Page 1 of Fixation of the Mind

Chapter 1

As my senses came back to me, I realized I was face down on something flat. Taking in a long breath, the stench of rubber filled my nostrils. The vibrations from the floor shook my whole body, and when my eyes cracked open, I was surrounded by darkness. Oh yeah. I got kidnapped.

The only good thing about being bound and hooded was that I couldn’t focus on the boys’ betrayal. Nope. That was tomorrow's problem… If I lived to tomorrow.

It took a second for my mind to kickstart. Pain radiated from the back of my skull to the front, making me wince in agony. Partner that with my rolling stomach, and I knew this day was just going to get worse.

Suddenly, I had the tenacious idea to try to sit up, to try to find out as much as I could about what was going on. I was pretty sure I was in the back of some van with how loudly sounds echoed and how jerky it was whenever we hit some kind of bump.

I tried to roll onto my back to sit up, but that didn't work very well because every time the driver turned a corner, I tumbled over to the other side. Since my hands were tied in the back, I kept falling face first into the floor. At this point, I was just glad there was nothing else in this van that I could fly into.

Suddenly, I was jerked forward when we stopped. Even though I was groggy and my head felt like it was splitting in two, I readied myself to focus on whatever I heard next. It was obvious this person was strong and skilled, so I needed to be smarter, or at least ready to seize a chance to escape if it presented itself.

The rumble of the engine cut off before two doors opened, so I knew there had to be at least two people responsible for my kidnapping. Only one set of steps was coming my way, but I didn’t know if that was one of the people from the car or a third who’d been waiting for me to be brought to this new location. It would make sense that there’d be a few people—the two who were strong and crafty enough to take me by surprise and haul me away, then another to make sure everything was ready when they arrived. A third door clicked, the one closest to me, and the hinges creaked as it opened.

A low, muffled voice sounded above me. “Don't fight. You'll just hurt yourself.”

I knew it was dumb of me to ask, but it came out before I could stop myself. “Why do you care? You're just going to kill me.”

The voice didn't answer, just like I expected, but what I didn't expect was the calm, gentle way my kidnapper’s hands grabbed me, cradling me in their arms instead of throwing me over their shoulder.

I did as they asked, not fighting what was happening, and focused on using my senses. The pungent smell of the burlap bag over my head, the crunching of gravel with every step they took, and the soft, steady breathing coming from my captor.

My heart squeezed, though whether it was in a good or bad way, I couldn't tell. My mind kept playing back what I had seen just moments before I was abducted. While the boys’ secrets were most definitely disturbing and the pang of betrayal still stung my heart, I knew each of them were in some way obsessed with me.

But what kind of obsession was it? Were their gestures and words simply a means of manipulating me? Were all the displays of emotion just cleverly crafted performances? If that were the case, they were very good at hiding their true intentions, or maybe I was just naive enough to think that I finally had people on my side, people who would think of my betterment. I was leaning toward the latter, but none of that mattered now.

No matter their real motives, I should've listened to them. I knew someone had it out for me, but I let my emotions run wild, and now I was paying the price for it.

It was much better to stay with the psychos you knew than the kidnappers you knew nothing about.

I was settled onto a chair before a second set of hands carefully maneuvered my bound arms around the back of it. The coolness of the smooth surface soaked into my skin, telling me I was sitting on metal. Obviously, I still couldn’t see what was going on, but I could picture it in my head like a scene from a movie. Everything, even down to the chair they used, was a signal as to how professional they were.

Once I was settled, two sets of footsteps got farther and farther away until a door slammed shut. The silence in the room was deafening, and once again I was left alone.

With nothing else to occupy my mind, the same questions swirled in my head. Why? What could I have done to these people? Does it have to do with the boys?

My mind drifted from the situation I was in and onto the boys I'd left behind. On the surface, the situation looked scary, threatening, and even horrifying, but when I thought back to my time with them, not once had they hurt me. Not once had the alarm bells in my chest rung to tell me they were bad.

They had fed me, clothed me, taken care of me, and kept me safe and warm. Going over those days and nights, I was forced to admit that nothing had happened that I didn't want. I was a willing participant who was always given time to think, and the ability and space to say no, so what was I really upset about?

Sure, the files and data Rion had captured, Ravi’s shrine, and the jars Roux had filled were all creepy. In an over-the-top, macabre sort of way, they could be taken as proof of their dedication and devotion. What else could motivate someone to keep such kinds of mementos? And I had a feeling that was what they were, souvenirs saved for some private kind of satisfaction or purpose. They’d obviously never intended for me to find those things, so maybe their obsession actually was rooted in some real emotion for me? I clearly occupied their thoughts in the years we’d been apart. Maybe they genuinely cared for me like I did for them.

My survival side came rearing its head the second I’d settled on giving them some kind of credit. What the fuck are you thinking!? Did you forget those jars were filled with pieces of people?

A second voice, smaller and meeker, combatted the loud, obnoxious one. People who hurt me.

I smirked at my idiotic self. Sure, but their actions were also the reason you were ostracized and labeled as the cursed child in high school. Do you not remember that? Roux is the direct reason for all your pain and suffering!

As tears clouded my vision, I shook my head. I didn't want to think about that right now. I didn't want to feel hurt by them all over again.

The small voice sounded less sure when it replied, Rion and Ravi didn't contribute to that. Do they deserve our ire?

Oh, you mean the one that has been watching you for years from afar, using security footage to spy on you? Every time you thought you felt eyes on you, you were right. They were him. And don't get me started on the infatuated one. He sat there and used those pictures of you, blew you up to a body pillow, and snagged your underwear… To do what? You think he’s just praying over it? Get real, Layrin. He’s using all of that for god knows what, thinking of you the entire time.

But isn't that kinda sweet? It's been about me all this time, the meek voice said, but I could feel the larger logical voice towering over it, overpowering the small voice I realized was my heart.

It's been about you in secret. All they've done is hide things from you and made you believe what they wanted you to believe. Lied to you. Everything was lies, even from the beginning.

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