Page 85 of The Summer List

“She’s leaving tomorrow,” I say to Priya, my voice thick. “Like, she’s really leaving. I know it’s stupid, but I just kept thinking maybe she’d call, maybe she’d change her mind, maybe she’d do something, but she’ll be gone tomorrow. If it was going to happen, it would have happened by now.”

Priya hugs me even tighter. “I’m so sorry.”

She holds me as I take a few shuddering breaths. I manage to get the tears under control before I end up terrorizing the family playing over by the monkey bars by bawling my eyes out in the middle of the park.

“Do you think maybe we’re too old to be here?” I say with a watery laugh as I nod over at the parents helping their two little kids across the bars. “I hope they don’t think we’re creepy.”

Priya scoffs. “This is our park. We own this hood.”

I laugh again, the sound more convincing this time, and Priya takes it as a sign she can return to her swing. We’ve only just started sipping our drinks again when the sight of someone waving their arms above their head down at the end of the block catches my eye.

“Is that…Shal?”

She’s supposed to be at a party with the guy she’s been counting as her summer fling despite seeming thoroughly uninterested every time she talks about him, but sure enough, she comes jogging up the sidewalk and then runs across the park’s grassy lawn to meet us.

“Naomi’s mom told me you were here,” she says before we can ask any questions. She’s panting, and she bends to brace her hands on the tops of her thighs. “I told Liam I’m done with him, and then I remembered you two were hanging out tonight, so I came over.”

She straightens up and grins at us before she starts to sway on her feet and then totters backwards a few steps.

Priya leans forward in her swing to squint at her. “Are you drunk?”

Shal giggles and keeps swaying. “I’m just a little tipsy.”

“You didn’t drive, did you?” Priya asks.

Shal scowls. “Of course not. I walked. The party was pretty close to here, not that you could call it much of a party.”

She sighs and then lowers herself down to sit on the grass in front of us. She’s wearing a silky halter top and some black shorts, and her hair is gathered into a ponytail that’s sitting a little lopsided on her head. There’s a bit of mascara smeared under one of her eyes.

“Shal, are you…okay?” I ask.

She sighs again. “I’m fine. I’m just feeling…disillusioned.”

Priya and I share a look.

“The party was just a bunch of the same people I usually see at parties,” Shal continues, “and Liam was being his usual blah self, and I realized I was only drinking so I could be mellowed out enough to actually stand being around him, and…it just hit me. I don’t have to do that anymore. I don’t need those people’s approval. I’m not even going to see those people anymore after everyone starts university. Like, why do I still care? And then I realized…I don’t.”

She digs her fingers into the grass and then tips her head back to stare up at the orange sky. She ends up tilting her head so much she loses her balance and lands flat on her back with an, “Oomph!”

Priya and I glance at each other again before getting up off the swings.

“Okay, sister,” Priya says as we each crouch down on either side of Shal, “let’s go back to Naomi’s house. I think you need some water.”

She waves us off. “I’m fine. I’m just a little tipsy.”

I glance behind me and see the parents at the monkey bars are loading their kids into a wagon. I hope they haven’t reported us for disorderly conduct. Shal shows no signs of getting up, and I don’t think dragging her all the way home is an option, so Priya and I end up reclaiming our spots on the swings while she stays sprawled in the grass.

“You know, I really did want to fall in love this summer,” she says, “and not just to finish the list. I really wanted to find someone special, you know? Like you two did.”

My chest twinges, and I tighten my grip on the swing chains.

“I don’t think I’m in love with Bill,” Priya says.

Shal lifts her head enough to gawk at her. “You’re crazy about him. I’ve never seen you like this about a guy.”

Priya shrugs. “I do really, really like him, but…it’s not quite love. It’s more like…loving the possibility of love. The potential for it. Loving the space you’ve made for it to grow if it wants to.”

Shal scoffs and lets her head drop back to the ground. “Now you sound tipsy.”

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