Page 69 of Choke Up

"Do you think Professor Dumont is going to grade this on a curve?" I ask, looking up from my applied mathematics notes for our exam next week.

"I fucking hope so," Ellis laughs before giving me a comforting nudge with his foot. "But you've got this, you're doing fine. You understand those differential equations better than I do, and they're supposed to be a big part of the test."

"What about the rest of your classes? Do you feel good about finals?"

"I do now."

Ellis is a fucking saint, sitting with me almost every night. Mostly we just sit next to each other and work on our respective homework, but we quiz each other, even for the classes we don't share. He's way smarter than me and hasn't had any trouble keeping up in his classes, but he never makes me feel like an idiot. Elliot has joined us a few times, grinning at our playful ribbing over his overachiever status. In these moments, I think life feels perfect. But then I watch Ellis pull his feet out of my lap when we hear Elliot put his key in the door, and I remember this immense secret we have.

Elliot enters and looks between the two of us. I feel my face grow hot, my mind racing over whether he's figured it out. I do this every time he looks at me sideways or is too quiet for too long.

"You going to work out?" We don't have practice tonight or tomorrow, but we have a three-game series this weekend that we need to stay ready for.

I nod. "Yeah, just let me change real quick." I wink at Ellis on our way out, knowing I'll see him later.

We jog to the sports complex to warm up and then head into the gym to start our usual circuit routine. We don't do any heavy lifting, just resistance exercises.

"You trying to show me up?" Elliot jokes as I double down on our workout. Nothing too difficult, just a few extra reps here and there, adding burpees between each station.

"I feel fucking good, man."

"You look good," he says, tilting his head toward me. "I, uh… worry sometimes. When you get like this."

"Like what?"

"Hyped. Extra energized. Hyper focused."

"All of those seem like good things," I laugh, taking a drink from my water bottle.

"Until the crash," Elliot points out, not unkindly. I try not to get irritated with him. I know he cares. He wouldn't say anything if he didn't. He wouldn't put up with my highs and my lows if he didn't.

"This feels different," I tell him.

We crush our first series game against Auburn. The stands are packed with fans, and all the commotion of a ballgame that I love is on display. People are excited to see their team succeed, and I get to be part of it. I'm riding high, even going so far as to sweep Ellis up in a hug, as we leave the field. No one thinks anything of it, especially when Ellis beats against my shoulders and calls me a caveman. Elliot laughs at my usual antics. The team is all laughs and high fives and congratulating each other. Except Tripp Landon, who seems sullen. He didn't get any good hits in and missed a pop fly, but we shut them out tonight, so I don't know what he has to brood about. Until I see him watching Ellis, and it gets my hackles up.

My hackles stay up when I feel him watching me while we get ready to take the field for game two. In the dugout, he purposefully rams his shoulder into mine when he walks by. By the third time it happens, I'm bristled, but I catch Ellis' eye and the almost imperceptible shake of his head. The small, secretive grin he aims at the ground is enough to make me forget anything's wrong.

It's also enough for me to get cocky. And when I look up to see that Tripp was watching our exchange, my dumbass fucking winks at him.

On my second home run hit in as many innings, I'm rounding the bases. We need these two runs to put us ahead. Tripp isn't running fast enough. He was on second when I hit the ball. There's no reason he should just now be clearing third base. He's giving the outfield too much time. Their shouts to each other let me know someone's close to the ball, which means we'll miss the opportunity for two runs and risk an out if Tripp doesn't get his ass in gear.

Coach is screaming, all our teammates are screaming, I'm screaming for him to, "Go, go, go!"

I must be out of my mind, because it feels like he intentionally slows down. I have to pause on third, but the ball makes it to home plate before Tripp does, costing us an out. With one more out to go, the next batter steps up. Johansen hits a single, I take the chance to steal home. My arms and legs pump hard as I clear the distance. In my peripheral, I see the ball flying overhead, and I dive.

I slide home, dirt spraying up everywhere. The umpire yells, "Safe!" and everyone screams.

Behind me, Johansen makes it to third base in the chaos. We weren't able to pull ahead on the easy homer, but the rest of us are able to eke out a tie going into the last inning.

As I'm heading to the dugout, my teammates and Coach pat me on the back. I'm feeling on top of the world, especially when Ellis approaches me with my catcher's gear. I let him help me put it on, because I like having an excuse to be close to him for a minute. Ellis murmurs about the play and what a great save it was, and how Elliot and I are going to shut them out and secure the win.

"You're such a badass," he says, securing my helmet.

"I really want to kiss you right now," I whisper.

Ellis rolls his eyes and closes the face mask, and the huge grin on his face makes me feel like a fucking god. I’m ready to walk over and confess everything to Elliot just so I can chase this feeling.

We almost manage the shutout, but Tripp is too busy staring daggers at the team dugout to notice an easy catch. The ball goes right past him before he even flinches. He scrambles for the ball, but the batter gets to first base before anything can be done about it. I glare at him, pointing across the field for him to get his shit together. Two strikeouts later, the batter bunts the ball toward third base. Elliot and Harper, the third baseman, both run forward. I run to cover third, but Tripp, who should be covering second base, collides with me. I'm bigger than him, and in full pads, so he bounces off me and hits the ground.

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