Page 59 of Creatures in the Night

The worst part was that I didn’t even have anyone to talk to about it. I couldn’t go to my parents because of how heavily involved they were in all this, and my once-best friend didn’t speak to me anymore because I refused to share my family’s shameful secrets with him. As for everyone else in my life, I wasn’t close enough to any of them to place this kind of burden on them, and the last thing that I wanted to do was put anyone in the path of Noah Murphy or any of the O’Briens.

As I cried into the pillows, I’d never felt so alone in all my life, and the feeling was a crippling one. I felt like nothing was in my control, and if I could sleep away the next fifty years, I would. The way that I was feeling right now, I’d ignore my life if I could, but I couldn’t. There was no escape, and I knew it now more than I’d ever had before.

Chapter 37

Noah~

I could feel myself losing it, and I didn’t know how to pull back from the destructive urges that were threatening to pull me down. As much as I’d wanted to choose celibacy, I was grown enough to recognize human nature for what it was, and while I knew that I could last years being faithful to my wife, I wanted children one day. Now, while I wanted them with her, she’d taken that possibility away from me, leaving me to entertain other options for my life.

I wanted to kill someone.

I wanted to burn the city to the ground.

I wanted to go back upstairs to beg her for a chance to love her, but I was quickly learning that loving someone unconditionally meant that you loved them under any conditions, and these were the conditions that Shea had placed on us, so what choice did I have? I was going to remain married to the only woman that I had ever loved, but force to make a life with another because that’s what Shea wanted. Granted, I could always give up my dream of having children, and maybe that’s what I needed to do. Maybe, fifty years from now, when I had no children, no one to love, and no good memories to take with me into the afterlife, then maybe Shea would finally believe that I loved her.

After tossing back the rest of my whiskey, I called Aran, and he answered on the second ring like I knew that he would. No matter where my youngest brother was, or no matter what he was doing, he always answered, because like Lochlan, his first priority was our family. Even his artistic fame wasn’t enough to keep his hands clean, something that we all appreciated.

“Noah,” he greeted easily.

“Who’s the guy that does all your artwork?” I asked, foregoing any salutations.

“Ryan Pederson,” he answered. “His shop is on Canyon Court.”

“I need a tattoo,” I told him unnecessarily.

“Seriously?” he asked. “Are you finally going to get the family crest like the rest of us?”

“No, I’m not interested in that.”

Aran let out a low hiss. “You know that Da won’t be happy if you get any ink that isn’t our family crest, right?”

“Da will get over it,” I drawled out.

“Well, if you’re not going to finally get the Murphy insignia, then what are you getting?” he asked.

“My wife’s name.”

Silence.

“Aran?”

“You want to get a tattoo of your wife’s name?” he echoed. “The wife that you didn’t want?”

“Look, I know that you’re out of touch with the family when you’re traveling, but a lot has changed since I said my vows,” I informed him. “So, yeah, I want a tattoo of my wife’s name.”

“Is your wife’s last name Murphy?”

“What…of course, it is,” I snapped. “What the fuck are you going on about?”

“If you’re going to get a tattoo, then get the crest and add her name over it or something like that,” he suggested. “Ryan is very good at what he does, so if you just give him a general idea of what you want, he can make it work. Plus, since he did all of our crest tattoos, he’ll know exactly what you need.”

“Call him and tell him that I’m on my way,” I ordered.

“Sure thing,” Aran replied evenly. “But before I do that, I think this is the part where I ask you if everything is okay?”

“No,” I answered honestly. “But it’s not anything that I can’t handle.”

“Fair enough.”

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