Page 35 of Choke Up

JOHNNY: What did you have in mind?

ELLISH: When do you leave for break?

JOHNNY: Sunday. You?

ELLISH: Tomorrow. Can you meet tonight?

JOHNNY: It's freezing, and it's supposed to rain tonight.

ELLISH: You live in the athletic dorms, right?

JOHNNY: Yes…

ELLISH: Meet me in the gym at 2AM.

I'm a fucking idiot.

Watching Ellis smile as he texts me from across the dining hall, I feel like an utter piece of shit. I'm lying about more than who I am. I'm lying about everything. I'm not even leaving for winter break, but it's just one more lie to throw him off my trail.

Like every year since we were kids, I was invited to go skiing with their family over the break, but I declined. I don't see a point in going home and torturing myself by being around Ellis, and lying to my best friend is getting heavy. He knows something's up, but now that finals are over, I can't use them to cover my constant nervousness. Plus, I need the easy course load of the winter classes to boost my GPA. The team’s academic advisor recommended it.

And I think it's for the best that I get some space from Ellis. Having him here all the time is making it hard to breathe. He's like an itch beneath my skin that I can't soothe without peeling parts of myself away. I should make an excuse, or say I need to leave early, but I'm a fucking fiend and it's been too long since I've had my hands on him. I want to touch his smooth skin and hear his moans in real life one last time. Before he's gone for winter break. Before I use the time apart to come up with a solution, to find out how to break things off for good. Before I can’t have him anymore.

I'll live the rest of my life in agony, but it's better than hurting him. It's better than breaking my best friend's trust more than I already have.

I can't keep up this game forever, but I'm too much of a coward to tell them what I've done.

CHAPTER 13

ELLIS

Okay. Everything's okay. Everything… looks perfect, at least.

A quick glance at my phone shows I still have a few minutes, but I want to be ready in case he gets here early. Which he probably won't because he'll want to make sure I'm properly blindfolded.

But that ends tonight. The secrets end tonight.

Tonight, I'm going to give him all of me. I'm going to give him something no one else has and show him I can handle him. I'll make him want to tell me the truth. Then I'll let him know that I've known it's him for a while now. And if he wants to keep what we have on the down low, if he's not ready to come out, that's fine. Obviously, I can keep a secret.

It's maybe a little underhanded to lure him into a sex trap so he can't escape me, but is it any worse than him lying about who he is for the past several months? I understand why he's keeping his identity hidden, and I know that most of what he’s told me has been real. He's never been with a guy before, and he doesn't think the people around him will understand and accept him. And because he's Gabe, and he loves my brother more than anyone else on earth, he's probably worried about what would happen if Elliot found out.

But we can tackle that together whenever he's ready. It's enough for me to know he wants me, too.

My phone chimes, letting me know it's almost time. I check my messages and turn some music on, looking around me one more time to make sure everything is perfect, running through what Gabe will see in my mind's eye to make sure I haven't forgotten anything. He'll find the gym door propped open, and he knows to shut it so it'll lock, then he’ll find me in the sauna. The room is small, with wide bench seats on either side. The steam room is bigger, but it's wet even when it's not in use. It's pitch black in here with the lights off, making it a perfect place for an anonymous meeting.

What's he's probably not expecting is a dozen battery-operated candles and a soft surface to fuck me on instead of the hard ground, a bench, or a table. I pulled some of the exercise mats from the gym in here after cleaning them with disinfectant wipes and covered them with a soft blanket. A box of condoms and a bottle of lube sit in plain sight on one of the bench seats. If that doesn't drive the point home, I'm dressed in his favorite snug, white briefs and a crop top. I'm wearing a sleep mask instead of the headband we used before, mostly so I could put some product in my hair and have it look nice for once. And once he peels me out of the few clothes I'm wearing, he'll find me smoothly waxed and prepped for him. It was an excruciating experience that I had to get Antoni's advice for, including a phone call when I was sure I was going to rip the skin of my balls off, but with his advice and stupidly expensive high-end products, I'm smooth and polished to perfection.

Less than a minute after I secure the sleep mask over my eyes and kneel facing the back wall of the sauna, I hear the echo of the gym door closing. Footsteps stop just outside the door, and there's a whooshing sound as the heavy door is pushed open.

"Ellis?" Gabe whispers. "Are you ready for me?" The door creaks open and he takes a small, surprised breath. "What is this—" His words are cut off, and I wish I could see his face as he takes it all in. My cock is already hard, filling the front of my briefs for him. "Fucking hell, Ellis. You look… Fuck."

As soon as I hear the door click behind him, I get to my hands and knees and crawl toward the door. When my hands find his shoes, I get to my knees in front of him and use my sense of touch to help unlace and remove his sneakers. I run my hands up his hairy, muscular legs, feeling his calves. When my hands get as far as the backs of his thighs, I feel the soft fabric of his athletic shorts. I push beneath them until I find the hem of his boxer briefs. I pull his shorts and boxers down all at once, helping him step out of his clothes. Then I trail kisses up his thighs, rubbing my cheek along his hardening erection and breathing in his scent as I slowly stand, peeling his shirt up as I go. He helps me pull the shirt over his head, and my hands touch him everywhere, mapping him out and wishing desperately that I could look at him.

He hasn't said a word the entire time I stripped the clothes off his body, but I can feel his heart beating frantically through his chest. I place my palm over it and smile when his hand covers mine, pressing it more firmly against his chest.

His other hand cups my cheek, and I feel his breath fan my lips as he murmurs. "You're so fucking pretty, baby," before he presses his mouth to mine in a kiss so deep, I swear he's pulling the oxygen from my body.

I melt into him, my arms linking behind his neck when he lifts me, wrapping my legs around his back. He holds me against him, destroying my few remaining brain cells with the way his kisses alternate between soft and sweet and devouring. I'm dizzy with it by the time he steps forward and lowers himself to his knees before laying me on my back. His body covers mine, dwarfing me in his size. His thick cock rubs against my underwear as he rolls his hips against me, and I moan at the delicious pressure of his body giving me friction where I need it most.

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