Page 47 of Assistant to the Assassin

I’m crossing you in style some day

Oh, dream maker, you heart breaker

Wherever you’re goin’, I’m goin’ your way

Two drifters, off to see the world

There’s such a lot of world to see

We’re after the same rainbow’s end

Waitin’ ’round the bend

My huckleberry friend

Moon river and me.”

She took her last breath shortly after I finished, and all I could do was stare down at my mom, my world, the light of my life. Part of me kept expecting her to regain focus and assure me that she was okay and would remain so, but she didn’t move. Her eyes stayed open, her mouth agape, her chest unmoving.

Dead.

“I heard a woman’s voice from down the hall,” I continue, “along with a deep masculine voice shouting in anger, and something inside me snapped. I placed my mother down onto the ground, exited the room…then I killed them all. I went from room to room, level to level, shooting everyone except for the workers. Every supervisor, every boss, every patron, every drunken observer in the street. When I ran out of bullets, I used a knife. When I lost the knife in someone’s back, I used the cane one of the supervisors used to beat the prostitutes. When the cane broke, I used my hands and whatever objects I could find. I bathed the brothel in the blood of the slavers and predators. By the time I was finished, my clothes and skin were soaked in the blood of my mother and the blood of my victims. The woman who had helped me earlier, as well as all the other prostitutes and bartenders, cowered in fear of me. They hid behind furniture, cried behind the bar, and looked at me like I was no better than the men that had sold them. Before the authorities arrived, I retrieved my mother’s body, drove to Veluwezoom National Park, and buried her there. I marked it with a makeshift cross I made from two sticks and then I recited various prayers, ensuring she would enter heaven.”

I flick my eyes to Beth, who sits next to me stiffly, her eyes red from tears. I can’t tell what she’s thinking by her expression, and I don’t try to decipher it. Instead, I tell her this: “The CIA had to do a lot of damage control because of the massacre I created in Amsterdam. The Netherland government claimed that the fault was with a group of brothel patrons high on meth. The director of the CIA said that pinning the blame on me would only paint the CIA in a bad light, and the Netherlands along with it. So we all agreed I would go quietly. I had no idea that you would be let go as a result, and the minute I found out, I asked you to come work for me, and despite my best efforts, despite the vow I made to myself to never trust anyone again, to never care for someone again, I grew to admire and care for you as we worked together.”

I squeeze her hand in mine, feeling another tear fall down my cheek. “I love you, Beth. You think what I did for my mother was extreme and barbaric? There is no limit to what I would do to keep you safe. I would kill anyone, break any rule, defy any lingering code I still live by, even betray the God I serve. I’ve resisted you, pushed you away, because if you die—”

My voice cracks, and I’m not sure I can even finish that sentence. But I must.

“I learned how to survive without my mother, but I couldn’t learn how to survive without you. If you die, I cease to be.”

“You think it’s not the same for me?” she whispers, bringing her shaking hands up to cup my cheeks. Her palms and fingers are as soft as the rest of her, and I want nothing more than to fall into her arms and never leave them. “You are my life, Henry. Without you, I’m nothing. Did you really think you telling me all of this would change that?”

“It should,” I whisper, no longer having the strength to resist her comforting touch. I lean into it, into her. “I killed dozens, maybe even a hundred people because of my mother, and I know not all of them were to blame for what happened to her. The customers and bystanders did nothing, but I killed them anyways, and I feel no remorse for it. I feel no remorse for everything I did in the name of protecting my mom or avenging her death.”

Another tear falls down my cheek, and I let her wipe it away with her fingertips. “I’ve been so scared of what Harrison will do when he arrives here because he and I aren’t all that different,” I admit. “His brother was his entire world, the only person he ever loved, and that was my mother for me. He’ll slaughter anyone that gets in the way of his revenge, just like I did. And you know what the worst part is? I would feel no remorse if I did all of that again to protect you. I would bathe and revel in the blood of anyone who dares lay a finger on you. You should be repulsed by me, as I’m sure Mama would be if she were here.”

She grips my face tightly in hers, her expression almost angry. “That’s all a bunch of bullshit. You don’t hurt people for pleasure or money, you do it to protect people. Everything you do is for the benefit of others, not for you, and that’s what sets you apart from the rest, especially from Harrison. If it’s true that all sins are seen as equal, and that you will be judged by God the same as the people you’ve killed, then I’ll be suffering eternally beside you.”

“What are you talking about?”

She laughs incredulously, shaking her head. “I agreed to come work for you, knowing full well how many laws and rules we both would break; I buy you acid and mercury to destroy bodies, a task you and I have both done on several occasions, and I help you track down and study the people you kill before you kill them. You may pull the trigger, but I load the gun. How could I judge you as if I were on a moral high ground when we’ve always been the same, H?”

I attempt to break my gaze with her, but she holds me firm, preventing me from turning away. “I love you, Henry Cai, and I’m not going to let those fuckers take our future away from us. When they show up here, we kill them all, then we spend the next six or seven decades eating food from cans and fucking on the beach. I will accept no other alternative.”

The picture she paints is more than I could ever ask for, and for that reason, I know it’s too good to be true. I will never be allowed to have happiness like that, but even if I were…“I’ve spent so much of my life working towards the goal of finding my mother and killing all those who mean to harm others…I don’t think I know how to do anything else. I don’t know how to just exist in the moment, to be happy.”

To my surprise, Beth smiles. “Good thing we’ll have the rest of our lives for me to teach you.”

Living Life With No Need of Brakes

Henry leans forward and catches my mouth, and I’m once again caught off guard by how warm and soft his mouth is. It’s so easy to let him pull you in through his kiss, like a siren luring a sailor with their song. I’m utterly lost in him.

He grips on to my hips as his tongue slips into my mouth, anchoring me to the couch. I move my hands from his face down to where his neck meets his chest; I fist his shirt in my fingers, pulling him closer to me, if that’s even possible.

“Beth.” Henry tries to break the kiss, but I know what he’s about to say, and I’m not having it. I suck his bottom lip into my mouth, making him groan in pleasure and restraint.

“Beth,” he says again, his voice barely rising to a whisper, but the urgency is still the same as before.

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