Page 44 of Fixation of the Mind

The longer I was with them, the more I learned about them, the more my mind kept drifting into the future. It constantly circled with thoughts of those boys. I was trying to keep this relationship casual, like it could end at any time, but I was stuck in their sand trap, sinking further and further. I thought back on some of the spicier sides of our time together and smirked. At least I was going down with a smile on my face.

With my mind all messed up, half sure of them and half not, I shook my head. I wasn't going to keep my mouth shut like before. I was going to treat this situation differently. I was going to confront Ravi first. He would be the easier one to break. Plus, we had our outing today, so we would be separate from the others.

In the past two weeks, I’d been taking my time with him, but I wouldn't really call what we did training. Since it was a mental test, he claimed I needed to strengthen my mind. First thing in the morning, we did an hour of silent meditation, which, for a normal person, was hard. The first day, I couldn't silence my mind at all, overwhelmed by the random thoughts constantly running through my head.

Ravi had taught me a neat trick that day. It was to accept the thought then immediately release it. I worked on doing that for the next six days, and once we reached week two, I was able to clear my mind without having the thoughts overwhelm me.

After meditation, we would walk around the forest while he gave me no-win scenarios. I had to explain how I would respond to the situation, and sometimes we would debate my answers. Other times, he was silent, thinking over what I’d said before we talked about the consequences of those choices.

Seeing this philosophical side of Ravi was shocking. He was my silly one, the one that didn't take anything too seriously, so it was interesting to see this side of him that I wasn’t used to.

I had to admit, at first, his Layrin shrine had been shocking, even odd, but he never stepped over the line. He was like a puppy, patiently waiting at the line for his master to cross over, then he would jump up and lick them all over. Instead of his closet reminding me of some psycho killer, it blended more into the realm of a teenage fangirl, and I thought that was adorable—even the life-sized Layrin pillow was growing on me.

Leaving my room, I found Ravi waiting outside my door. I should have been used to it by now, but the sight of his raw beauty made me pause. Full head of light brown hair, blond streaks shining like rays of sunlight. Those magnetic swirling hazel eyes that changed with his mood and the light. Partner all that with his tight black shirt and pants, the only flash of color coming from his chrome Nike tennis shoes, and he was gorgeous.

“Let's go. I have some stuff to show you, and it will take a three-hour drive just to get to it.”

I nodded, not letting him know that I was surprised it would take that long, but I wasn't going to complain. It only gave me more time to bug him about what they were keeping from me.

When I looked around, Rion was nowhere to be found, and that just confirmed my suspicion. Something was definitely up.

At the door, Ravi stuck his hand out, motioning for me to wait. “It's going to be chilly, and I don’t want you to be uncomfortable.” He grabbed a lightweight fleece jacket and helped me put it on. I kept my head down, smiling at his thoughtfulness. I’d never had someone do that for me before.

We got into the car and made our way down the secluded road. Both of us were silent as he drove. Once he turned onto the freeway, I let it loose. “So, what are you three hiding from me?”

Ravi’s eyes went wide, looking at me then back at the road. “What do you—”

“Cut the shit, Rav. I know something’s up. Both Roux and Rion were the opposite of how they normally are.” When I saw him still being tight lipped, I explained. “Roux gave me a sweet and gentle kiss on my head, and he even hugged me before he left! Rion was so spaced out that his coffee overflowed, then he attacked me like it was my last day on Earth.”

Ravi’s hands gripped the wheel as he mumbled, “Fucking idiots. I told them not to be weird. I shouldn't have told them anything in advance.”

I bit my lip, waiting for more, but he didn’t say anything. Fine, then I needed to bring out the big guns. “Ravi, I thought we had gotten past this. You told me that you wouldn't lie to me anymore.” Shaking my head, I looked out the window, making a show of pouting.

“W-w-what? No. No, Rin. It's not what you think.” He stumbled over his words, his hands stretched out to touch me, but I moved my shoulder away. Out of the corner of my eye, I watched how his face fell. His whole body caved in on itself before he took a deep breath.

“Layrin, I'm not lying to you. At least not how you think. It's about part of your training for today… and my brothers are just… worried.”

It’s for our training? That explained the secrecy, but not everything. “I don't understand. What are they worried for? Do they think I can’t succeed?”

Ravi was quiet for a moment, inhaling deeply like it was giving him strength. “No. They’re afraid of what you will be like after you succeed.”

Well, that was ominous, but the more I badgered Ravi, the less he would tell me. It became his mantra to say that I would witness it all soon enough. He kept insisting that I had to trust him, and surprisingly, against my better judgment, I did.

Three hours blew by in a flash. We drove into Rochester, NY in the late afternoon. Ravi made it a big deal that he was taking me to lunch/dinner. We went to some fancy white tablecloth restaurant that I was severely underdressed for, but Ravi waved my concerns away, telling me that no one would dare turn him away. He was R. Ambros, after all.

Afterwards, he took me around the city, showing me some of the lesser-known places. It wasn't until it got dark that he started to show me the seedier parts of town. We ventured into back alleys and dark corners, which was very different for me.

These were the exact places that I’d always avoided, so while it was exciting and I felt safe with Ravi, my heart pumped hard and a thin sheen of sweat built across my brow. My survival instincts told me that this was a bad idea and I would regret it.

Ravi kept me close, always next to me, my dark angel. People would look at us, but they quickly looked away when their eyes met his. His aura gave off don’t-fuck-with-me-or-I’ll-kill-you vibes, and wisely, no one wanted to test him.

We finally found ourselves stopped in front of a clean-looking strip mall. Most of the spaces were vacant, all except one that had a banner up with the words, “Star Finder.”

Ravi stood on the sidewalk, just watching that shop, but I still didn’t understand. “Ravi, what are we doing here?”

He didn't say anything at first, just motioned for me to watch. It was a pretty barren location, with no clues to tell me about what the hell was going on. The darker it became, the more the temperature dropped, and I was getting cold.

Turning to tell Ravi that I wanted to go back to the car, he put his finger to his lips and pointed. “There he is.”

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