Page 41 of Choke Up

"You touched me," he says, his voice soft but firm. "You kissed me. Everywhere."

He takes another step closer, and I keep my eyes trained on his socks. He moves until he's standing almost directly between my knees. There's no contact between us, and yet I can still feel the heat of his body searing me through the space and our layers of clothing. My traitorous cock fills along the inside of my thigh, but I refuse to give it any attention. I keep myself hunched over and looking down, willing my body and my face to stay passive.

"It didn't mean anything."

"Bullshit," he says, refusing to back down. "You liked touching me." The press of his fingers beneath my chin startles me enough to allow him to force my chin up an inch or so. It might be childish, but I can't look at him, so I screw my eyes shut and tense my jaw against the pressure of his touch.

"I know you liked it. I felt it in the way you touched me, in the way you kissed me. In the way you came so hard for me."

When did he get so bold? I try to open my mouth to form a reply, but he steps even closer, and I hold my breath. The nearness of him is intimidating. The heat of his body, the smell of him, the tangible pull between our two bodies is overwhelming. He tries to coax my chin higher, but I resist. He closes the distance between us, stepping between my thighs. The fabric of his hoodie cushions my face against his flat stomach. I turn my head slightly, chasing the faint sound of his heartbeat, and find myself pressing the side of my head into his body. My hands land on his hips, fingers creeping beneath the bottom of his hoodie to touch his skin. I don't even notice what I'm doing until the heat of his skin sears the pads of my finger, and I have to suck in a breath.

He smells like musk and his sketchpads. He smells like sex. It invades my nostrils and my brain. Clenching my eyes tighter against the heat that prickles behind my eyelids, I allow myself to nuzzle into his stomach, my mouth rubbing against him. My fingers dig into his waist, probably bruising him. I'm not sure if I'm holding him to me or preparing to push him away. Both, I suppose.

Ellis' hands cup either side of my face, tilting it up so my chin is resting on his sternum. I feel small in this position, despite our size difference.

"Please look at me." He's whispering again, pleading. My eyes flutter open, but I don't focus on him. I can't. "Just one time," he says. "Let me see you just one time."

The entire time we were hooking up, I got to have the privilege of seeing him, even if I couldn't look into his eyes. I had the privilege of knowing who I was kissing and touching, while he was left in the dark because I was a coward. I am a coward.

"Give me this one time, and if you still want me to leave you alone, I will."

His breath fans over my lower face, making my lips and tongue tingle with need. He bends lower and brushes his lips against mine, so lightly they're barely touching, and yet I feel it everywhere. A jolt runs through me when his tongue darts out, licking my bottom lip before he gently pulls it between both of his. He sucks it gently, and he might as well be sucking on the head of my cock the way it affects me. I moan and press into him.

One last kiss, I tell myself. One last touch.

I move my lips against his, opening for him, trying to let him have this despite my fevered need to take control and consume him. My control lasts all of five seconds, because the moment his tongue licks into my mouth and brushes against mine, I'm gone. I pull him against me, laying back and rolling my body over his. I deepen the kiss, my weight crushing the breath from his smaller frame. He doesn't seem to mind, spreading his legs beneath me to wrap around my hips.

This is a bad idea. I never got to have him in a bed like this. Never got to take my time gently kissing and sucking every inch of his flesh. How am I going to walk away from this? From how good he feels in my arms, beneath me, arching into the way my hips roll between his legs. His body is soft and pliant in a way that I'm familiar with, and yet nowhere near feminine enough to mistake him for anything but a man. Especially the bulge that my hard cock rocks against with every roll of my hips.

Unable to stop myself from sinking into this feeling, my hands press under his hoodie and t-shirt, pulling it up to expose his skin to my tongue and teeth. I halt when my tongue hits metal and pull back.

Oh, Christ.

“You got your nipple pierced?”

“I got it for Christmas. Do you like it?”

The only thing I can do in response is growl and take it in my mouth again. Ellis pulls his shirt over his head before scrambling to rid me of my tank top. Our skin fuses together like magnets, and I suck on his neck, wishing I could permanently mark him as mine. I'll come to terms with the fact that he isn't mine, that he'll never be mine, later. Right now, I just want to make the most of every kiss and touch before I gather the willpower to push him away for good.

I can do it. I just need this one last taste.

Despite the chill that was present when I woke, the room is practically a sauna now. Our bodies are slick with sweat as we move to strip each other of our last barriers. I'm thoughtless, weightless, witless, running solely on the instincts of my body. Despite my hands and mouth being responsible, I'm shocked to look down and find us both stripped bare. In my shock, I forget my resolve not to look him in his eyes and end up locked in his intense blue gaze.

Everything from then on is lips and teeth and mouths and hands touching, caressing, gripping, fingernails raking against skin. My hand wraps around both our cocks, using sweat and pre-cum to stroke us both until we're panting, and my balls are drawn up tight. I'm not ready for this to end, so I let go and kiss down his body, turning him over on his stomach so I can lick and suck every part of him. I don't have any lube. I ran out halfway through the break since jerking off to the memory of how Ellis looks and smells and tastes was the only thing I could do outside of lying in bed in a catatonic haze. The real thing has nothing on my memories, though. He's so potent. Everything about him calls to me on a base level.

My fingers dig into the soft meat of his ass as I spread him roughly, my control edged worse than my orgasm. He cries out as my tongue shoves inside his puckered hole, pressing his face into my disheveled bedspread to muffle his moans. I eat him like a starving man, licking and sucking and kissing every part of him I can reach. Ellis hisses when I sink a finger inside, pushing my spit all the way inside him. I pump my finger, looking for that spot I found before winter break, trying not to remember anything else about that night. The way I left him lying on the floor, on his stomach, afraid to move. Is he thinking about it?

I slowly turn Ellis around onto his back, adding more spit and a second finger, bending to take him in my mouth. He fists the sheets, rocking up into my mouth as I suck and finger fuck him. My fingers find that magic button and he detonates, gritting out a slew of curse words that include my name as my mouth fills with his sweet release. The sound of him moaning my name and the taste of his cum have me throbbing, almost ready to bust all over the bedsheets without ever being touched. I'm all but blacked out, not wasting a single second.

Ellis is still spurting cum when I pull my fingers out of his ass and spit my mouthful into my hand, spreading it over my cock. Ellis' breath hitches when I line my cock up to his hole, and he wraps his arms around me. I hesitate, afraid to look into his eyes. Not only will I never recover from his soul-searching gaze as I push into him for the first time, but I'm also on the edge of coming as it is. I feel him nod against my neck, and the tip of my cock pushes against him. The tip barely makes it through that first tight ring of muscle. And that's it.

I'm fucking lost.

Gone.

At the first hint of his tight heat around just the tip of my cock, my orgasm pounds through me like a tidal wave. I lose control, and my hips drive forward. My teeth latch into the crook of his neck as my cock surges all the way inside his body in one thrust.

Ellis lets out a choked cry, his fingernails breaking the skin on my shoulders as my cock pulses inside him. I can't move other than to rock against him as I empty more and more cum inside his ass, filling him with what feels like an endless orgasm, his hole a pulsing vice grip around my throbbing cock. I suck in gulps of air against his skin, both because I need oxygen and him infusing every one of my bodily systems.

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