Page 15 of Choke Up

My eyes begin to adjust to the dark room. I’ve been in Elliot and Gabe’s dorm before, so I know what to expect. This room is on the opposite side of the hall from theirs, so the kitchenette and tiny living room are on opposite sides. There is a short hallway directly across from the door, with only two doors. Is this a one bedroom?

It’s weirdly bare in here. There aren’t any shoes on the shelf near the door, or any personal items lying around at all. There’s a large welcome basket wrapped in cellophane on the kitchen counter, full of Huntston University merchandise.

Tip-toeing through the apartment, I turn the handle to the first door just out of curiosity. It’s a small bedroom with a bed, end table, and desk. The large window lets the light from a nearby streetlamp in, making it easy to see the room clearly. Which means this next room must be…

Yep, a bathroom. There are no windows, so it’s pitch black.

My phone pings just as I’m lingering in the doorway. I can still see the shadow of Gabe’s feet beneath the door.

JOHNNY: There’s someone in the hallway.

ELLISH: It’s just a friend of my brother’s. He followed me.

JOHNNY: I’ll wait him out. Hang tight.

ELLISH: I take it this isn’t your place?

JOHNNY: No, but I knew no one would be in there.

I hear low voices in the hallway, but I can’t make out what’s being said. My blood rushes in my ears, my nerves making me jittery the longer Gabe stands there and talks to someone. Is he talking to Johnny? Will Gabe chase him off? Will Gabe see him follow me into the empty apartment?

Gabe’s feet disappear and I’m close to losing my nerve. Maybe I should get out now before we get caught.

In the bathroom, I splash some water on my face, wondering how smart it is to use one of the towels that was folded neatly on the small shelf above the toilet. They’ll know someone was here. Will they be able to figure out it was me?

The door opens and I forget to be anxious about anything other than being in this small, enclosed space with yet another faceless stranger. It hadn’t occurred to me that this could be a repeat performance. Is this going to be my thing now?

The latch clicks and my breath catches.

CHAPTER 4

GABE

The click of the door latching behind me is loud enough that it echoes over the erratic whooshing of blood in my ears.

This was never the plan, although when I consider every step that led me here, I can't help but notice how premeditated it would seem on the outside. From downloading that stupid hookup app, to accidentally manipulating access to this empty apartment, it’s all too coincidental to be believably innocent. My subconscious must be a bigger pervert than I am. Still, I took advantage of the opportunity willingly enough. I'm here, no matter how many times I told myself to walk away.

It's like one of those moments when you’ve arrived at your destination, only to realize you have no recollection of how you got there. How many accidents could I have caused on my way here? Was I discreet enough? Elliot had called me, and I put it on speaker so it sounded like multiple people were in the hallway. A calculated deception to throw Ellis off, to buy myself time, because I couldn't decide if I should go in or not. To give him time to change his mind and realize that what he's doing is idiotic. Who meets a stranger from a hookup app in a dark room? How stupid is he?

I want to be mad at him for following through when I suggested this idiotic plan. I barely hesitated when he said he wanted to meet in the dark. Because he wants to touch me.

No, not me. Johnny.

How stupid is it that I'm jealous of the alter ego I created?

I just wanted to watch out for him. I needed to know he's being safe. I didn't want anyone lying and manipulating him. Taking advantage of him. Doing exactly what I'm doing to him.

As soon as I sent the text, directing him to the empty apartment that I conveniently forgot to lock earlier when I dropped off a welcome basket for the RA, I was ready to backtrack. I left the conversation I'd been pretending to pay attention to abruptly and ran into the stairwell. If I prevented Ellis from getting to the apartment, there would be no harm, no foul.

Just a friend of my brother's.

Am I not more than that? He couldn't even say a friend of his?

Ellis' hand bumps into my bicep. He hesitates for a moment, then tentatively rests his hand just below the hem of my shirt sleeve. I cover his hand with my own, pressing his skin into mine, clenching my teeth together like I've been branded.

"Hi," he whispers.

I'm afraid to speak, too worried he'll figure me out. Ellis and I have all but grown up together, and he's got the keen observational skills of an artist. There's too much risk he'll recognize my voice. Instead, I release his hand and trail my fingers up his arm, over his shoulder, and down his back, coming to rest on his hip, just below the curve of his small waist. Holding myself completely still is the only way I can quell the trembling in my limbs at his proximity. All I want to do is crowd him into a corner, lift him up, wrap him around my body, and consume him. To steal his breaths and his virginity all at once. To make him mine, even though he could never know it was me claiming him. I can't do that to him. So I don't move at all.

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