Page 11 of Choke Up

"You're smart enough to be cautious where it's warranted. As long as you're keeping yourself safe, I think it's a great opportunity to explore being out in a smaller, safer environment. And whoever it is, they're at least a student at this school. You have to have credentials to make a profile. So if anything happened, or if this Johnny guy does or says anything threatening, it can be traced. Honestly, if you wanted to know who it is, I've got a friend in administration that could look it up."

"I weirdly don't want to know, but thanks.” If I knew his real name, it’d be harder to imagine he’s the person I want. “And I appreciate your confidence."

"I've got your back, Ellis. And so do the rest of our group. If you ever need advice or just to commiserate, they're pretty fucking fantastic."

"I'll remember that," I say, smiling at the warm, fuzzy feeling in my chest. I wasn't completely friendless in high school, but I never made much of an attempt to get deeper than a surface level friendship. I was too busy following my brother and Gabe around, pretending I didn't want to be there, trying to hide the hearts in my eyes whenever I looked at Gabe. Maybe making real friends can be what helps me overcome.

"Speaking of, what are you doing tomorrow?"

I look around myself at my laptop, books, tablet, and sketchpad taking up a space meant for three people. Ivy laughs.

"That's what I thought," she says. "Meet me on the quad at ten thirty. You're coming with us tomorrow."

"So, let me get this straight. We're supposed to eat junk food and ride fair rides until we puke all day, and then go to a party and drink until we puke all night?"

"Yes!" Ivy says, clapping. "He's catching on!" she cheers to the three others standing at the entrance to the Hunt County State Fair. They all laugh and clap with her, patting me on the back.

"And here we were worried you were going to be just another pretty face," Tyrell says, patting my cheek. His tone is patronizing, but his blue rimmed eyes are twinkling. He chuckles as he pulls me into his side and gestures to another one of our group, Antoni, who is being handed a massive cotton candy.

Antoni turns back to our group and all but skips back to us, his light caramel eyes lit up like a child. "Look! It has glitter!" he says, moving the pastel cloud so it catches the light. His amusement over the way it sparkles is far too endearing. He comes off as childlike and air-headed, but he looks like he walked out of a high fashion magazine. His deep tan skin is flawless, with puffy lips, high cheekbones, and perfectly sculpted eyebrows. A lock of glossy black hair falls across his forehead as he tears off a piece of the cloud and eats it, gesturing around to share his sugary treat with the rest of us.

I observe him and the rest of my new friends as we make our way through the crowd of people. I swear he eats everything in sight, and considering he's thinner than me, I don't know where he puts it all. Tyrell jokes that he stores extra food in his empty head, which Antoni seems to find genuinely hilarious. Playful ribbing is Tyrell's love language, I've learned, and his loud booming laugh when a joke is turned around on him is so joyful, even people that aren't in on the joke smile with us. I have a feeling Antoni isn't as dim as he pretends. Just like Gabe, who uses his dumb jock facade to enchant the people around him, Antoni seems too observant to truly be the most beautiful of idiots. He's probably a secret genius.

Our other members include Sean, who is on the wrestling team and has biceps so big he can't reach the back of his own neck. He doesn't talk much. And Jamie, who refers to themself as ‘the resident enby’. They're the comedians of the group, and they seem to appreciate my self-deprecating humor. I appreciate their ability to keep everything light-hearted and their appreciation for all things grunge.

At some point during the day, I have a small epiphany while listening to Jaime and Tyrell talk about his calf muscles. "Wait a second," I say. Ivy plays tennis, and Tyrell is a track star. "Antoni, do you play a sport?"

"I'm on the swim team," he says. "How else do you think I maintain this?" He pulls his shirt up to reveal that he isn't as thin as he seems, because his torso is nothing but lean, shredded muscle.

I turn my head toward Jamie. "Am I the only non-athlete here?"

"Oh, hell no," Jamie says. "This body was made for comfort, not athleticism. I'm in the sports medicine program. That's how I met all these fabulous assholes."

I wonder if they know Gabe. I shake the thought from my head immediately.

Ivy laughs. "Did you not realize that Howler Pride Alliance is a queer student athlete's organization?"

"No! I only came to the table because?—"

"Because your brother signed you up," she says. "I remember now." She glances behind me and chuckles. "And I also remember that he wrote you in as a member of the baseball team. I didn't think anything of it at the time."

I shake my head in exasperation. "Fucking Elliot. I should text him and ask exactly what position I was meant to play."

"Bat boy, of course." I spin around just in time to get caught in a headlock by my much larger and unfortunately stronger twin brother.

"Elliot, get off!" I shout, words muffled into his torso as I struggle against him. He might be bigger and stronger, but I'm scrappy. I had to be, growing up with Elliot and Gabe around all the time. The two of them used to gang up on me, and—Oh no. "Don't you even think about it, Gabe!" I shriek, just as he comes up behind me, lifting me in a fireman's carry and spinning me around while I beat against his back.

"Ooh, keep doing that. Lower," he says, dropping the front of my body a little lower behind him so my fists can reach his lower back. I punch him, hard. But when he tells me to do it harder, I cross my arms and hang there limply until he puts me the fuck down.

"You're both assholes."

When I’m finally released, I avoid everyone's attention while I try to straighten my clothes and make myself presentable again. Elliot hands me one of my flip-flops that flew off, and I try to smooth down the wrinkles in my tank top. The ponytail I had my hair in came loose, and I don't see it anywhere. I try to finger comb my almost shoulder length dark hair into submission, but it's even messier than usual. Fucking fuckers.

"I actually really like it down like this," Antoni says, stepping forward to help me fix my wavy mop. He gives me a kind smile, and it helps settle my nerves a bit.

I really can't stand when Elliot and Gabe treat me like their kid brother just because I'm smaller than they are. I'm only a couple of inches shorter than my brother, but he has at least fifty pounds of muscle on me, maybe more since he’s started working out with the team trainer. And Gabe is just huge.

"He's so hot," Antoni mouths, cutting his eyes over to where my brother and Gabe are talking to Sean and Tyrell, although Gabe seems to be watching my interaction with Antoni from where he stands.

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