Page 71 of Fixation of the Mind

Rin smiled, nodding to her. “Tell Luca and Elio I say hi.”

Cinzia rolled her eyes. “Yeah, sure.”

I settled down in my seat, watching the waiter come by with two plates, then I felt a hand land on my shoulder. A shudder ran down my back, and I knew who was standing behind me.

“Nephew, I have things to discuss with you. Ambros family things.” His eyes slid to Rin like a snake, his smile lewd and venomous. “Miss Rose, don't you clean up nice. You could be almost passable.” In my head, I begged her not to say anything, to just nod and let it go, but life didn't always work out how I wanted.

“Passable?”

His hand shoulder squeezed my shoulder in warning as he laughed. “Just passable enough to fuck and carry the Ambros seed.” I cringed on the inside, wishing I could take the steak knife from the table and stab him with it. “But like I said, almost. Don’t let yourself get any foul thoughts. Let's go, Nephew.” He leaned down, whispering for only me to hear, “Unless you want something bad to happen to the girl, get up and sit at our table like all of the other unruly kids.”

“Shit. Ri. Go.” Roux’s voice had me shaking my head before I looked up at Rin. Her small smile told me to leave, but her eyes were begging me to stay.

“Long game, brother.” Ravi’s calm voice broke me, and I got up, motioning for the waiter to place my plate on the Ambros table. “I know you feel like shit, but we can make it up to her later.”

Glancing at her sitting all alone, looking like someone with no one on their side, I felt terrible. I knew I needed to play the game, and she would understand that, but a deep feeling of wrongness filled my gut. I felt like a failure, unworthy of her. Too bad for her, I could never let her go. Worthy or not.

Chapter 24

Did you think you would never be alone again, Layrin? My own cruel laughter filled my head as I sat there and picked at my food. I knew that Cin and Rion had to sit at their family tables… I mean, I didn't know, know, but it was understandable. I got it, but that dark side liked to hurt me whenever it could.

After killing Gabe, I slowly realized the darkness in my head was a part of me, a side of myself that I never wanted others to see. I had feared if anyone saw it, I would stay alone forever, always the weirdo or the crazy girl, but that wasn't the case.

The guys would never leave me.

Smiling down at my plate, I recalled what we had done before I got ready. My body flushed from just thinking about how amazing they made me feel, how each orgasm was different from the others, just like how each of them fucked me differently. One thing was the same, though. They treated me like I was theirs, like they couldn't bear to be apart from me, like I was precious to them.

That was why, when I saw that Leticia girl touch Rion, wrapping her arms around him, my mind went blank before the darkness took over. Flashing before my eyes, I envisioned five different ways to hurt her. I could ask her to go to one of the rooms, knock her out, and tie her to a chair, chopping off her fingers one by one. I could beat her into the ground until her face looked like ground beef and my hand came away dripping with blood. Scene after scene played in my head until Rion appeared before me and I had to shove it all away.

I didn't realize I could be so violent, even in my mind. At first, I was shocked, feeling a bit like a hypocrite, but at the same time, I didn't hate it. In fact, it made me feel alive, and that was the real scary part.

Stabbing some of the fish on my plate, I ate it and looked up, paying attention to the Russian ballet dancers in front of us. This was not my scene. I wasn't some fancy person who understood what was happening in front of me. All I could do was admire their controlled, graceful movements. Other than that, it was lost on me.

I knew that a lot of eyes were on me tonight, being the newbie here, but my instincts detected one particularly slimy gaze. It was slowly crawling all over me, trying to touch and examine everything. I turned in the direction I felt it coming from, connecting with a set of icy crystal blue eyes that wrought havoc on my peace.

Rion’s uncle was staring at me, lifting his glass as if to say welcome. God, I hated that man. It was obvious he wanted something from me. I could feel it in my bones. I just had to figure out what that was before he came at me with it.

Downing the rest of my drink, I realized I needed to pee. I got up, remembering that I had seen a bathroom near the foyer. When Rion looked at me like he was going to join me, his uncle glared at him, so I shook my head. Flattening my hand, I signaled for him to stop before I maneuvered my way between tables. The spotlight was still on the ballerinas, which made me feel a little better. Maybe there would be less eyes following my quick exit.

A few moments later, I found a sign with a female on it and pushed open the door. Of course, even the bathroom had to make me feel out of place. The whole front area was a separate lounge with couches, mirrors, and bowls of chocolate. It felt a little sexist, but I did grab one of the chocolates and pop it into my mouth. The way it melted on the tongue was the perfect balance of sweetness and cocoa.

The urge below hit me, so I walked over to a set of three velvet-walled stalls with white marble flooring. The whole set-up looked like someone had asked, “What would be the least functional and most extravagant?” then proceeded to follow through on every answer. Mind blowing.

It took me a second to figure out how to collect all of my dresses in one hand, which was a new experience for me, but once I did, I took care of my business, cleaned up, and went to the sink. Maybe I could stay here for a little bit, wait out the ballet. How long did one of those last, anyway? Thirty minutes?

The door opened, and I grabbed the hand towel to dry my hands. Yes, there was a whole wall of hand towels. I have no idea who was replacing them because I hadn’t seen anyone in here since I walked in. Maybe the staff used one of those secret passageways the guys had mentioned. This place seemed so pretentious that I wouldn’t be surprised if their motto was that the staff was best when neither seen nor heard.

“Is ballet not your thing?” The question interrupted my musings, and when I looked up, I saw it was the red dress woman with the big tits—Leticia, was it?

I smiled at her, wanting to test the waters. “Is it that obvious?”

Her tight smile had warning bells going off in my head, so I threw the towel in the basket. There was no telling what might be coming, but I wanted my hands free just in case. I had attempted to move around her when she stepped in front of me, arms crossed, and looked down on me. “It makes sense since you’re just some poor girl that won the DNA lottery.”

Looking down, I tried to cover up my laugh. Her attempt at insulting me was just so pathetic. Did she think that she could say mean things to me and I would crumble? I said worse things to myself on the daily, so I could take whatever bullshit she was going to sling my way.

“Yep. You got me. I’m trash, totally unworthy of the blood in my veins.” I stepped closer to her. “I’m also not the smartest girl in the world, and I am far from the prettiest.” Letting the darkness take over, I smiled, my eyes focused on hers. “But remember that it's you who is jealous of me. How sad for you.”

Her hand rose, ready to slap me, but she didn't notice I already had mine balled into a fist. I slammed it into her abdomen with as much force behind it as I could. She doubled over, clutching her stomach, and I took that moment to walk around her, leaving the bathroom without a word.

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