Page 65 of Man On

LANE

Of all the things to feel guilty about, I never thought avoiding Noah would be one of them. I stayed out all day yesterday, either in the gym or hanging out with Danny and his friends—I still don’t quite feel like I’ve integrated into the group. I’m trying. I just don’t have much to say. I’m not up to date with the latest movies or video games, I haven’t gone to any parties, and I’m not prone to talking about tits and ass as much as these guys are. But Danny still brings me along, trying to keep me involved.

I don’t really feel like being here or around anyone. But I can’t be cooped up in my room, and I don’t want to look Noah in the eye.

I woke up feeling groggier than usual. The chair at my desk was pulled out, which I don’t remember doing. And my door was open. So was Noah’s, although he was still asleep on top of his covers.

He was awake by the time I finished in the bathroom, waiting in the hallway. The circles under his eyes were just as dark as mine, and it worried me. But what worried me more was the way he was looking at me, searching my eyes for something. I don’t know what. But he kept looking at me like that until I decided I couldn’t deal with this today.

He probably wants to talk about what happened yesterday morning. My face flushes just thinking about it. I have nothing to say, though. I’m not sure I’ve entirely processed that it really happened. I was still in a surreal fog when I returned to my room to see a bunch of missed calls and texts from my mother, and since then I’ve been doing my damndest not to think about any of it.

If I just pretend none of it’s happening, it’ll pass. Just like the memories I tamped down until recently, it’ll all subside.The raid, the lawyer, the documentary, the things I let Noah do to me…

“Hey man, you good?”

I look up to see Danny hovering over me, sitting on the edge of the armchair I’m sitting in.

“Yeah, I’m good.”

“You’re not that great of a liar, you know,” he says, leaning back so his elbow is resting on the back of the chair. Trying not to make it too obvious, I lean casually on the other arm to create more space between us and turn in his direction. His face shows concern. Pity.

My heart falls to my stomach, and the fist squeezes. I open my mouth to say something, but no matter what I say, I’ll just confirm the implications that something is wrong. I don’t know what he knows, but then his eyes cut over to where Miah is sprawled out with his legs over the arm of a chair, engrossed in some handheld video game.

“Who else did he tell?” I ask, quietly seething.

“What are you afraid he told me?” he answers cryptically.

“Danny, seriously, what do you know?” I take several slow, deep breaths and give him an imploring look.

He huffs out a breath. “Fine, I don’t know anything. I overheard Miah mention you were going through something. If it helps, I told him he shouldn’t gossip. But,” he says with a pointed look, “I knew you had something going on with you. Why don’t you trust me?”

I breathe a small sigh of relief that he doesn’t know as much as Miah does. And while Miah has a big mouth, he doesn’t know as much as he thinks he does, either. Still, I could strangle him.

Avoiding Danny’s stare, I pull out my phone to text Noah. Maybe he can control his best friend.

Lane: If you don’t tell your bestie to keep his mouth shut, I’m going to gag and waterboard him until he forgets he knows anything about my life.

Noah: Kinky ??

Noah: But seriously, I’ll talk to him.

Noah: What happened?

Lane: He’s getting loose lipped about my business, that’s what.

“I’m your friend,” Danny says. “You know that, right? I’m here if you want to talk. I don’t know what you’ve gone through, but we have a lot in common. Of all people, I can understand what it’s like to grow up in an environment where you have to hide who you?—“

“I don’t have to hide anything,” I growl. My face grows hot as Danny continues to look at me like he’s sorry for me. I’m almost disappointed the rain stopped this morning, because that look makes me want to drown myself in a cold puddle.

“Ouch! What the fuck, man!?”

Looking up to see what the disturbance is, I see Miah rubbing the side of his head. Apparently, Noah has joined our impromptu get together. Whatever he did to Miah, though, he’s no longer paying attention to his friend. Instead, he’s locked a deadly glare on Danny.

I stifle a groan when I realize that Danny still propped over me, and I also mistakenly moved closer to him when I turned around to see what the commotion was about when Miah yelled.

I quickly put space between me and Danny, and my eyes dart around the sitting area. Most everyone is distracted by Miah being obnoxious, or engrossed in their own stuff. One or two people that are close to us are looking over curiously, because Noah is radiating tension.

Don’t, I mouth to him, and shake my head as subtly as I can. The last thing I need right now is more attention on me, or for Noah to chase away my only potential ally here. If I wanted one, that is.

---