Page 111 of Princess Avenged

But I must stop thinking about Ana like that. Nothing sexual will ever happen between us again, and the sooner I get used to that reality, the better.

Clearing my throat, I plant my hands on my thighs, so she won’t see them shake. I don’t think I’ve been so nervous in my entire life.

“I lied to you again.” My voice echoes in the room, so I lower my volume. “After I promised that I would never do it again.”

She sits forward. “Crusher?—”

“Please,” I interrupt her. “Can you hear me out, before you respond?”

Nodding, she leans back again.

I want this woman, more than anything I’ve ever desired, but my own actions destroyed any chance of that.

“I withheld crucial information from you—yet again… and I understand that you can never forgive me, but I hope…” My mouth goes completely dry, and I suck on my cheeks seeking moisture. “It is my greatest desire that you will allow me to remain as some insignificant part of your life. Not as your lover. I know that’s off the table. But as your bodyguard. Your protector. In whatever capacity you will allow.”

Her lips part like she’s about to respond.

I hold up my finger. “I’m not finished.”

She shakes her head, clearly frustrated that I’m not letting her speak, but I want her to hear my full appeal, before she decides to reject it.

“I understand that I broke your trust. And I accept that there can never be anything…intimate between us again. But I would still like to serve you. And before you say something about duty, and me having no obligation to protect you, this isn’t about duty or obligation.” I shake my head, frustrated. I’m blowing this. “And while I would hate to be parted from Phil, Blade and Flame, it’s not about our brotherhood, either.”

Ana’s chest expands with a long inhale, and her tiny perfect tongue emerges, teasing her upper lip. I’m sure she doesn’t mean it to look sexual, but my cock throbs with need. Once we’re done talking, I’ll find a solution for that ongoing problem. My hand will have to suffice.

“If it’s not about duty, or your brothers,” she says softly, when I’ve paused for too long. “What is it about?”

“You, Ana. It’s all about you.” My chest shatters as the truth spills out of it. “Being near you without…without any affection between us. It will be painful.” I shake my head. “But my pain would be a million times worse, if I can never see you, if I can’t serve you.”

She’s silent. Stunned. So, I continue. “Without you, my life has no meaning. If you aren’t part of my life, I can’t imagine what I’d do, how I’d even get out of bed. Even if I can’t touch you, I need to be around you. To see you. To know that you’re safe. To know that you’re happy.”

Her breaths are coming quickly now. Her cheeks have pinked, and her heart is pounding so fast and so loudly, it’s hard to hear anything else.

She’s nervous. Her kind nature is searching for a way to say no, without crushing me. I’ve been unfair. I shouldn’t make her feel responsible for my happiness. I’ve put all the burden on her. “Ana…”

“May I speak now?” She moves her shaking hands to her lap.

I nod, fear gripping every part of me.

“Crusher…”

The sound of my name on her lips melts inside me.

“Crusher, I understand why you couldn’t tell me about your conversation with Ember.” She looks into my eyes, and I brace for this to be the last time.

“If I’d known Phil might die—that Ember believed he would die. If I’d known that the council was sure I didn’t have the right weapon, and that I would likely fail…”

She shakes her head. “I’m not even certain I would have crossed through the portal.”

Ana’s delicate fingers grip her knees as she leans forward. “Crusher, I’m beyond grateful to you, grateful for you. For what you did, and for what you held back from me. Phil and I both owe you our lives. The whole world owes you their lives.” She makes a sweeping gesture with her hands.

I draw in a ragged breath. I’m glad that she’s grateful, and if gratitude is my ticket to stay a part of her life, I’ll gladly cash it in.

“What you did,” she continues, “everything that happened last night. It’s made me realize something else.” She looks down. “Something about my feelings for you.”

Here it comes. I brace for impact.

She raises her gaze to meet mine, and hope slams through me like a ten-ton explosion.

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