Page 33 of Fixation of the Mind

I didn’t know why it was at this point that my emotions ran wild. Frustration reared its ugly head. I was disappointed in myself and how long I was taking to retain this information. The worst of it was how extremely infuriated I was by his ability to work with me while acting like nothing fazed him, while I was having a hard time. Maybe all those glances and sexually charged touches were just in my head?

I thought back to the words he’d spoken weeks before, remembering the true joy on his face when I came back unharmed from the council meeting. All of that pointed toward his care for me. Hell, even before I got kidnapped, I had seen his drawer with all the videos, documents, and moments he kept about me. I would dare to say he had been infatuated with me, but lately, his attitude said the infatuation had passed.

If his feelings for me were so paltry, so easy to get over, why had he created a false scholarship to get me here? Why did he even start anything with me? “Maybe it was just a ‘love her and leave her’ thing. Prick.”

I realized too late that I had said that out loud. I snapped my mouth shut, biting on the inside of my cheek so hard that I tasted blood, praying he hadn’t heard it. As if I could ever be so lucky. When he paused, slowly turning around to glare at me, I knew my bad luck had won out yet again.

“Love her and leave her? Prick? What kind of backward ass thoughts are running through your head?” His whole body moved with a stiffness that wasn't there before, and his twitching eye and strained smile showed that he was finally bothered by something.

I didn’t know if it was that stupid fake smile or the fact that he’d called my thoughts ‘backward ass,’ but my lips flew faster than my brain could think. “Yes, you!” I shot up, stomping around my table to get in his face. “You sit here and tell me all these nice things, try to gain my trust again, to make me feel something for you, just so you can manipulate me into doing what you want. You guys don’t love me. You just want to control me!” Crossing my arms and sticking my chin out, I dared him to say something different.

He straightened up, his eyes burning with something I couldn't put my finger on, but it caused my stomach to flip. Before me, his body began to tremble, and when a tight cackle left his mouth, the whole room felt like a tornado was about to be set off.

Oh shit, what did I do?

“Love?” His head tilted to the side as his eyes darkened on me. “This isn't love.” His short, clipped tone had my eyes widening, and I thought my heart was about to stop.

They didn’t love me?

He sauntered forward, his body moving with the grace of a cat and the raw power of a lion, until he pushed me, making me step back. I bumped into the table and barely managed to keep myself balanced.

“Love is about sacrifice, Layrin. It's a give and take between equal partners.” His hand rose, gently lifting a lock of my hair. “It's sweet and precious.” He closed his eyes, bending forward as he took a deep, loud inhale. He moaned before his eyes opened into slits, watching me like he wanted to devour me. “Love is nothing compared to how we feel about you.” A violent, malicious aura pulsed from him as he leaned into me, but somehow, I wasn’t afraid.

“We want to consume you, devour your soul, lay claim to every cell in this body.” With a feather-light touch, his fingers traveled down the column of my throat, and I gulped. “We want to chain you to us so that you can never leave.” His eyes took on a crazed look as he tilted his head down, resting his forehead on mine as he stared into my soul.

“We want to ravage every scrap of skin this body holds. We want to tap into your bloodstream, sink into your DNA, and completely possess you. We want to steal your light and give you our darkness. We want your mind to be only on us, just as much as you had taken over ours all those years ago. Love?” He let out a dark chuckle, and a brilliant green surfaced in his eyes. The conviction in his tone caused my heart to flash a warning sign in my head.

“You are the sun, the moon, and the air that we breathe. You are the goddess that controls our universe, a divine being with shiny sinful rays that us demons thirst to covet, and now we’re addicted. There’s no cure for what we feel for you. We need to have more. Have it all.” His hands roamed my body, just the lightest of touches, but the feel of him marking me seared my skin, branding me as his.

“No.” He chuckled, the sound inky and menacing. “Love doesn't begin to touch the pure unadulterated obsession we have for you.” He breathed me in deeply, like he was savoring every note.

“You're an obsession that will never stop. Your hold on us has only increased with time.” He slid his hands into my hair, cupping the back of my head, and his lips were a hair's breadth away from mine when he whispered, “You are our drug, our poison, our life-saving cure.” His hand tightened in my hair, his low, slow words a threat as well as a vow. “From this day forward, we will never be far from you, whether you like it or not.”

My lungs tightened, making it hard to breathe as our chests touched. My lips parted for only a second, but that was all it took for him to drive in and devour me in an all-consuming kiss. His hands gripped my body, one weaving its fingers through my hair to control my head as he pressed into me like he had been holding back a tidal wave. Unable to think straight, all I could feel was his other hand gripping my hips as he ground himself against me.

Why did he have this pull over me? He and his brothers planned to manipulate and lie to me, so why did his kiss feel… everlasting? Why did his hands warm my skin and excite me? I want him, all of him. All of them. I want their attention to never drift from me.

What the hell was I thinking? My shaky hands lifted to his chest, fingertips curled in preparation to shove him away. I needed to shove him away.

No. I need him closer. Tighter. I want their boundless need for me. I’ve finally found my persons, the ones who will never leave.

My hands suddenly relaxed, sliding up his chest to lazily curl around his neck. His lips broke away from mine, and I gasped for air. “Love her and leave her, what an absolutely ludicrous idea.” His words sounded more and more like a sweet threat.

He tipped my head backward, searching my face for something until his normally thin-lined mouth curled upward. What did he find? “I think this calls for a punishment, something that will show you how serious we are about you. How we crave you much more than you could ever imagine.”

“W-w-what about training?” I looked around, giving my half-hearted attempt to stay here and work a shot. Who knew what I’d do if he continued down this road. The new side of me that was seduced by their thirst for me was starting to win out against the logic I’d cultivated all my life.

His hand collared my neck, the tips of his fingers turning my head back to him. “That can wait. This is more important. You are always more important.” His words carefully crafted like they always were, but the tone behind them was deeper, more controlled.

I blinked, then his lips were back on mine, languidly tasting and teasing me with his tongue. Even with the change of pace, it felt like he was caressing pleasure out of me. The build-up was so slow and steady that I didn't notice how excited I’d gotten until I was choking myself against his hand, desperately trying to get closer. His body was steady as a rock, completely controlled.

“You like that, my Rin.”

I nodded, and he chuckled when my hands reached for more.

He grabbed my neck more forcefully, pushing me back until I hit the table, never taking his eyes off me. “I can show you so much more, Rin.” His body nestled between my thighs. “I can have you begging me for so much more.” He leaned forward, his lips whispering along the shell of my ear as his fingers added pressure to my neck. “So let go, Rin, and just feel. Respond. React. Lose yourself to my worship of you.”

A shiver worked its way down my back, but the war within me was being won by the side that craved their particular attention. I relaxed, letting him know I wasn’t going to fight him. In fact, I was going to do what he’d said. Licking my lips, I dared him. “Show me.”

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