Page 56 of Never Have I Ever

He turns back to me and smirks. “Or sex.”

I roll over and kiss him—gentle at first and then with intention. “Option three.”

“Have you ever been in love, Poppy?”

I take another bite of a cracker and chew because I can’t decide if I tell him the whole truth or just what I know to be true. “No seems accurate when I recall the men in my life, but do you want to hear something preposterous?”

After adding new logs to the fire, he finished an apple and helped me work through two packages of crackers. Then because desperate times call for desperate measures, we eat Froot Loops without milk. “Bring it on.”

I cleanse my palate with water and set the bottle on the coffee table. “I feel like I’ve been in love before. It doesn’t make sense when I think of my bad relationships.”

“What do you mean you feel it?”

“I dream about it as well. I feel cherished in someone’s arms and happy.” I shrug, feeling full and getting tired. “I don’t know how to describe it.”

“Content?”

I nod, glancing at him from the fire. “Safe. I don’t know. It’s how I imagine love to feel like.”

His eyes haven’t left mine, but he comes to sit next to me. “Tell me more. Please.”

“I’ve spoken to doctors, and they tell me to see a therapist. Past trauma from the accident is common.” It’s too late to overthink, so I say, “I feel like my brain is protecting him from the accident even though it couldn’t protect me.”

He strokes my hair, causing me to laugh. “I don’t sound like someone who has their act together, do I? It’s a silly theory, I know.”

Laird’s not laughing like others have. “Besides love, what does it feel like?”

“Like a part of me never woke up.” I unfurl my legs to stand, but he takes hold of my hand. I look at our hands bonded together and then at him. “I guess it didn’t, considering I have amnesia.”

He stands, towering over me. Bringing my hand to his mouth, he kisses it and says, “You’ll remember. I genuinely believe that.” Wrapping me in his arms, he holds me so tightly to him.

I embrace him the same. “The memories are asleep in my heart, and when awakened, I worry I’ll be overwhelmed.”

Kissing the top of my head, he tilts down to meet my eyes again. “Almost like you’ve been in love before.”

“In another life. If I’m lucky, my soul will find its mate again.” I shrug again, too tired for much more effort. “I just have to wait.”

“Maybe you don’t wait. Maybe you just need a key.”

“A key to unlock the past? I prefer that rather than sitting around. How do you suggest I get started?”

“I think you’ll know it when you see it.”

“I like your faith.” I take his hand and pull him around the couch, so ready for bed. “So many things don’t make sense, but this theory does to me. And so does going to bed?”

He throws his arm over my shoulders, and we walk down the hall together. “You trying to get me to bed?”

“Yes,” I say, so sleepy already. “For sleep this time.”

We take off our clothes.

That’s the first mistake.

“How tired are you?” he asks.

The second is climbing in bed.

“So tired. I couldn’t come again if I wanted.”

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