Page 36 of A Love of Wrath and Rapture

In spite of how fast my heart is racing, my mind is unsettled.

“But you don't know that,” I reply. “You barely know who I am.”

He says nothing, his movements eerie and unnatural in the dim light of the cavern.

He’s been nothing but kind to you, I think. Don’t lash out. Don’t fight this.

As he studies me, I feel myself peering into him, trying to understand.

He’s here for me, and me alone.

This jet-black mythical being has come to grant my deepest, most obscure wish.

I feel myself fighting as my hand reaches up to him, rubbing over his darkened cheek.

I command my body to stop, but I know what it wants. I know that I’m not moving as part of some deep hypnosis, or some strange aphrodisiac.

This is my will.

My lips move upward toward his mouth, and I feel myself melting into him.

As we mash into each other, I feel myself becoming one with him.

And I feel my humanity falling away from me like a shed skin. As I kiss Xeros, I realize that I’m kissing a monster, one who has the capability to unmake me with a mere thought.

And somehow, that amplifies my passion. I feel myself clutching more desperately to him, digging into his smooth shoulders with my fingernails.

I don’t dare open my eyes to see the world outside. I don’t care about running away, and for a moment, I forget the pain of being ostracized.

Our mouths part and a strand of saliva connects us.

As I stare into his deep blue eyes, I can see eternity. An indiscernible future lingers before me, and it doesn’t scare me in the slightest. I might not understand what this will lead to, but at that moment, I don’t care.

I just know that it’s beautiful and bright.

He grips my shoulder tighter, and I welcome the pain as it shoots downward, cresting down my spine.

16

XEROS

Yesterday, Evangeline presented me with a small gathering of flowers. She wants to decorate our cavern and make it more lively, according to her. And she explained to me that humans like giving each other gifts as a way to show affection.

The Astreldi never had such customs. The fact that she’s trying her best to include me in her traditions intrigues me. And it makes me desire her so much more.

Every day with Evangeline brings me a satisfaction that I’ve never known before. It’s a beautiful feeling. I hunt for her, she cooks for us, and we spend our days together in happiness.

Truly, I’m starting to get the sense that I’ll never want to leave this cavern. Things are perfect the way they are. Why would I ever want this to end?

As I sit and watch her sear meat over the fire, I can’t help but watch in amazement as the flame brightens her eyes and illuminates the delicate features of her face. Eventually, she gazes up to stare at me and she sends me a soft smile.

“What are you doing?” she asks, resting on her haunches.

“Nothing in particular.”

“You’re staring at me as if I’ve done something strange.”

I tend to forget that humans like romance. For the Astreldi, our customs and practices were very straightforward. There was no intricate courting period beforehand. You were attracted to someone or you weren’t, and things fell into place soon afterwards.

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