Page 7 of A Love of Wrath and Rapture

Renee rolls her eyes. “That’s not the point. Any idiot with a brain can dance around in a circle and recite a few words, but it’s the intent behind it that’s dangerous. You went into that ritual with the intention of summoning something.”

“No, I wanted to reassure you that it wasn’t real. And you were right! It’s not real. You should be happy about that.”

She mumbles things under her breath again, which makes me want to let out a groan. She’s back to being mad at me, back to believing that I’m worse than the dirt stuck to her shoes. I don’t know what it’s going to take to make Renee happy again, but I think I’ve screwed up my chances for the day.

“Look, I’m sorry,” I say. “I didn’t think it was going to affect you this badly. I really didn’t.”

“Well, it did!” she snaps, wiping away at her eyes. I’m somewhat stunned by her emotional response. “Fuck off. I’ve worked too hard to survive. I don’t need this shit right now…”

“Renee.”

“Stop,” she says, holding out a hand. “Just stop talking. You talk way too much for your own good. When are you going to learn to be quiet?”

Her voice wavers as she speaks. I blink slowly, deciding to leave her alone for the time being. Our boots crunch through the snow as we make the long trudge back to the settlement.

“I wanted to make you laugh,” I admit quietly, keeping my eyes on my feet. “I thought we’d be able to make jokes about the ritual and just laugh it off together. I’m sorry.”

“Evangeline,” she says, clearly exasperated. “I’m tired, okay? I didn’t eat this morning, I gave my rations away to Margaret. I hardly slept. I’m freezing my ass off out here and now I have a headache. I’m not in the mood to talk about this anymore.”

“No, I get it. I understand,” I reply, nodding. Still, it kind of hurts to get so brutally rejected from continuing a conversation. “But I’m sorry. I hope you know that.”

Renee hums, nodding slightly. Then she starts leading the way as she usually does, moving quickly through the snow and leaving me behind with her quick strides. This time, I don’t try to hurry after her. I stay at my own pace.

Eventually, I stop to catch my breath. I turn around to glance at the snow-carved path we’re leaving behind. My eyes drift to the spot in the middle of the forest where I did the ritual.

There’s nothing that can come out of this, right? Those were just rumors.

“Right,” I whisper, furrowing my eyebrows together. “Just dumb rumors.”

Gazing at Renee, she’s already leaving me behind. She’s way ahead of me, not even looking back at me anymore. Thankfully, we’re close enough to the settlement and I can figure my way back from here, even if she leaves me alone completely.

Within the settlement, I’ve always found it difficult to make friends. I try to do the best that I can, sparking up conversations and trying to make people feel good. But for some reason or another, there are some people who want nothing to do with me.

Renee might just be one of them, and there’s nothing I can do about that.

“What a good start to the day,” I mumble, moving my feet through the snow. My stomach grumbles, so I appease myself by thinking of the warm meats and stew that await me back within the settlement gates.

4

XEROS

“That’s an amusing sentiment.”

I feel my mind reaching out, making a connection to nothing in particular, as the quiet rush of the wind blows around me, dislodging leaves from the illusory trees. Deep in my hallucination, I could almost see my target in my mind’s eye as I guided her.

“She was so beautiful,” I think, recounting her strange features.

She was neither like my kind nor like the dark elves that spurred mutual hatred. Something about her grows such utter fascination in me.

The wind brings a strange chill with it as I walk aimlessly through the forest, now unaccompanied by the fragments of my past. The silence is such a beautiful and rare companion in this twisted realm.

But it’s all a lie… just another dream within a dream that I’ve conjured up to pass the time. Surely, I’ve created this woman as a coping mechanism, rather than conjuring her from the aether. Even as my mind tries to hope, I know that she can’t be more than an illusion designed to trick me.

This isn’t the first time I’ve tried to forge my connection with something, before remembering that I am tethered to nothing in this realm. This is, after all, my cell.

“A cell I don’t deserve.”

How much longer will I abide by this injustice? When will I seize power and find a way to free myself?

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