"You disappeared. I thought you'd run off to see her," Elliot says quietly, though not quietly enough for me to assume he's trying to hide anything from me. They rarely censor their conversations around me, anyway.
Gabe glances back at me in the rearview, but I pretend to be focused on looking out the window. "Nah," he says in a low voice. "I forgot my helmet in the dugout."
My forehead scrunches. I thought I remembered him having it when the team filed into the locker room, but I might not have been paying close attention. All these scrimmages have sort of run together, minus the foul ball incident. My hand absentmindedly touches my ribs. Not because they hurt, but because that's where his hands were.
He's not Johnny, I remind myself. He can't be.
I've been trying not to think about it too hard. If he isn't Gabe, I don't want to know. He can stay anonymous, and I can keep pretending for all I care. I know I'm breaking my own heart, but I've never felt this free.
"I think Tripp has a thing for Ellis," Elliot announces. He projects his voice as though I can't hear him when he speaks normally, yet he's pretending his words are only for Gabe.
Gabe gives him a very pointed, unimpressed look. "Gross." Elliot and I both open our mouths to respond, but he cuts us off before either of us can get a word out. "And I'm not saying that in a phobic way. I'm saying it in a ‘Tripp Landon is gross and I wouldn't want his dick near me if I were you’, kind of way." He looks back at me with his eyebrows raised seriously. "Gross."
"You're gross," I mumble back, because I'm super mature. "Tripp seems nice. I'm not saying I want to climb on his dick or anything," I say to Gabe specifically. "But he's nice. I'm not opposed to a little flirting if he can make himself a little less ostentatious."
"Ooh, two-dollar word for a nickel brain guy," Gabe singsongs.
"Doesn't have to be smart to suck my dick," I sing back.
Gabe's eyes widen in shock. He pins my brother with a glare. "Are you hearing the mouth on this kid?!"
"It's nothing I haven't heard you say a hundred times before," I point out.
"Tripp is a nice guy," Elliot says, ignoring our banter. He cuts his eyes toward Gabe. "Why do you care so much?"
That's what I'd like to know. Honestly, I'm not remotely interested in Tripp. Sure, he's a fit, good-looking guy. Tall and strong, although nowhere near as bulky as Gabe. Or Johnny. I stare back at Gabe while tries to justify trashing Tripp. It's worth it to play along like I might be interested just to see how ruffled he gets.
"He's tall. I like tall," I say noncommittally. "I didn't realize he's gay, though."
"Me either. I’ve noticed him watching you ever since your friends dropped by at yesterday's scrimmage, though," Elliot says. “And it definitely seemed like he was flirting tonight."
Ivy, Tyrell, and Antoni came by the scrimmage yesterday. They didn't pay much attention to the game, content to comment on how cute I looked in my uniform and cheer every time I picked up a bat. In other words, they came to embarrass me. Quite a few of the players got in on it too, much to Coach's dismay. Tripp was one of the guys laughing and playing around with us, now that I think of it.
"Well, maybe I'll flirt back a little and see how it goes."
"What about that model guy?" Gabe asks, eyebrows still adorably furrowed. "Anthony?"
"Antoni," I said. "He's nice, too."
"Too?"
"That's what I said."
"So you'd go out with both of them?"
"And what if I did?" I wouldn’t. Antoni is my friend and nothing more, but I’m annoyed by Gabe’s stereotypical assumption that being gay means we’d automatically want to fuck each other.
"Alright, that's enough," Elliot interrupts as Gabe pulls into a parking spot in front of the restaurant. He opens his door to escape our bullshit. "Will you two please behave?"
"Maybe," Gabe and I both mutter, which has us laughing as we walk into the restaurant to meet the team.
Just to be an asshole, I walk right over and sit next to Tripp. I spend most of the night chatting and laughing with him while avoiding Gabe's glare. And yeah, he is a really nice guy, and he is absolutely throwing vibes that make me think he could be interested. Maybe if I didn't have this thing going with Johnny, or if I wasn't so stuck on another guy, I could go for him. Hell, maybe I'll pull my head out of my ass and realize I should reach for someone attainable, or that doesn't prefer to blindfold me and keep me in the dark. Even if a probably very broken part of me kind of likes it that way.
Halfway through dinner, my phone pings.
JOHNNY: He can't give you what I do.
ELLISH: A bad Batman impersonator voice?