Page 31 of Assistant to the Assassin

“Just call me if you see anything,” I grumble, ending the call before he can make any more observations or amused remarks.

I make my way over to the gym and find Beth sitting down on the mats. In one hand is her Dexcom sensor receiver and in the other is a juice box. I sit down on the mat beside her, glancing down at the screen myself, finding a giant 56 on the screen.

“Do you need another?” I ask.

She shakes her head. “This is twenty-four carbs. I should be fine.”

“Let me rephrase: do you want another?”

She chuckles, giving me a thankful look. “I would love another.”

Every doctor insists you have to correct minimally for a low blood sugar, but as Beth has described to me before, when her blood sugar is low, she feels like a starving bear who wants some fucking food.

First time I ever saw her go low was when we were bringing a package from Ricky into our office and that annoying receptionist cornered us, asking what was in the box. Beth started sweating, shaking, and she got this glazed, unfocused look in her eyes. The receptionist kept asking what was wrong with her, going as far as to step in Beth’s way as she tried to get into the office. Beth violently shoved her aside and barely got any coherent words out as she dug around our minifridge for a juice. She downed three before she was able to explain that her blood sugar was 42.

I had known she was a diabetic beforehand, but I had been ignorant to what it really meant. She had leaned against our office minifridge, downing Capri-Suns like she might die if she didn’t, and I had asked if she could explain her condition to me. We had talked for over an hour, and by the time we left the office for the day, a foundation of trust had been built between us—a trust that would develop into the greatest friendship I’ve ever known.

“How was Ian?” Beth asks once the juice box is empty.

“Nothing to report, so we still have time to practice.” I wrap my arms around my bent legs, locking my hands together. “You’ve gotten really good at the escape moves, and your punching has improved greatly. Tomorrow, I want to teach you how to use a gun, and that’s what we’ll be focusing on until Harrison gets here. We’ll still practice defense, but a gun will always be the most important weapon at your disposal.”

She nods, letting out a heavy sigh. “Couldn’t we take one day off? Just one, so we can spend some time together?”

“We’ve spent loads of time together,” I argue. We eat every meal together, watch Downton Abbey after dinner, and sleep together at night.

She looks up at the ceiling in exasperation. “We’re doing the things we’ve always done, and don’t get me wrong, I love all the time we spend together, but I want more. I want to go on a date, I want to touch you and kiss you—I’m going insane, H. It was hard enough when I didn’t know you felt the same way about me as I did you, but now that everything is out in the open, I can’t just continue to act like we’re friends and nothing more. And I know we need to prepare for Harrison and his team, but can—”

I hook my finger under her chin and pull her lips to mine, cutting her words off. She sighs against me, and when she starts reciprocating, I bring my other hand up to cup her face, keeping her locked against me. She wraps her arms around my waist in answer, raking her fingers into my hair, and an involuntary groan escapes me as a result.

I’ve thought about what this moment would be like for the last three years, and even my wildest daydreams and most vivid fantasies didn’t prepare me for the real thing. Her lips are soft and plump; I feel like I’m being sucked into her with each caress of hers against mine. She grows a little bold and bites down on my bottom lip, and I nearly come in my pants like a fucking teenager. I slick my tongue against her mouth, and she immediately opens up to let me in, meeting my enthusiasm tenfold. She’s kissing me like we’ll both die tomorrow, and if we actually do, at least I got to experience this before I left this earth. At least I’ll die knowing the taste of her, the heat of her mouth, the little moans she gives me as I clutch on to her waist.

I’m the one to break the kiss, and Beth lets out a whine in protest.

“I’ve never done this before,” I confess, caressing her jaw with my thumb. “I don’t know how to be in a relationship, especially a romantic one. I never really had a friend before you, and I certainly never had a girlfriend or boyfriend. The most I’ve ever experienced were several one-night stands, and I never felt anything for those people beyond lust. I’ve never felt this way about anyone before.”

“Neither have I,” she whispers, tightening her hold around my neck, pressing her forehead against mine. “I love watching shows with you and talking and doing the things we’ve always done together. I still want to do those things. It’s just felt like our confession never happened, like we’re still in the same place…Part of me wondered if that’s what you want. Like you said, you have never had a relationship before. Do you even want one?”

“Yes. I’m sorry if my behavior the last few days has made you think the opposite.” I shake my head, shutting my eyes. “Nine mercenaries are after us and you have little to no training. I like to believe that Ian and I can take care of them, but if we can’t…I need to know you’re able to defend yourself. I need you to be as safe as possible. I can’t lose you too. I wouldn’t survive your death.”

She places a soft kiss on my lips. “You won’t lose me. I promise.”

“You can’t make that promise,” I grit out, pulling my head away from hers. “I’ve been going about life like we usually do because it’s what I’m familiar with—it’s a routine I can force myself to stick to. If I give in to the urge to kiss you, to touch you, to serenade you with romantic evenings, to stay in bed with my face between your thighs for hours on end—I am addicted to you, B. Always have been and always will be. If I give in, I’ll never resurface again, and we’ll never have you ready for the fight we know is coming.”

“You may be easily distracted, but I’m certainly not,” she argues, donning that bossy attitude I find so attractive. “I can simultaneously be an attentive student and girlfriend. We train from breakfast to dinner every day, and there will be a no flirting or touching rule other than for training purposes. Then every evening we will have a date of some kind, like a movie or candlelit dinner. And once training is done, all talk of impending doom and fighting gets tabled so we can focus on us and our relationship. How does that sound?”

The image of her at gunpoint surfaces in my mind, the hands of mercenaries binding and torturing her for any information regarding me, or just for the fun of it. I immediately dismiss the thought, but it stresses the fear I’ve been feeling ever since that fucking security camera started blinking again. Beth could end up dead, and just like last time, it would be my fault.

But holding back my feelings for her won’t keep us less distracted, it will only keep us more so. I’m going crazy as it is, and I know she’s the same way. We’ll only be torturing ourselves by going about life as usual, and I don’t want to anymore. I’ve wanted Beth since she first started working with me, and now that I know she wants me too, there’s nothing that will keep me from having her, nor her from having me.

But also we need to focus on the task at hand.

“Okay.”

She raises her brows. “Okay?”

“Let’s go over the self-defense moves a few more times and practice punching, then we’ll have a nice evening catered and crafted by yours truly.”

She brushes her nose with mine, smiling wide. “I can’t wait. How about we watch more Downton? We haven’t seen a new episode in a few days.”

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