Page 60 of Drive To Survive

Grayson laughed. “No, he’s not.”

I let out an exasperated huff. “Then you tell me. It’s obvious you’re dying to.”

“You’re right. That bastard deserves everything coming to him. Paul Lawson is—was—an undercover cop. He formed a relationship with you because you lived right across the street from a gang of drug dealers Paul had been trying to nail for months, without success. And nothing gets in the way of Paul and a bust. He thought it’d be six months, tops, but these weren’t your average drug dealers. The Mexican cartels backed them. Clever, wily, too careful to get caught. It took him four years of meticulously gathering evidence before he had enough to charge them with multiple counts of drug trafficking. As soon as he nailed the gang, his superiors called him back in from the field. Then it was ‘Bye-bye, Everly.’ But getting you pregnant wasn’t part of the deal. The rules of undercover allow the formation of a relationship as a means to an end, but they do not allow for kids or marriage. Nothing long-term.”

My head swam trying to take in everything Nick Grayson had said. Paul, an undercover cop? Used me so he could watch a house across the street. Abandoned me and his son so callously as soon as he’d caught the bad guys.

I covered my face with my hands, my whole body trembling. Shock. That was what this was. Too much. Far too much.

“Hey, are you okay? Shit, I’m sorry. But you deserved to know.”

All those nights I’d go to bed and Paul would make excuses to stay up, or he’d start a fight over nothing and I’d retire early just to get away from the terrible atmosphere caused by Paul in a mood. All of it created so he could watch the comings and goings of a drug house.

For years.

Years.

Jesus Christ.

I shoved my hands into my hair and left them there. My entire adult life was a lie. At twenty, I’d been a sitting duck for an experienced, single-minded man like Paul. The perfect stooge. His abject rage when I’d told him I’d gotten pregnant by accident made sense now. He’d gone on and on at me for weeks to get an abortion. When I’d refused, he’d seemed to accept it, and I’d expected a marriage proposal to follow, but from what Grayson had said, that was never in the cards.

“Why are you telling me this?” I rasped. “Why now?”

His eyes grew hard, cold. “Because that fucker screwed my wife. They’ve been having an affair for over a year. Once I found out, I went all out, determined to unearth something on that bastard. Undercover cops are full of secrets. We lie to everyone. All I had to do was find one chink in his oh-so-perfect armor. Imagine my delight when I discovered he’d fathered a kid. Boom! Bye-bye, career.”

I have to get out of here before I puke all over the table.

On shaking legs, I stood. “Thank you, Mr. Grayson. You have a pleasant day now.”

EVERLY

I barely made it back to my truck. I sat there, stunned, trying to connect the dots. Paul had lied about everything. Why had he come back here? A roof over his head? Some fucked-up idea of starting things up again? No wonder he’d been so bullish last night about moving back in. With no job, no money, no prospects, he didn’t have a lot of choices. He probably thought it’d be easy, that I’d spent the last two years pining for him and would take him back in a heartbeat.

A cop. I could hardly believe it.

Correction. Former cop.

I couldn’t let this lie, especially now that I knew the truth. Jesus, my whole adult life had been a sham. But Rhett was real, and I’d fight with everything I had to protect him. I needed to call a lawyer, find out what my rights were when it came to keeping Rhett safe and out of Paul’s clutches. There was no way I wanted a morally corrupt man anywhere near my son.

My only issue? Lawyers were far more expensive than therapists, and if I hadn’t been able to afford one of those in order to help Rhett, how the heck would I find the money to pay exorbitant legal fees?

Nico.

I could ask him to loan me the money. Even if it took me the rest of my life to pay him back, I would. He owed me nothing, but his declaration that he’d wait for me gave me the confidence to ask him for help. I didn’t want charity, but without Nico’s assistance, Paul might gain regular access to Rhett or, God forbid, joint custody. A top lawyer behind me would at least give me a fighting chance.

My heart hammered at the idea of calling Nico, not because I thought he’d reject me but because I knew I didn’t deserve the support he would undoubtedly offer without a single string attached. I must have had rocks in my head to cut him off so harshly, and all to give Paul a chance to rebuild a relationship with Rhett.

The whole thing, our entire relationship, had been a lie. I kept thinking it, over and over, the word lies screaming inside my head. All those years I’d thought I knew whom I was sharing a bed with… I’d given myself to a stranger.

If I thought back, Paul had always been self-centered and narcissistic, thinking only of himself. God, with the benefit of hindsight and a clear head, I could tear out my hair at the roots at how I let him ride roughshod over me, how I’d always try to keep the peace, and that meant usually letting Paul have his way. With everything. From where we shopped to the clothes I wore. Paul always had an opinion, and I’d just gone along with whatever he wanted.

What a fucking doormat.

Well, no longer.

Time’s up.

I drove home, wondering what I’d do if I found Paul waiting for me. Lucky for him I didn’t own a gun. The temptation to put the barrel to his head and pull the trigger would be too much to resist. The cruelty of living a lie for all those years and then leaving without a second thought intensified my anger to shocking proportions. I hadn’t thought myself capable of such powerful feelings of pure rage. Yet the strength of wrath screaming through me was very real.

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