Page 54 of Last Dance, Second Chance

“I got fed up,” she said simply.

“Fed up with dancing?”

“No, I still loved dancing, but I was worried that if I carried on, it wouldn’t be long before I did fall out of love with it. I was fed up with my muscles always aching, of having to watch everything I ate, of always having to go to bed early. I was never as talented as you. I knew deep down I was never going to be a principal, but I worried that if I spent ten more years trying, I’d miss out on so many other things.”

“And so you think you made the right decision?” asked Jessica.

“Yes,” replied Diana, thoughtfully. “I’ve got some wonderful memories of that life, but it was the right time to leave.” She was silent for a moment before asking, “Why all the questions? Are you thinking about quitting?”

“No,” Jessica said immediately. “Nathan and I — the guy I was staying with — had an argument last night and it’s got me thinking.”

“An argument about what?”

“He thinks I’m getting old.” Jessica grimaced.

“He said that?” Diana’s eyes were wide.

“Well, not exactly,” Jessica admitted. “He pointed out that I may not have many years left of my ballet career, even if my foot does heal properly. He thinks I need a plan for afterwards.”

Diana smiled. “That’s not quite the same as saying you’re getting old, but I don’t imagine it was very nice to hear! I’m guessing you haven’t got a post-dance career planned?”

“Not really... I mean, my company has stuff set up to help dancers to retrain and find employment after they retire, but I haven’t looked into it much. All I’ve ever wanted is to be a professional ballerina.”

“Unfortunately, no ballet dancer can carry on professionally indefinitely,” said Diana. “And it’s hard for people outside of the ballet world to grasp how much it means and how hard it is to make the decision to stop.”

Jessica nodded.

“It sounds like your friend’s a practical person and is trying to look out for you, just not going about it the right way.”

“I guess. I didn’t take it very well.”

“It’s not an easy thing to come to terms with. But it’s a fact of life. You’ve achieved so much in your career, and I’m sure you’ll achieve plenty more, but at some point, it will end, unfortunately, earlier than the majority of jobs.”

“I just don’t know what else I could possibly want to do,” admitted Jessica. “I like helping you teach, but I’m really not sure it’s for me long-term, and what else can I do?”

“I think that’s a problem a lot of dancers have,” said Diana. “They give so much to their dance career that when it ends they’re not necessarily trained for anything else. But you’ve got plenty of time to work out what you’d like to do. You’ve got years of dancing still in you.”

“Thanks, Diana.”

“No problem. And don’t be too hard on Nathan. No one outside the ballet world truly understands what it’s like and how much of yourself you give to it. I believe he was trying to be practical rather than unkind.”

“I think you’re right,” Jessica said. “I’m sorry, but do you mind if I head off? There’s someone I really need to speak to.”

“Of course not, I’ll see you tomorrow,” said Diana kindly.

* * *

Jessica hurried out of the dance studio, almost forgetting her bag in her haste. She had to speak to Nathan. She still thought he could have worded his concerns better, but Diana was right; he was looking out for her. He didn’t understand what it was like to feel the way she did about ballet, but that didn’t mean he was being unkind. She was grateful he cared about her enough to think about these things. And she never should have said the things she’d said to him. She’d been angry and had spoken without thinking. She didn’t know what had happened in his marriage, but she did know that Nathan was kind, loving and trustworthy. It had been horrible to say he’d driven his wife away. And of course she hadn’t meant it.

She considered taking a detour and stopping off at the supermarket to pick something up by way of apology, but she wanted to get to Nathan’s as soon as possible. Maybe she could treat them to a takeaway? She’d need to text her mum and let her know she wouldn’t be home for supper.

Jessica turned the corner into Nathan’s road and immediately noticed that his Land Rover wasn’t parked outside his house. She checked her watch; he should be back from work now. Maybe he’d taken Dennis out for a walk further afield? Should she wait? She could message him, but it didn’t feel right to apologise that way. She needed to do it face to face. Sadly, she turned around and began walking back to her parents’ house, her heart heavy, wishing she’d been able to make things right.

* * *

Jessica was restless for the whole of the following day. She wanted to see Nathan and do her best to make things right with him. It wasn’t only that she felt terrible about what had happened, which she really did, but she was also missing spending time with him. She continually checked her phone to see if he’d messaged. He didn’t seem the sort to hold a grudge, and they usually messaged each other regularly... She’d really hurt him.

She wanted to go and see him before going to the ballet studios, but there was little point as he wouldn’t be home from work yet anyway. She made herself hang on until afterwards, but was disappointed to see his Land Rover still missing from the driveway. She rang the doorbell, just in case, but there was no reply.

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