Page 62 of Drive To Survive

“About last night,” he continued as if I hadn’t spoken. “I went too far. I shouldn’t have kissed you, but dammit, Ev. Do you have any idea how much I’ve missed you? How hard these last two years have been for me?”

In my wrath, I momentarily forgot the fear zipping through my veins.

“Hard for you? Jesus Christ, you really are a piece of work. When you left, I had nothing. Nothing! No way to support me and Rhett. I’ve worked my ass off to keep a roof over our heads and put food on the table, and you simply waltz back in here after all this time, refuse to tell me where the fuck you’ve been, and say it’s been difficult for you.”

He raked his fingers through his hair. “I’ve told you. It’s complicated.”

I snorted a laugh. “Oh, no. It’s not complicated, Paul. It’s a lie. Our whole life together was just one big lie.”

His eyes narrowed, and he took a menacing step forward. The only thing between us now was my tiny kitchen table. I shuffled to the left, my eyes going to the door that led to the living room.

“What do you mean, ‘a lie’?”

Another step from Paul.

Another shuffle from me.

“I had a visitor today,” I said. “Someone who knew you. He had a lot to say for himself. All very interesting.”

“What visitor?”

“Nick Grayson.”

He tried to hide it, the momentary shock, but I saw it in the way he dipped his chin, his eyes shifting around as if they’d become detached somehow.

“That jackass,” he said. “He’s a piece of shit. What exactly did he say?”

“You tell me, Paul. Why do you think he’d come here to see me?”

He grunted. “Whatever he said, it was bullshit.”

“Why?” I frowned, a part of me enjoying watching him squirm. I shouldn’t play these games, but he owed me. He owed me answers that until now he’d refused to part with. I knew everything, and one look at his face told me he knew that, too, but I wanted to hear it from him. It was the least I deserved. He’d used me, put me through hell when he first disappeared, hurt my son. “What could he possibly have to gain by seeking me out only to tell me a bunch of lies?”

“Because I fucked his wife, okay?” Paul yelled, exasperated. “I shouldn’t have done it, but I did. It was a mistake. And now he wants payback by ruining what we have.”

I laughed, the sound full of bitterness. “We don’t have anything, Paul. We never did.”

“Don’t say that, babe,” he said, smoothing his expression. “I feel bad for cheating on you, but the more time passed, the harder it was to come home. And besides, you cheated, too, so we’re even.”

My jaw popped open. Not only did he think he could get away with telling me half-truths, but he actually believed we were on a par. An eye for an eye. An affair for an affair. What had I ever seen in this man? I must’ve lost my mind to fall for his bull. The time had come to put an end to this charade.

“You didn’t cheat on me, Paul, not with a woman anyway. What you did after you left me is your business, just as what I’ve done is mine. You can screw half of Los Angeles, for all I care. But what really sticks in my throat is that you used me. You needed me, but not in the way I thought. God, the naivete. What was I to you, apart from a woman who happened to live in the right location so you could catch the bad guys and move your career on to the next level? Was it all a lie?”

“No,” he mumbled. “It wasn’t.”

“Really?” I scoffed.

“It wasn’t,” he gritted out, his jaw locked tight. “You think I’d have risked my career if you didn’t mean something to me?”

“I don’t know, Paul. For me to answer a question like that, I’d have to really know you, and I haven’t got a clue who you are.”

He moved fast, faster than I could. He gripped my upper arms and shook me. “I love you. I always fucking loved you. I used to lie awake at night trying to figure out how I could make it work. But then you got fucking pregnant. I might’ve been able to swing us continuing our relationship after I got called in from the field. But a kid? No. You gave me no choice other than to leave.”

“Yet now you’re back because your superiors found out about your lies, and they kicked you out. You’re not back for me, or for Rhett. You’re back for yourself.” I yanked out of his grip and moved around to the other side of the table, putting some distance, and a solid object, between us. “I want you to leave, Paul.”

“No. Not until we’ve talked. Properly.”

I raised my eyebrows. “Don’t you get it? There’s nothing else to say.”

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