Page 79 of Man On

It's the first time I've said anything so harshly against any of the church members. But I mean every syllable.

"So do I," she says, her voice rough. "But not for me." My brow furrows. I don't understand why or what she means. "For what he did to you. I know what they did down there, to those boys."

"I used to think they were helping them. Praying with them. Leading them to salvation," I admit to her with a sick feeling in my gut. I was so blind.

"It was nothing less than torture."

I learned that the hard way.

Part of me really wants to tell her, but I don’t see how burdening her with something that happened in the past would do anything but hurt her more.

We're quiet for several long moments before I get too antsy and have to move. I get up and go into my room to get the button-down shirt I’d planned to wear to dinner, and then grab my keys and wallet. The restaurant is less than ten minutes away, and neither of us breaks the silence, pretending to listen to the radio the whole way there. The parking lot is almost full, but I find a spot near the back.

"Mom?" My voice is embarrassingly weak as I call out to her before she can get out of the car.

She sits back and looks at me curiously. "Yes?"

"Do you think any good came of it? Did they fix anyone?"

"Honey, no.” Her face falls, and she closes the door again before leaning over the console and brushing a gentle hand over my temple. “There was never anything to fix."

"I-I'm not?—"

She shakes her head and holds her hand up to stop me. "It doesn't matter, Lane. People are who they are, and they love who they love. As long as they aren't hurting anyone, there's nothing wrong or unnatural or ungodly about love."

"But, the Bible?—"

"Has a lot of different interpretations." She gives me a wry, apologetic smile. "You can believe in and love God without all the bullshit. It took me a long time to unlearn everything I learned in that place, and I know you're going through the same journey.”

She pauses and grabs my hand, holding it gently between both of her own.

“Let me ask you something I learned at a church of all places—if there's a Creator who is all knowing and powerful, do you really think he or she made mistakes?"

CHAPTER 25

NOAH

Dad and I stare at each other in awkward silence over the third basket of breadsticks set between us. We've run through all the obligatory conversation about how the game went, and if I like my classes so far. Usually, I have some funny stories about whatever shenanigans Miah and I get up to, but I've barely hung out with him since we moved in. I've spent every moment of my time obsessing over Lane, at first out of animosity, and now out of… I don't even know. Regular obsession? No, this probably isn't normal. This is something different, something visceral, that I can't shake. I thought getting closer to him would run it out of my system, but every time I so much as smell his clean scent, he sinks a little further into my psyche. Even when my dick isn't involved, I feel part of myself attached to him like some sort of leech. A part of myself that I don't think I knew existed.

My dad keeps checking his phone, and when he's not looking, I check mine, although I'm not sure why. Would Lane even text me if something was wrong? At least I know he's with Hannah.

"Do you think they're going to be okay?" I ask, finally breaking the silence. I can't stand it.I have to talk about it, I need to talk about it.

Dad gives me a calculating look, before his features smooth over and he nods understandingly. "You watched it."

I nod, not able to form the right words to explain my feelings about what I saw.

"It was worse than we thought," he says. "I keep thinking that it can't get worse, and then more information comes to light and I'm left speechless and sick over what all those people suffered. That basement..."

"I think Lane might have been down there," I blurt. "As a patient, I mean. A victim."

Dad curses under his breath. "What would make you think that?"

I let out a breath, considering how I can talk about Lane without revealing any of his secrets—or mine.

"He has nightmares. Bad ones. Like someone's hurting him. Like one of the guys they interviewed, and the kid that died. I think… I think Lane might have known that kid, too. He mentioned a Chris, and..."

"The last name," he agrees. "I asked Hannah about it and she said Lane never explained why he chose the name. He was just adamant that he didn't want to be Isaiah Warren anymore."

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