Page 15 of Princess Avenged

I told the three of them everything that happened on that rooftop, and while the story unfolded, Ana’s expression changed, moving from disbelief, to horror, to anger and then to disdain. But at least the grief that’s been haunting her since I arrived is gone for the moment, so I take some bittersweet pleasure knowing her repulsion and anger toward me are momentarily blocking her sadness. Just like the sex did.

Sex was the last thing I expected when I brought Blade back to the room last night, the last thing I expected when she awoke this morning. But in hindsight, the sex was exactly what we all needed.

The intense pleasure temporarily numbed our feelings, but now it’s time for all of us to figure out what to do about this demon and—even harder—how to live without Phil. And on top of that, I need to find a way to live with the knowledge that Phil died while saving me. One detail I have yet to divulge.

And yet Ana’s already looking at me like I’m the worst person on earth, like she doesn’t even recognize who I am.

“So, you just assumed he was dead, and you left him there?” she asks, her tone contemptuous.

“Before the mission began, Phil and I, we agreed…” My voice trails off. Anything I can say will sound like an excuse. A lame one at that.

“It’s part of our code,” Blade interjects, turning toward her. “If one goes down, never sacrifice the team.” Blade quotes the line oft uttered by our Master. The one part of our code Phil and I have broken in the past.

Ana shakes her head, her eyes narrowing as if she’s heard quite enough of our code. I don’t blame her.

“Given you deserted Phil—” she glares at me “—how do you even know for sure that he’s dead?” The accusation in her tone is beyond obvious: I am a coward who abandoned my brother and left his body. I’m the one who deserted the man that she loves.

“I saw the stake hit his chest,” I tell her as calmly as I can. “It definitely penetrated his heart. I heard blood gushing from the wound, coming out with a force that can only be direct from the heart.”

She winces at the gory details, pain flashing to join the disdain in her eyes.

“I would have stayed,” I tell her, “if I’d had any doubt.” But now that I’m saying it, doubt creeps in.

Who the fuck am I right now? I don’t do doubt. I know what I saw. Phil was staked through the heart. No vampire can survive that.

Straightening my shoulders, I banish my creeping uncertainty. I’ll feel guilt over what happened for the rest of my life, but that doesn’t mean I could have done anything to change the outcome.

“Why was Phil so vulnerable?“ she asks sharply. “I thought you four were supposed to protect each other at all costs.” The accusation in her tone lands hard in my gut.

“We were ambushed.” I shake my head. “Diederik, or Rasputin… Whoever it was who came to that rooftop—they showed up with a dozen other vampires. Vampires who were all acting as if…like they weren’t in control of their actions.” I’ve already explained this part, but either Ana didn’t understand or didn’t accept my explanation.

“Phil and I went to the meeting well prepared and heavily armed.” I run through the events again. “We chose that rooftop location specifically, thinking a massive ambush would be less likely there.” We’ve set up for battles like that countless times in the past. Battles where we’ve taken on not only vampires but other supernatural creatures.

But never a demon.

If I regret any decision, it was not waiting until Blade found out more information about what we were facing. Phil was the one in a hurry. Phil was the one who wanted it over with, so he could get back to Ana. Phil knew the risks. We both did. Still… guilt clogs my chest.

“Phil knew that luring the demon was a risk?—”

“You used Phil as bait,” Ana snaps.

“It was his idea?—”

“You shouldn’t have allowed it.” Her anger is fierce and palpable.

“He shouldn’t have allowed him?” Flame strokes her cheek. “You met Phil, right?” He grins.

Glaring, Ana pulls away from Flame, and relief hits me, as her anger is momentarily focussed on Flame instead of me.

From the moment I left that roof, I’ve been running through alternate scenarios, wracking my brain for ways I could have altered the outcome, but I’m not sure how we could have lured the demon, or met up with Diederik, without risking an ambush. We were prepared for battle, but it did not go our way.

“And what of the demon?” she turns to Blade. “Crusher’s explanation is nonsensical. He doesn’t even comprehend who or what attacked Phil.” Her tone and word choices have turned very formal. She’s speaking like she did when we first met her. When we rescued her.

No, when we kidnapped her. That’s how she saw it.

Met, rescued, kidnapped. What really happened that night at the Mariano meeting? Doubt invades yet again.

I’ve always seen the world clearly. Always been able to separate right from wrong, and suddenly my whole world feels like a lie. Everything I’ve always believed has been flipped on its ass. I don’t understand a thing anymore.

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