Page 30 of The Spark

At the sound of London Grammar’s first album, my heart lurches.

‘Apologies for the glasses,’ he says, passing me one. ‘They’re only Habitat, I’m afraid.’

I twirl the glass round by its stem, grateful for the distraction. ‘Do you think I’m a snob?’

He smiles a no. ‘I guess I just presumed... you import yours from Italy, or something.’

I smile back at him. ‘Actually, if I did, they’d be from Austria, but that would be a step too far even for me. Anyway, there’s a difference between what I might advise my clients to do, and what I do myself.’

‘Ah, I know that feeling. “Do I agree that your Grade II listed manor-house is crying out for a swimming pool with neon-purple uplighting in the orangery? Absolutely.”’

I sip my wine. I want to get to know him better, and I’m curious about his ex. ‘Tell me about Tabitha,’ I say cautiously, hoping I’m not being too personal.

He doesn’t seem fazed. ‘Well, she was... quite hard to work out, sometimes. Our relationship wasn’t particularly easy.’

‘In what way?’

‘I had trouble pinning down... who she really was. She’s one of those people who thinks that if it’s not online, it didn’t happen. And I guess that all came with a bit of self-absorption. She didn’t really have that much time for me, or my world.’ He smiles faintly. ‘She used to hate it when I talked about work. Which was kind of a problem in the end, because I think about work a lot. I’m not sure we ever really had that much in common, if I’m honest. I kept having to hide more and more of myself from her, just to keep things harmonious, and in the end... I think we were just dating each other’s shadow. Which is why it made it so easy for her to cheat, I guess.’

‘I’m sorry. That all sounds quite stressful.’

‘Ah, don’t get me wrong. There was good stuff too. I was pretty infatuated, at the start. But I guess after we broke up... I knew I wanted to find...’

I wait, breath stalled in my throat.

‘. . . something real.’

He shifts his position, lets his knee fall against mine. The room suddenly seems bigger, almost cavernous. My heart goes into freefall. I am insanely attracted to him – more than I’ve dared to admit to myself until this moment. He is handsome, of course, but I also feel a connection to him I haven’t experienced since Jamie. Mind-altering chemistry, the kind that comes with side effects, withdrawals.

Several simmering, spellbound seconds. One of us has to make the first move.

The music segues into ‘If You Wait’. I lean over and put my lips to his. He responds instantly. And the kiss isn’t shy or tentative, but assured and intense, as if it’s been on both our minds for hours, days, weeks. Ash kisses like there’s something at stake. I haven’t had a kiss like this since Jamie, with a heat that lights up every cell in my body.

After a minute or so, we pull apart. He exhales heavily, keeps his hand at the back of my neck. I take in the bloom of pleasure on his face, the dimples and laughter lines that spring to his skin as he smiles.

I move towards him again, but as I do, I feel something crunch beneath me, and realise I am sitting on a piece of paper.

I pull it out from under me and hand it to him with an apologetic smile, resisting the urge to read what’s on it. ‘Sorry. Hope it’s not important.’

He laughs, then passes it back to me. ‘Actually, I was making a list. Of stuff I should buy for this place.’

I stare down at it, and as I do, the writing starts to blur.

This is Jamie’s handwriting. I’d know it anywhere.

I blink once, twice. The words seem to shuffle and sharpen again.

The handwriting of someone you love... it’s something you’d recognise for ever. You never forget it.

‘You okay?’ Ash asks, reaching out to touch my leg.

I stare down at his hand on the bare skin of my thigh.

How are you doing this?

I swallow, attempt to refocus. ‘Yes. Yes.’

A moment passes. ‘Are you sure? Is this...? I don’t want to make you feel—’

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