Page 108 of Never Have I Ever

When the spotlight hits him, he pulls his shirt off three songs in to catcalls and whistles, wearing confidence like a second skin. He doesn’t realize how he affects women with so little effort. They’ll never experience his heart like I have, though. His love runs deep, and his care for me is endless.

Moving across the stage, he kneels in front of me, playing his guitar with those fast-moving fingers. His eyes are set on mine, and he wears a smile that’s gone rogue with naughty intentions. God, I love this man.

Weeks later . . .

“I’m never getting you back to New York, am I?” If I didn’t know my best friend as well as I do, I would think Marina was trying to guilt me. I’m used to recognizing the tactics from my mom.

Marina’s not like that. She’s happy for me, but she’s also grieving because she misses me. I miss her, too.

I recognize the stages she’s going through. I went through them too when she got married. And even though I’m not even engaged, we both know where this is leading to with Laird. It’s only a matter of time from here.

Marina and I grew up together. Spent every day and most nights together over the years. And although our lives have taken different paths, we always had each other when the other needed us most. School, boys, breakups, lost jobs, failed auditions, lost loves, love found again, and now she has a husband and children.

I was so happy for her and sad for me because I felt the shift back then. It’s the one she’s feeling now that I’m finally steady on my own feet, full memories intact, and head over heels in love with Laird. I say, “It’s not looking likely, but I will always be there for you, Marina.”

“I know. Same for you. Always, Poppy.” I hear a little sniffle that I think she tries to muffle before she says, “Tell me about the cookbook.” I’m good with the topic change. It helps ease the sadness I started feeling. I’ve been missing her, but Laird’s been back on the road for a week after I left him in Phoenix, and I feel like a shell of the person I usually am. I’m ghosting our home and sleeping with his pillow for comfort.

I promised myself never to get wrapped up in a man like my mother. Look at me now. She’d be so proud . . .

The difference is Laird. He’s nothing like my father or anyone else she’s dated. The list is too long to even compare.

Marina adds, “What’s the latest with the book deal?”

I spent my twenties doing any job that would hire me in the food industry while attending culinary school. Just touching my thirties, I want to focus on me, my health, my relationships, my love, and although it’s not something we talk about, I want children with Laird. He’s restored my faith in all ways. I can’t wait to see him as a father.

“I haven’t heard back. It’s been weeks, so I think it’s a no.”

“Don’t give up yet,” she says. “Publishing is like the movie industry. It’s a slow-moving juggernaut until something hits, and then it’s a chaotic life.” She knows firsthand how fame strikes like lightning. I suppose Laird does as well, but he makes it easy to forget the outside world when we’re together.

“Not giving up. Just anxious to hear one way or the other.” I’ve been avoiding the topic as much as I can when talking to others because the stress is rough when it comes to my mom’s wedding. I need to release some, so I say, “I leave next Monday for Nashville.”

“Ah.” She knows without me having to spell it out. “Are you sure you don’t want me there? I can help you in the kitchen—”

“No, because she’ll parade you around as her favorite daughter because you’re famous. I don’t want to give her the satisfaction of your presence.”

“I’ll take that as a compliment, Pops.” Her cheerful tone has me smiling. It feels good to let go of some of the sadness I carry from Laird’s absence. “I know it’s been standing between you and the tour. You’re traveling with him right after?”

Seeing the card stuck to the fridge, I’m reminded of what he told me when he gave it to me. “That’s the plan.” I remove the magnet and start for the extra bedroom.

“I need to run, but call me soon!”

“I will.” When we hang up, I start digging through my bins and then open two boxes. I don’t find what I’m looking for until I lift the lid of a hat box. I take the note to the bed and sit on the edge of the mattress. I’ve read the card a million times and have the words memorized, the number of times for the note could easily be doubled. But when I lay them next to each other on the bed, my heart feels so full it could burst.

I love you. L.

What more needs to be said when those three words capture our universe in them?

I study the handwriting, having seen it enough I could copy it by heart. If I had only known the clues were right in front of me all along.

I’m so going to marry that man.

“This is the uniform you ordered for me.”

“You’re confused, Poppy. Why would I order a uniform instead of a dress? You’re my daughter. Everyone knows who you are. You can’t traipse around my wedding and reception looking like . . . like . . .”

Crossing my arms over my chest, I can’t keep my foot from tapping. “Like what, Mom?”

Lowering her voice, she whispers, “Like event staff.”

---