Page 41 of Drive To Survive

I nodded. “Now I do, yeah. When it first happened, I went into a complete panic, imagining him lying hurt in a ditch somewhere, needing my help, slowly dying in pain. But after the police searched and searched and came up with nothing, I eventually had to accept that he’d simply left.” I shrugged. “For all I know, he’s living with someone else, maybe bringing up a family with her.”

I couldn’t suppress the wince that came out of me. Nico narrowed his eyes.

“Do you still love him?” he asked, eyes bleak, a dullness to their normal piercing green.

“I’ll never be able to forgive him for what he did to Rhett,” I replied, not a complete answer but the only one I knew how to respond with, with a hundred percent accuracy. Paul had been gone so long that I wasn’t sure of my feelings for him any longer. I didn’t think I loved him anymore, if I ever had, but I couldn’t swear to it. Emotions were strange beasts, and I couldn’t dispute that Paul had been my first, my only, and together we’d made Rhett.

Nico’s cheek bulged where he poked his tongue, and he lowered his gaze to his food. “I see.”

I pinched the bridge of my nose. “That came out wrong.”

He held up his hand but still kept his attention on his food. “It’s fine, Everly.”

My stomach lurched. This wasn’t how I’d intended this conversation to go.

“It’s complicated. I was very young and impressionable when we met. Toward the end, before he left, things were difficult between us, but my parents brought me up to work at relationships, to not give in at the first sign of trouble. Mom and Dad married thirty-five years ago, although they’d be the first to admit that not all of those years have been happy ones. But equally, since Paul walked out on us, I’ve changed. Who knows whether I’d even like him if he ever came home? I’m a different person now, and especially in the last two months.” I paused. “Since I met you.”

He gave me his eyes then, lifting his chin slowly. “I don’t want to make your life any more complicated. You’ve got more than enough on your plate as it is.”

I bit my lip, my fingertips plucking the skin at my throat. He’d changed his mind about us. I didn’t blame him. If he’d had a wife or a girlfriend who’d run off and I’d asked him if he still loved her, and he hadn’t instantly rejected the suggestion, I’d feel exactly the same way as he did right now.

My appetite waned, and I dropped my fork, getting to my feet.

“I’ll clear this away,” I said.

I set my half-eaten plate of food next to the sink and stared into his backyard. The moon cast a glow across the swimming pool, and it occurred to me how different our lives were. We were from completely opposite sides of the track.

I twisted around to face him. “I should leave.”

His head snapped up, and he dropped his silverware with a clang. “Don’t.” He pushed back his chair and stood, eating up the distance between us, and planted his hands on either side of the counter, trapping me in place. “Don’t leave. I want you to stay.”

I breathed in the scent of his cologne, my stomach twisting with need. He was standing so close, and I just wanted… him.

“I can’t tell you that I don’t still have feelings for Paul, Nico, because I honestly don’t know the answer to that question. I’m hurt and angry, and, yeah, we’d had problems long before he disappeared. I think I’ll only know for sure how I feel if I ever see him again.” I sighed. “Sorry, but I have to tell you the truth as I see it.”

His hands traced up my sides, over my waist, brushing the curve of my breasts. He cupped my cheeks, tilting my face up to his. Goosebumps broke out all over my body, and I shivered, not from cold but from his touch.

“Then allow me to be honest as well. I want you more than I’ve wanted a woman in a very long time, but I don’t want to be the one responsible for breaking up a family. If being with me muddies the waters over your feelings for Paul, then I’d rather step away.” He twisted his lips to the side in a wry smile. “I’m rubbish at commitment anyway.”

No. I wouldn’t come this close to a shot at happiness and simply let it go so easily. Not because of a man like Paul.

I stood on my toes and pressed my lips to Nico’s. “I’m not asking for commitment. I’m attracted to you, and you’re attracted to me. It’s been so long, Nico. I miss sex. I miss intimacy. I want to have those things with you for as long as it suits both our needs. And when it doesn’t?” I tucked my hair behind my ear. “Then we call it quits and go our separate ways. No hard feelings. No drama.”

His eyes locked on mine, and the groan that spilled from his lips sounded like an animal in pain. His mouth crashed down on mine, greedy and reckless and impatient. I fumbled with the buttons on his shirt, cursing that he hadn’t chosen clothing that was easier to get inside. In my haste, I tugged the material apart, and a couple of buttons shot across the room.

“Relax,” he murmured, pressing soft kisses to my neck. “We have all night.”

I took in air through gasping little sips, my heart rate far above normal. “Later,” I panted, pulling at his belt. “Go slow later. Right now, I need you. I need this. I need fast.”

“Fuck,” he expelled, wrenching apart my dress.

I’d never been happier that I’d chosen a wraparound dress. Easy on. Easy off. The material fell to the floor, gathering in a bunch around my feet. Finally, I solved the belt issue, and with a single tug, the buttons on his jeans popped open. I burrowed inside, wrapping my hand around his thick, heavy shaft.

Jesus. He’s enormous. This is gonna hurt.

I didn’t remember him unfastening my bra, but I definitely recalled the way my stomach rolled when he dragged his teeth over my erect nipple. My chest pushed out and upward, ravenous for more contact.

He helped me shove his jeans and his boxers down his legs, and he kicked them off. They landed on top of the kitchen counter. I giggled. Nico cupped my face, laughing too.

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