Page 145 of Silver in the Bone

The smell of sweet, earthy greens so foreign to this hellscape.

My memory was slow to return, as if it knew it was unwelcome. Tears burned at the corners of my eyes as my gaze fell to my arm.

A thick, shimmering ointment speckled with flecks of dried petals and herbs oozed out around the long leaves used to bandage the gash.

Emrys turned from the fire, letting its smoke drift out through the open doorway. Seeing me stir, he came to sit at my side.

“How are you feeling?” His voice was rough. A cold towel pressed to my cheek, gently wiping something away. My stomach curled at the sight of his worried face.

It’s not worry, came a dark voice in my mind. It’s pity.

“Another favor ... I owe you ... ,” I rasped out.

“Bird, don’t you know I stopped keeping score?” he whispered. “It was never about that.”

He leaned over me, his beautiful eyes still assessing as he brought the towel to my forehead.

“Then ... why?”

“I wanted you to ... I guess I just wanted you to ...” He swallowed hard. “To change your mind about me. Not because of anything I’d done, but because you finally ... Because you saw me. Knew me.”

My heart seemed to rise with my breath.

Emrys pressed a hand to his forehead. “Sorry. I’m not making any sense.”

I looked around again, desperate for anything other than the sight of his all-too-handsome face. “Where ... ?”

“One of the watch outposts, not far from the lake,” he said. “The fire’s still burning above us and I set another one at the door. I had to use both your wards and mine to surround this place. I hope that’s okay. But I’m not sure it’s going to be enough to stop the Children once the light is completely gone.”

A chill found its way into my blood.

“What?” I whispered. “You don’t want to make a bet?”

His mismatched eyes were soft. I wondered if he was as afraid as I suddenly felt. “Not about this.”

Go, I wanted to tell him. Go back to the tower.

But the weaker, worse part of me couldn’t. I hated it—hated it. He deserved to be safe. To stay alive. And yet it was always there, that push and pull. The fear of getting close straining against the fear of being alone.

“You shouldn’t ... have come,” I said, letting my eyes drift shut. “Why ... ?”

“I couldn’t sleep, so I decided to go to the springs. I saw you and Bedivere go into the kitchen, but only Bedivere come back out,” Emrys said. “I was worried something had happened, so I confronted him and made him tell me where you were going. I may have punched him.”

I gave him a look of disbelief.

He held up his bruised knuckles. “I may have also sprained my hand and shattered my remaining pride in the process. And while I wouldn’t dream of lecturing you—”

“Good.”

“But for a very smart person, leaving by yourself to do this was very stupid,” he said. “Really. You wound me, Bird. I thought we did all our clandestine searching together.”

Emrys said it lightly, in his usual way, but there was real strain around his eyes. He was angry—maybe more than that.

“Not. Sorry,” I managed to choke out.

“I know, you absurd human.” Emrys was fading at his edges, splitting into two like the opening of butterfly wings. “Do you want some water?”

“I can ...” Do it.

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