Page 60 of Fixation of the Mind

I'd never been one to be jealous of my brothers. We looked alike, yet we excelled at different things. It usually worked for us, but waiting for Rin to finish testing was torture. I wanted to be there if someone tried to harm her. If the test was going wrong, I wanted to pull her out even though Rion had told me that would be impossible. Once you went under, you were in until you completed it.

It was getting harder and harder not to scratch the itch by killing someone and taking a large trophy. I hadn’t felt like this in a while—well, ever since we got Rin here. It was like all that excess energy was being focused on her, satisfying the craving I’d had since my first kill.

“Ahhhhh! I think I'm going insane!” Ravi threw a glass at my head, but I ducked, causing it to shatter against the wall. Slowly turning toward him, I raised an eyebrow. Did he really think that was necessary?

“Yes, Roux. Yes, it was necessary! I have all these feelings bottled up and no way to release them.” He huffed, running his hand through his hair and tugging on the ends of the strands. "Next time, I'm not being left behind."

“Do you want to… fight?” I shrugged, not knowing how to help him. We had kept to ourselves over the years, wanting to delve into our obsessions in peace, and that usually helped Ravi stay level. Sure, I was antsy too, but the way he was acting made me think… Was he not basking in his Rin memorabilia lately?

“No!” His exasperated sigh was as unnecessary as the flying glass, but I knew fighting him about it would just escalate the situation. He yanked out his phone. “What I really need is an update, a fucking word, something, but that asshole brother of ours has given us nothing. I’ve texted him seventy-eight times since he left. You don't think that was too much, right?”

I definitely thought that was way too much, but for Ravi, that was probably just the right amount. Shrugging, I went to get the dustpan and broom, not wanting Rin to step on a shard when she got home. That thought—when she got home—caught in my brain, and I doubled down, not wanting to even think about the worst-case scenario. She would come home no matter what.

Ravi had been a bit of a handful today. The kitchen was a mess from him trying to make a congratulations cake. Then he ordered flowers, having to witness more than two agonizing hours of conversation with the florist about making a one-of-a-kind bouquet that represented not only her beauty, but her future beauty. After only hearing ten minutes of the conversation, and I wanted to shoot myself.

Now, he was acting like a dog, running to the door as soon as the motion sensors picked up something, wanting to be waiting outside to open her door and stuff his face full of her. He was pathetic, but Rin seemed to like his brand of attention.

In fact, she was starting to like any of our attention. Good, bad, or psycho, she wanted it all. She was a little greedy minx, making me think about her all the time, so much so that I hated myself, but then I would see her smile. Every time that happened, my heart would flop over, jerking awake from its deadened state.

After the incident with my first kill, I never wanted to care about anyone but my brothers ever again, but that was the trick with Rin. She’d gotten in there before we ever went to live with our uncle. She had burrowed herself deep into our souls, making the three of us turn our heads for different reasons, but strong reasons just the same.

In my youth, I’d tried to cut it out, to get rid of this overwhelming obsession with her. She had taken over my mind since I was nine years old, and I’d never been able to shake it. Whether my fate was to love her or hate her, I would do it to the fullest with only her in my mind. That was why, when Rion started to snoop around in her life at the age of fifteen, I couldn't help myself. It enraged me that she was able to try to make connections with others, while we were stuck in our shitty situation.

It had infuriated me so much that after my first job, that exceeded my uncle's requirements, he gave me more freedom than my brothers, and I’d used those opportunities to make small trips to Virginia to spy on Rin. Take care of some of that riff raff she was trying to get along with.

When she kissed that first guy, I flew off the handle. When I saw that smug smile with lips that had touched hers, my emotions ran wild. I dragged him in an alley and sliced those lips off because that first touch should’ve been mine. He had stolen it, so I was just stealing it back.

Knowing now the pain it caused Rin, I did feel a little bad, but not enough to where I would do it differently if given the chance. I would take each and every souvenir over and over again. They didn't deserve to be in her presence, and the effects it had had on her life, well… Maybe she deserved a little punishment for not being with us. It wasn't fair, I knew that, but it was how I felt.

Ravi ran into the kitchen clutching his phone as I dumped the last of the glass shards in the trash. “She did it! They’re coming back! Our Rin passed!”

Closing my eyes, I let out a deep exhale. One big hurdle was done and with minimal damage. My heart did another one of its flops, and the tension in my stomach ceased.

He danced around me for a little bit, bopping my nose and singing, making me dizzy. I stopped him. “Don’t you think you should be waiting outside with the flowers?”

He stopped, rubbing his chin before lifting a finger. “You genius! Of course! She needs a queen's welcome! We should always welcome her home this way, then she’ll never think of leaving again!”

Before Rion started executing his plan to bring her here, he told us that he had a hunch she would eventually love us back the way we loved her. When we told him that was impossible, that there was no way she could become crazy in love with us like we were with her, he just smiled and said it just needed to be unlocked. With the emotion in her eyes when she thought we weren’t looking, I could tell that my brother might not be far off in his assessment.

Long story short, I didn’t think she would be trying to leave us anytime soon.

The camera showed them opening the gate, and Ravi yelled as he ran out the door and bounced on his toes at the end of the driveway. I stood next to him, wanting to get a glimpse of what she looked like. Was she hurt? In pain? Was there something I could help her with?

She smiled at us through the window, waving just before she turned to answer something Rion had said. Exhaling again, my worries vanished in an instant. I was just glad to have her home.

Before the car even stopped, Ravi was pulling on the door handle, yelling at Rion to unlock the door. Fucking impatient prick.

The door opened, and I could hear Rin's voice saying, “What else was I supposed to do? Plus, I want to hang out with her. It will only be a couple hours, Ri. It won't be the end of the world.” Ravi unbuckled her and pulled her out of the car. She smiled brightly at him, swinging her arms around his neck so she could squeeze him hard.

Once again, I was jealous of how easy this was for Ravi, but at the same time, I was happy for my brother. It was complicated.

Ravi couldn't keep it in anymore, which meant he’d surpassed my initial prediction of five seconds. “Oh, my love, I know you're amazing at everything you do. I didn’t have any doubts for even a second!” Covering my mouth with my hand, I almost blurted out how much of a mess he’d been for the past nine hours, but I didn’t want to be a dick for once. “I got you flowers, and I made you a cake!” The idiot forgot the flowers in the house.

She pulled back, eyes wide. “A cake?!”

Her hesitation was valid, and when she looked at me in question, I shrugged, shaking my hand in front of me to say it was a fifty-fifty gamble whether it was edible.

Smiling, she yanked him by the collar and smashed her lips onto his, kissing him like she was taking his soul. He stiffened at first, eyes going wide, before he melted into her, moaning at her exploration. She pulled away, giving him a peck on the cheek as she mumbled her thanks. With that stupid dopey smile on his face and a wobble to his walk, I knew that prick didn’t mind one bit.

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