Page 164 of The Mirror of Beasts

“But what about Olwen?” I rasped out. “What about Caitriona, or you, if something horrible were to happen? What about any of the dead around us? Why do I get to make this choice when everyone in this place is suffering too?”

“That’s the chaos demon in your mind speaking,” Neve said. “This is what it comes down to: Do you believe Olwen is still alive, and that we’ll find her?”

“Yes,” I whispered. I didn’t believe much, but deep in my gut, I believed that.

“Do you think Caitriona and I are capable of fighting and protecting ourselves, and the people around us?”

“Yes, but—”

“Do you think Emrys deserves to live?” Neve continued. “Do you think he wanted to?”

I’d stay …

“Yes,” I whispered. “It’s not that simple—”

“It is,” Neve said. “The sorceresses and mages around us came here to fight the Wild Hunt, and they died doing just that. Most have centuries to their names—more years lived than any of us could imagine—and they’ll live on for centuries still. The surviving Sistren and mages have already begun the creation of their Immortalities.”

My nails dug deeper into my palm as I squeezed the coin tighter.

“Is it that you think he wouldn’t want to come back?” Neve asked.

I closed my eyes. “He wanted to be free.”

Free of his father, free of the scars of his past, of his mother’s contract with Madrigal.

He wanted his future.

I could give him that.

I forced my hand open, looking down at the coin again.

It would give him a new body, wouldn’t it? One that was entirely his own … a heart that beat only for himself.

A hint of a sad smile touched Neve’s lips.

“What?” I asked.

“I think Nash wanted you to use it for yourself,” she said. “But that didn’t even occur to you, did it?”

This time, I glared at the coin. “I am not using this for myself.”

“It’s like I tried to tell you,” Neve said. “You’ve never wanted to believe this, but you do have a beautiful heart.”

She reached into her jacket pocket and retrieved a small bone. I almost laughed. It was a bird’s skull she’d found and picked up somewhere along the way, tucking it into her jacket for safekeeping.

“Think about it, all right?” Neve said, stroking her hand down my back. She nodded to the sorceresses pretending to inspect the other bodies below. “My babysitters are looking like they’re getting ready to drag me back to the Council, so I’d better go. Come find me when you’re done, all right? We’ll figure out how to get out of here together.”

I nodded, my throat too tight to speak. As she reached the bottom step, she turned and said, “Tamsin?”

I looked up.

“Do you think we were supposed to find each other?” she asked. “If not in this life, then another?”

I released a long, deep breath. “You’d know better than me.”

Neve sent another small smile my way and then was gone.

In the end, it was a single moment that decided it for me: the look Emrys had worn the moment he realized what was happening. In that last gasp of life, there’d been confusion, pain, and, most of all, fear.

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