Page 43 of Choke Up

"Gabe."

"What, Ellis?! You need a doctor or something."

"I'm fine! What are you doing?"

"Getting dressed. Do you need help to get dressed?" I'm afraid to touch him at all now. Afraid to look at him, at any part of him now, not just the eyes. I was rough with him. He could have bruises. And he's going to have to explain what happened to him. That someone who is supposed to take care of him was careless.

I've never hated myself more than I do right now.

"I don't need help getting dressed, and I'm not going to a doctor. I just need a minute."

My arms drop to my sides, defeated. "I just need to make sure you're okay."

"I'm okay," he says in a soft voice.

But I don't believe him. Shaking my head, I grab a hoodie from my desk chair and back out of the room. I grab my keys and wallet from the counter and put my shoes on before I hear Ellis stir. He calls out my name, asking what I'm doing or where I'm going. I don't hear his words, only the pleading tone in his voice as I run away. I don't know where I'm going, but I can't be around him.

I hurt him. The only person I've ever loved outside of my best friend. And I hurt him. First emotionally, then physically. I clearly have no control.

Instead of going down to the lobby, I head up to the fourth floor and knock on the door that I'm pretty sure belongs to Ellis' swimmer friend. I might have stalked him up here once or twice, and spent at least one night glaring at the door wondering if Ellis liked pretty model looking boys like Antoni and worrying over what they were doing or if they were sleeping in the same bed. I'd rather ask the tall guy for help, but I don't know where his room is, and Ellis seems closer to Antoni. He's probably the right choice to help him.

Antoni isn't the one to answer the door. Another guy that I don't recognize who is probably also on the swim team if his half naked body is any indication, tears open the door with a scowl. He sticks his head out the door and looks both ways down the hallway before glaring at me again.

"There's no fire," he says in a thick southern accent. "So why the hell are you bangin' on the door at two o'clock in the damn mornin'?" He's obviously pissed, and I have to admire his backbone, considering I'm easily twice his size.

"I need to talk to Antoni. Please." I'm hoping being polite might speed this along, but he looks even more annoyed now, letting out an exasperated sigh. I give him however long it takes me to take one deep breath and exhale before pushing into the room. "It's an emergency," I say through gritted teeth. "Which room is his?" I ask, marching into the apartment and toward the bedrooms. The set up is more or less the same as ours.

The half-naked roommate walks past me and pounds on a door before yelling, "Antoni! What did I tell you about letting your hookups find out where you live!"

He gives me an unimpressed glare before disappearing into his own room, just before Antoni opens his door, looking like some kind of cartoon character with weird pastel colored jelly things stuck all over his face. He's clutching a short, silk robe closed at the chest like he might be naked and is clearly half asleep. But when I tell him Ellis needs him, his eyes fly open, and it only takes him a second before he's flying out of the room behind me.

CHAPTER 16

ELLIS

There's a soft knock at Gabe's door, and I have just enough time to gather my dignity and cover myself with Gabe's comforter before it opens.

"Ellis?"

It shouldn’t surprise me when Antoni walks in instead of Gabe. He'd stormed out of the apartment, and I couldn't exactly run after him butt-naked and holding a cold compress to my ass. I pull the blanket further up my body, hoping he doesn't notice the massive wet spot in the middle of the sheets.

"He must really be worried if he went and got you, of all people." Antoni gives me a soft smile, but I can see the worry behind his eyes. "I'm fine, really. I promise."

I'm not fine, not really. But not because of a little pain. I know Gabe didn't mean to hurt me. What hurts more is the way he ran out.

"Do you want to tell me what happened?" He looks around the room, at the discarded clothes and the disheveled bed, before noticing me craning my neck to look behind him. "He left," Antoni says softly, moving to sit on the edge of the bed. He arranges his silky robe, cinching the belt around his tiny waist, and crosses one smooth leg over the other. He adjusts the silk cap on his head and looks at me over a pair of square framed glasses, waiting for me to say something, I suppose.

"I like the glasses. You should wear them more often."

Antoni scoffs and pushes the glasses up his nose. "Thank you. But we aren't here to talk about how pretty I am." He tilts his head. "I'm assuming something happened between you and Gabe? Which I am very ready to gossip about—between us only, of course," he says before I can interrupt and beg him to keep his mouth shut. He doesn't look offended that I obviously was going to accuse him of being a gossip, even though that's not really his style.

"Ellis," Antoni says softly. "That absolute beast of a man was terrified and came all the way upstairs to interrupt my beauty sleep and drag me down here and help you. And I don't get the impression he likes me very much, so I must be here for a reason."

"He's jealous," I mutter. "He thinks I like you, because you're beautiful and I slept over at your place a few times instead of sleeping here."

"Well, that's understandable, I suppose. I assume you set him straight?" I shrug, and Antoni winks. "That's my boy."

I can't suppress my smile at his wicked tone, but once the smile breaks free, so do the rest of my emotions. Tears well up and spill over my eyelids, no matter how much I try to hold them back. With Antoni practically staring into my soul, I can't do anything to hide my tears, which makes it worse. I let out an embarrassing sob and bury my face in my hands. Antoni moves to sit next to me, and I scoot, wincing as I pull my knees up to give him a clean space.

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