Page 99 of The Summer List

“She thinks I might be some type of neurodivergent,” I say, “and honestly, I’m not totally sure what that’s going to mean. I haven’t looked into it or asked her any questions yet because I’ve been too scared to even think about it, but it’s true I’ve always felt…different, like I’m on the outside of this box everyone else is in, but…but somehow that’s never mattered with the three of you, at least, so I guess what I want to say is thank you for letting me just be me.”

I let out a shaky breath, and I realize I’m waiting for Andrea to let go of my hand. I’m waiting for Shal to get up and head for the van without a word. I’m waiting for Priya to tell me she needs a normal friend.

None of that happens.

Andrea pulls me in closer and kisses the top of my head. Shal runs around the fire and folds herself over the back of our couch so she can scoop us both into a bear hug. Priya swipes at her eyes and tells me she’s proud to be my friend in a voice thick with tears before she gets up and joins the cuddle pile too.

For a few moments, I just let myself be held. I let their arms wrap me up in the assurance that right here, right now, I am safe, and I don’t have to be anything other than me to deserve that.

We’re all sniffling by the time Shal and Priya get up to return to their seats. Andrea stays wrapped around me, and Shal repeats her offer to give us some time to ourselves.

“No, don’t go, you guys!” I urge, even as I snuggle in closer to Andrea. “It’s our last night here. We have to make the most of it.”

Priya leans forward to stretch her hands out towards the fire.

“Just as long as making the most of it doesn’t involve any last minute additions to the bucket list,” she says with a fake shudder.

“Well, actually…” Shal jokes before a glare from her sister shuts her down.

“Where is the list anyway?” Andrea asks. “Are you guys going to frame it or something?”

Shal claps her hands. “Oooh, I like that idea! Yeah, where did the list even go? It would be really anticlimactic if we lost it after all this.”

“I think it’s in my room,” I answer.

I’m pretty sure I tucked it into one of my journals. Shal urges me to go get it, and even though the last thing I want to do is leave Andrea’s arms, I can’t deny how poetic of a moment rereading the list around a fire on our last night at the house will be, so I get up with a dramatic groan.

I stop complaining when Andrea jumps to her feet and says she’ll come with me.

The cats were asleep in their igloo the last time I checked, but I still do a quick scan of the kitchen before I pull the door open; losing Sandy’s cats the night before she comes home would not be the poetic moment I’m looking for.

Once we’ve reached the top of the stairs on the second floor, I stop and tell Andrea to wait.

My heart is hammering in my chest. Now that we’re alone, it’s a little easier for my doubts to creep in and tell me maybe Shal and Priya can accept me as a friend, but Andrea can’t possibly want to date a weirdo with a messed up brain.

She spins around to face me and then comes close enough to take both my hands.

“Yeah?” she murmurs.

I drop my gaze to our entwined fingers.

“Are you sure what I said out there didn’t change anything for you? Because I know it’s a lot, and maybe it’s not what you were looking for, and—”

“You’re what I’m looking for.”

She squeezes my hands, and all the doubts peter out.

“You were what I was looking for before I even realized it, and whatever you learn about yourself isn’t going to change that. It’s just going to give me a chance to get to know you even better, and…getting to know you better might be my new favourite thing.”

My cheeks heat up, and I can’t stop myself from smiling down at our hands.

“That’s how I feel about you.”

“Good,” she says. “Then we’ve got nothing to worry about. Now, shall we go find that list?”

The bucket list is just where I thought it was, the sheet of paper covered in Shal’s handwriting tucked under the cover of my journal. We head back out to the deck, and then all four of us huddle around one of the couches while we read by the flickering light of the fire.

SUMMER BUCKET LIST

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