Page 46 of Fixation of the Mind

My breath hitched when he guided me up the broken stairs, my heart pounding in my ears as we walked down a disgusting stain-filled hallway. At the end of the hallway was a closed door, and Ravi stopped, whispering, “Forgive me.” Before I could ask him for what, he opened the door and pulled me in.

The room looked barren, and the crunch of glass beneath my shoes made me want to get out of here as soon as possible, but as soon as I heard a pleased sigh, I turned around. A dark lump sat in the corner of the room.

My feet moved on their own as I let go of Ravi’s hand to creep closer. Dread filled me when Ravi spoke. “After culinary school, he tried to keep a few odd jobs but always got fired for stealing.” Looking down, I saw a blissed out Gabe, eyes closed and a smile on his face. He was slumped against the wall, a needle in his other hand.

“He hooked up with some mid-tier thieves, and they went after the wrong mark. A major skin-trade dealer lying low here. He killed all the crew except for Gabe, telling him that he would need to pay for trying to rob him. After that, he set up shop in that building we were at before.”

I grimaced, not wanting to hear more about the boy who was occasionally kind to me. I didn’t want to know more about how he’d grown up to become… this.

Ravi came up to my side, his voice making me shiver as he glared down at Gabe. “You see, the routine is that Gabe here gets young girls to sign up for a modeling contract, making sure they’re freshly eighteen so they don't need parental consent. He says all the right things, has a professional website and references, and when they come in for their last interview, he drugs their drink and hands them off to the men you saw.”

Bile rose up in my throat, and my hands clenched as I looked down at the man he had become. I was sickened. To take advantage of girls who were already growing up in poor neighborhoods with shitty futures on the horizon… They were just looking for one lucky break to get them out, and he was selling them a dream while delivering a nightmare.

“You want to know the worst thing?” I didn't. I really didn't, but I couldn’t tell him to stop. “He does all of this for heroin. Each girl he brings, he gets enough for a couple days. This makes it so he’s on the hunt the next day for another girl. Wouldn’t want his supply to ever run out.”

Rage filled my veins. How long had he been doing this? How many girls had he sold? The boy I'd known was no longer inside of him. All that was left was this vile creature that preyed on others to fulfill his selfish desires. I felt sick just being in his presence.

I had turned to tell Ravi that I wanted to go home, but the cool touch of metal met my fingers, stopping all thought. A gun was clutched in Ravi’s hand, and he was handing it to me. Looking up at him with wide eyes, both sorrow and unyielding determination reflected on his face.

“This is your test, Rin. You know this man, you’ve known him since your youth, but what he’s done, what he’s still doing is vile and needs to be eradicated. You need to do this.” Pulling my fingers open, he placed the gun in my hand.

It wasn't my first time with a gun, but I shook all over. During my time with Roux, he’d given me basic training on how to clean and use a gun. I had okay accuracy, which he planned to work on after the test was over. For now, he’d explained, I just needed to know to shoot it without being scared.

I was scared now.

My gaze bounced between Gabe and Ravi until I settled on the latter, about to beg him not to make me do this. Ravi beat me to it, grabbing me with hands, and desperation filled his voice.

“You need to do this, Rin.” He turned me around to face Gabe. “He hands over girls to be sold to the highest bidder. Do you know what kind of men purchase them? The ones that want to do unexplainable, unspeakable things to them, things they would normally get in trouble for. Do you know what happens to each and every one of those girls?” I flinched, wanting to know just as much as I didn't want to hear it. “They die, Rin. They die horrible deaths and are thrown away, discarded. Alone.”

My whole body clenched. Alone. They die alone.

The words kept circling around in my brain, and that door I kept locked moved the barest of an inch. Its contents began to seep out the cracks. They’re just like you. Alone. Always alone. Never knowing love… but we can save others…

Looking at the gun in my hand, I knew what the voice wanted me to do, what Ravi wanted me to do, but could I?

I lifted the gun and pointed it at Gabe’s head, trusting that there was a reason I had to do this. Maybe Foedus had told him this was part of the test. Maybe this was their way of breaking me down in order to piece me back together the way they wanted.

I knew the boys had killed people before, I could guess that Elio, Luca, and Cin had done the same, but that was the world they’d grown up in. I wasn’t part of their world. I was an outsider. The failure. The loner.

Gabe’s eyes cracked open for a second, his brows furrowed in confusion. “Layrin?”

His eyes closed, and he slumped back down. I lowered the gun, shaking my head. “I can’t. I can’t.”

Out of nowhere, Rion’s voice came from behind. “Yes, you can.” I swiveled around and saw all three of them. My men. Rion looked like a hobo with his beanie and dirty, oversized clothes. A mask covered his mouth, but his eyes were the man I knew. Next to him, on my left, was Roux, but he had several facial piercings, black hair, and tattoos down his arms. Neither of them looked anything like themselves, but those eyes couldn't fool me. All three of them were looking down at me with love… and regret.

“Wha—” I started, but Ravi cut me off in a hurry.

“They can't be here for long, but we knew you would need help with this part.” His hand reached up to tuck a strand of my hair back.

Roux nodded to me, his silent support speaking volumes, then Rion spoke.

“We didn't want to tell you this unless it was necessary.” He looked to his brothers, who nodded. “You need to do this, or our uncle is going to retaliate. I don’t know what he’ll do or how bad it will be, but I bet he’ll deem us unfit to train you. He’ll take you away with him, and Rin, we can’t let that happen.”

The raw urgency in his voice told me he was scared. He was scared that I would get taken away, and he couldn't prevent it. Glancing at the others, they were giving me the same pleading looks. I was compelled to turn around and face Gabe.

As I looked down at him, a myriad of emotions ran rampant, bouncing me in different directions. My soul and mind battled for clarity until a single determined, steely thought sliced through all the mess and confusion. They will not be taken from me. They’re mine.

Three sets of hands landed on my back, not pushing me, just lying there in support. Their weight reminded me that I would never be alone with them at my back.

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