Page 47 of Drive To Survive

I chuckled, relieved that the moment had passed and Nico hadn’t taken my musings seriously. He would make a wonderful father. One day. With someone. But not with me. Both of us knew what this was. A time to heal, to move forward into the future.

A separate future.

I tried not to acknowledge how much it hurt when I thought about that.

“So, tomorrow’s Saturday,” Nico announced. “How would you like to go sailing?”

Rhett widened his eyes, and his mouth fell open. “Like on a boat?”

Nico chuckled. “Yep. On a real, honest-to-goodness boat.”

Rhett looked at Nico as if he were a superhero come to life. “I love you, Nico,” he said, flinging himself into his arms.

“I bet you wouldn’t love me if I didn’t own a boat,” Nico said, but his voice kind of faded in and out. All I could hear was Rhett’s declaration of love, and a sense of dread washed over me.

When my fling with Nico ended, trouble lay ahead, and I didn’t know how to even begin to deal with the damage it might cause to my son.

This was all wrong. A terrible mistake. I’d put my needs and wants and desires ahead of Rhett’s, never for a moment stopping to consider his fragile state and how desperately he missed his father, enough to pin his hopes on another father figure.

I’d failed my son more than Paul ever had.

NICO

I woke to a blindingly bright Sunday morning, and an empty space beside me. Strange how I’d already gotten used to having Everly sleep in my bed. Being a sprawler, I usually preferred to sleep alone. I’d offended plenty of women over the years when I’d ask them to leave after we’d slept together, or, if I was at their place, I’d have my trousers on before they’d caught their breath. I hated feeling penned in, confined, and the idea of curling up and falling asleep with someone I’d had sex with gave me the shudders.

Except with Everly.

I hadn’t thought about it until now, but the last three nights Everly had spent in my bed had felt like the most natural thing in the world. I loved listening to the change in her breathing as sleep pulled her under, the way she curled her knees up to her chest, how she liked to put one arm beneath the pillow and then rest her head on it. These little nuanced habits that I felt privileged to see.

We’d had a terrific day yesterday out on the boat, but when we’d returned home, Everly had gone very quiet. I’d gently probed, but she’d shrugged it off as feeling tired after all the sea air. I could smell a bullshit excuse a mile off, but I’d decided not to question her further. Every time I’d glanced in her direction last night, her arm around Rhett as he watched TV, I’d found her staring off into the distance, lost in her own world. It’d taken a lot of effort to quell the uneasiness taking root in my stomach. Something was wrong, but for whatever reason, Everly wasn’t ready to tell me yet.

I’d expected her to want to sleep in the room she’d recuperated in, but as we trudged upstairs to bed, she’d followed me into mine. The second the door had closed, she’d kissed me fiercely, hungrily, and we’d explored each other thoroughly before falling into a deep sleep.

I flung back the covers, quickly showered, and jogged downstairs. I entered the kitchen, spying Everly sitting outside, watching Rhett like a hawk as he dangled his feet in the pool.

“Morning,” I said brightly. “Gorgeous day.” I gripped her shoulders and rubbed, feeling the tension in her muscles.

She placed her hand over mine and tipped back her head, squinting up at me. “Morning.”

I bent down for a kiss, intending to ensure it met PG guidelines and failing miserably. She pulled away faster than I’d have liked, and I tried to tell myself it was only because she didn’t want to take her eyes off Rhett for too long, when in reality, there was something much more worrying going on here.

That uncomfortable feeling made a return, and I pressed my fingertips to my sternum.

Rhett scrambled to his feet and ran toward me. “Nico!” He threw his arms around me and pressed his cheek to my abdomen. I leaned over and kissed the top of his head.

“Hey there, bud. You be careful by the water’s edge, yeah? Stay in the shallow end.”

“I will.”

He scampered off, and I grabbed a chair, pulling it up next to Everly’s. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” she said, refusing to look at me.

“Don’t bullshit a bullshitter.” I pressed a teasing tone into my voice when I’d much rather hit her with a barrage of questions until she told me what the fuck was wrong.

“I think Rhett and I should go home today.”

“What?” I barked, my eyes widening. Shit. I hadn’t seen that coming.

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