Page 37 of Ruined

"Right, you don't need to imagine. Have you ever been tempted to rob a bank, just because you could?" He matched the angle of my head and smiled.

I scoffed. "I prefer a challenge." My lips moved as I considered adding to that, but I pressed them together and smirked at my own thought.

"What? Where did kid-Mina sneak into?" He pressed his palms to his hips and lifted his chin expectantly.

"Nowhere I wasn't paid to go," I said evasively. I stepped around him to pick up a couple of books from the table beside the bed.

"Where did you want to go?" he asked.

"You'll think it's silly." I placed the books down on top of my jeans.

"Have you met me?" He looked at me sideways. "I like silly. I don't think you could say anything sillier than the thoughts that go through my mind on an hourly basis." He raised his hand and gave me a 'give it to me' gesture with his fingers.

I sighed and straightened up. "I had a crush on a popstar once. I thought about breaking into his house and… I don't know. Stealing his underwear or watching him sleep. Something stupid like that." I shrugged.

Gianni smiled. "That's adorable. If he had half a brain cell, you could have just knocked on the door. I wouldn't have turned you away if I was him."

"There's no challenge in knocking on the door," I said. "It doesn't matter anyway, because I didn't know where he lived, or what his real name was. It was just a childish fantasy."

"Those are the best kind," Gianni said. "The problem with growing up is losing things like that. What was his name?"

I made a face. "Bobby Starlight. Like I said, I was young." He sang songs about love, relationships and corny things like dancing under the light of a full moon.

His lyrics and upbeat tunes were a sweet counterpoint to the rest of my life back then. They helped to balance out all the death and gave me a place to escape to. It didn't hurt that he was ridiculously good-looking, with washboard abs and tattoos to spare. He was the fantasy of teenage girls all over the world. The one time I could have seen him on tour, I'd had a job all the way in London. I was gutted, but work always came first. Especially when I was still building a reputation.

"I love him," Gianni enthused. "He hasn't released anything in years, but I bet we could find him." He looked as though he might pull out his phone right now and send a message to his own contacts to find out the real name and address of Bobby Starlight. For all I knew, Asher might have been one of those contacts. Didn't people in the music industry know each other, or something like that?

I shook my head. "We should focus on the present and the shit that matters." I closed my suitcase and zipped it up. That part of my past was so long ago it didn't matter anymore. We had more pressing things to do, like find Kurt, and Leon Graves.

Gianni stepped over to me and placed his hands lightly on my shoulders. He looked me straight in the eyes, knowing I could step away from him at any time, but wanting to get his point across, because it was important to him.

"There's no reason why you can't have childish fantasies if you want to. If I'm too young to give them up, then you are. I know Kurt stole them from you, but I want to help you get them back. Everyone deserves to have some fun once in a while. Especially you. I'm not saying we should break in and steal a person's underwear. Although, I'm not ruling that out either, but we could do other things."

"Don't steal his underwear for me," I said.

I'd be deluding myself if I didn't think he'd do exactly that if I asked him to. I wasn't sure there was anything he'd say no to if I wanted it. He was sweet, but I wasn't going to take advantage. Especially not when I was struggling to find my own independence again.

"I won't steal his underwear for you, but I might do it with you," he said with a grin. "Seriously, what did you used to do for fun?"

"Kill people," I said flatly. "I read books and I killed people."

"As hot as that is, you must have done other things," he pressed. "Did you go out and dance all night? Go to the movies? Lie around with your friends, giving each other facials while you gossiped about boys?"

I glanced away from him and let my eyes glaze as I thought back. All of that seemed like a thousand lifetimes ago. It could have happened to someone else, or in my imagination.

"Used to play the guitar," I said finally. "I thought maybe I'd be in a band with Asher some day. Or tour with Bobby Starlight." I snorted at the ridiculous idea. "Can you imagine an assassin touring the world as a guitarist?"

It would be a nice cover, but it sounded like something out of a mafia rock star romance book. Was that such a thing? I'd have to look it up.

"As a matter of fact, I can," Gianni agreed. "You would have been amazing. You still might be. I'm sure Reuben wouldn't mind buying you?—"

"I can buy my own guitar," I said, slightly more snappy than I intended.

I exhaled softly. "I'm sorry. I just feel like…that dream passed me by. There's no point in trying to pretend it's going to happen. For one thing, Asher's band already has a guitarist."

"That doesn't mean you can't get a guitar and play it for fun," Gianni said. "I could play with you. We could jam."

"You play the guitar?" I squinted at him. I couldn't quite imagine him doing that.

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