Page 103 of Never Have I Ever

“I’ll be a rebel for you anytime.” I pull the railing up and then slide to lower it. “You always said it’s more fun to break the rules than play by them.”

Sliding toward the other side of the hospital bed, she leaves room for me. It will be a tight squeeze, but we’ll manage. I’ll do anything to be close to her again.

I kick off my shoes and get as comfortable as I can in the space allotted and try to avoid aggravating my injuries. Poppy says, “Lift.”

I chuckle, lifting my arm for her to snuggle against me. Seeing her smile and breathe air not tainted with my sins is good. I know we’ll get into those soon enough, and the knot the doctors couldn’t find on the X-ray will return.

Anchoring her hand between us, she slowly props herself up. “I would have never said what I did if I’d had all the information.” My chest tightens as I stare into her eyes. It’s too dark to pick out my favorite colors, but they’re all my favorites anyway. I hope I get the opportunity to see them in the sunlight. She’s my favorite person ever. Cautious, she slides her hand over my stomach, eliciting the muscles to react to her touch.

All of them.

Yeah, I’m the asshole whose girlfriend gives him a hard-on . . . Wait . . . I’m pretty sure that’s how it’s supposed to work, so my reactions are working just fine.

She leans in and kisses my cheek. “You didn’t betray me. You loved me, Laird. You were loving me so hard to bring back my memories while I was stifling them out of fear. I can see that now.”

“Fear of what?”

Her breath is shortened so she leans back, dropping her head on my shoulder. The pain meds I took hours ago are wearing off, but they never blocked it entirely anyway. It’s excruciating, so I control my breathing, hoping she doesn’t get wind of my pain.

“Fear of what it would tell me, fear of losing you if I found out I had loved someone else.” Her gaze lowers, and her hand stills. Another bated breath is taken and then she looks me in the eyes again. “I would have chosen you—”

“But you don’t have to choose.”

“No. Please. You’re going to try to take the weight of the mistakes I’ve made off me and carry them yourself. That’s what you do. You love so big that it consumes you and me in the process. I’m not thinking clearly when I’m under your spell.”

“You’re not in love with me, or you’re not under my spell, or they’re the same thing?”

“No, that’s what I mean. Please know that I do love you with all my being. I just don’t want you to sweep this away thinking it’s what I need, or to protect me. I need to face this. I need to see things clearly for what they are, and not some charade put on to make sure I never get hurt. It’s okay if I get hurt. It’s okay for us to fight. It’s okay because that’s living, living consciously, and growing.” When she touches my cheek, her soft smile wins my heart all over again. “That’s loving. That’s the relationship I want with you.”

“Something real.”

She nods. “Yes, I want real, even if it’s not pretty.”

“I want that with you as well.”

I don’t think she realizes she’s twisting the fabric of my shirt in her fingers. The importance of her expression—her eyes locked on mine, her forehead tugged together in the middle, and how her leg is putting pressure to leverage against mine—captivates me. She says, “I was trapped in a bubble of my own making since the accident. I tried so desperately early on to find the answers, thinking it would solve all my problems, but I came up empty. After that, I just failed to launch back into life, to move forward until you came along. That’s what you gave me. I didn’t need my past to build a life worth living. I was already in it.”

“You—”

Placing her finger over my mouth, she giggles. “I need you to listen.” Her feelings are as big as our love, her eyes as bright, and I can see hope rising in her smile. “I will choose you every time. In every lifetime. Our past, present, and future. I will never discount the power of destiny again. I’m embracing it. My soul was with you in that car. When you pulled me from the vehicle, my heart was in your hands.”

I cup her jaw and move her closer. “But it was the strength of your love that saved us both in the end.”

“Don’t you see?” she asks, a playful smile tugging at the corners of her lips. “This is only our beginning, babe.”

“How many chances do we get in one life? I fell in love with you twice already. Do we get a third?”

“We’re already in it.”

She leans forward to rest her head against mine. Her hand caresses my cheek, but she doesn’t realize how she’s soothing my soul. “I’ve fallen in love in every iteration of our relationship because I fell in love with you. And I’ll continue to do so.”

Her body shakes gently under a roll of laughter. “I know you want to say something. I’m voting for inappropriate so I can push this guilt I feel aside for a bit. Go ahead and get it off your chest.”

“First,” I start, tapping my fingers on her hip. “You have nothing to feel guilty about because you did nothing wrong. You were doing the best you could with what you knew at the time. Second, I still owe you an apology. I never intended for things to get out of hand like they did. Eventually, I was caught in the web I created and didn’t see a way out.”

Her bottom lip pops out a little. “And there you go being amazing again. How are you so perfect?”

“What can I say? I’m just built this way.”

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