Page 4 of Choke Up

There's a long enough silence that I think I've safely shut down the conversation. Chancing a glance toward the front seat, I'm relieved to see that Gabe is no longer turned around to look at me. He's facing my brother now, with a strange expression on his face. My eyebrows draw in, wishing I could read his mind whenever I can see the gears spinning like that. Gabe isn't as dumb as people make him out to be.

"You seriously think it's a good idea?" he asks my brother.

I scoff. “Why do you care?”

"What could it hurt?" Elliot says. "I'm just trying to help him have a better college experience than high school."

"So you're totally okay with some rando trying to get his dick into your little brother?"

"For the love of God, STOP!" I shout. "First of all, stop talking about me like I'm not right fucking here. Second, I'm not his little brother. Third, and most importantly, I don't need nor want your help or opinions about anything. I can take care of myself. And whether or how I decide to meet people or let any randos dick me down is none of your goddamn business."

"We're just trying to watch out for you?—"

"I don't need you to watch out for me!" I snap. "This is exactly why I didn't want to come to Huntston, Elliot.”

I’m only following them to Huntston because Mom and Dad bribed me to get through one year. If I keep up my grades and manage at least one extra-curricular group or activity, they’re going to let me try art school in New York.

“If you don't let me do my own thing, no one is going to realize that I'm perfectly capable of being on my own. I don't need you to take care of me, and I don't need you to fight my battles. What I need is for you to get off my ass."

The car is silent for several moments before Gabe smacks Elliot on the shoulder.

"Yeah man, get off his ass, so someone else can get on it!"

Jesus fucking Christ. One year, I tell myself. One year.

CHAPTER 2

ELLIS

Ping.

I cut my eyes upward to the top bunk where I threw my phone, but don't move to grab it. Instead, I keep my face planted in my book, not actually absorbing any of what I'm supposed to be reading. It's taking all my focus to act natural.

I'm feeling very jealous of my brother right now, which isn't something I like to spend energy doing. But it's hard not to be, when he not only gets to have his best friend as a roommate, but they also have their own private spaces. The athletic dorms are set up more like apartments with separate bedrooms, a small kitchenette, sitting area, and a bathroom they only share with each other and one other roommate. There's a lot more that makes the athletic dorms superior, but I couldn't care less about anything other than the separate bedrooms. Right now, the lack of privacy is what's getting to me the most.

My roommate, Brad, is not my biggest fan.

Correction—he wasn't my biggest fan. He outright hates me now. He didn't like me from the start, although there is the possibility that it wasn't personal, and he's this unfriendly to everyone. But that was before he walked in on me in a compromising position, taking a selfie of myself in nothing but a pair of briefs and a crop top. Instead of backing away slowly, or even looking away to give me any privacy, he huffed and stomped around like he can't believe he's stuck with me as a roommate. I pulled on a pair of sleep pants while he hid behind his wardrobe door to get dressed, probably afraid that I'll try to take a peek. I really wanted to tell him not to worry, he couldn't be farther from my type. Instead, I sat down at the desk under my loft bed to study and try to pretend nothing awkward happened. I've been trying to avoid his glare, but since he's sitting at his own desk barely four feet from me, it's pretty hard to get any space.

It's been almost three weeks since we moved in, and already the stress of my living arrangement is making this year feel impossible. I'm stifling in this room with Brad and his bitchiness. It's a shame, because otherwise I've gotten a decent start at Huntston University. We're only in the second week of classes, and I like all my teachers and courses so far. I'm enjoying my contemporary arts class the most, even though at this point it's just been lectures and nothing hands on. I get weekly studio time to work on personal projects, and I've been spending a lot more time sketching and painting digitally, which I suppose is important to learn if I'm going to try for a graphic arts degree.

Ping.

With a sigh, I stand up and reach over the edge of my bed to get my phone, ignoring Brad's grimace at my exposed midriff. I don't see why it matters. He wears nothing but shorts all the time.

My heart skips a little beat when I see I have a message on Howler, but it's just my brother.

ELLIOTH: You downloaded it!

ELLIOTH: How many guys have you matched to chat with?

ELLISH: None. Mind your business.

It's a lie. Mostly.

I initially only downloaded the campus app because it's almost necessary for class updates and scheduling time in the art studio, plus the digital campus map that gives you GPS directions to wherever you need to go is incredibly useful on such a large, spread-out campus. And one of the new friends I made at the freshman orientation suggested I download it so I know when the next Howler Pride Alliance meetup will be. I was nervous to approach the campus LGBTQ+ table initially, but Elliot all but pushed me, and then Gabe threatened to introduce me, loudly, if I didn't do it myself. As much as I hate them always meddling in my business, I am glad I stepped up to the table. I met probably one of the nicest people I've ever encountered, a sophomore named Ivy who has bright blue hair that's shaved on one side. I've been having lunch with her and a small group of others nearly every day.

Ivy added me to a Howler group chat for the Pride Alliance members, and once I was on the meetup site, I got curious enough to fill out my profile. I'd barely started reading through all the forums when I started getting notifications.

---