Page 65 of The Spark

The rugs, console tables and lamp are the finishing touches: the area has at last been transformed from echoey vault into stylish space. ‘You see,’ he says, swivelling round to survey the end result. ‘I could never have done that.’

I smile. ‘You could. You must pick up ideas when you’re working on projects?’

‘Yeah, but... I can never translate them into what would look good here. I just don’t have the right kind of brain.’

I get what he means. A fair amount of my job involves working with – and sometimes adjusting – architects’ plans, but that doesn’t mean I could do what they do.

‘Well, I love your brain,’ I say.

A couple of moments pass. His expression becomes serious. He sets down his bowl, reaches out and takes my hand. ‘On that note.’

My heart waits, hard.

He clears his throat. ‘What I was trying to tell you earlier was that... I’ve never felt about anyone the way I feel about you, Neve. I’ve never... tracked the days and weeks. I’ve never wanted to spend every spare minute I have with another person. And I know it’s all been a bit of a whirlwind, but... I really think this could go somewhere.’

Or maybe it just feels like a whirlwind, because, actually, we were already there. We already knew and loved each other. We just got to skip to the good bit.

He lets out a breath, then looks me right in the eyes. ‘What I’m trying to say is that I... I’m falling in love with you. I love you, Neve.’

Before he’s even finished speaking, I know I feel the same. Albeit in a more complicated way, but that doesn’t make it any less true. ‘I love you too,’ I say, the words coming easily.

He leans forward to kiss me, like he can’t hold back for one second longer. His skin still carries the scent of chlorine. I can taste lime on his tongue. He moves a hand to the back of my head, gently grasping my hair, which is still softly tangled from the water earlier. The kiss becomes long and full, and after a minute or so, he runs a hand beneath the blue cotton of my dress. I respond, sliding my fingers inside his T-shirt, over the spot of skin where I know his lightning scars to be. The heat of his touch skims my thighs. As I shut my eyes, he dips his head to kiss my collarbone. ‘Jamie,’ I murmur.

Everything freezes. Instantly, the room is gripped by a chill.

Ash pulls sharply away. He stares at me as though I’ve slapped him.

‘I’m sorry,’ I say, knowing even before I speak that no words can make up for what I just did.

He runs a hand through his hair, fighting to regain his stolen breath. ‘Wow,’ he says, eventually, not looking at me.

A few moments pass, stiff and tense and devastating. I have no idea what to say or do next. I can’t understand what just happened. I wasn’t thinking about Jamie, not in that moment. I wasn’t imagining it was Jamie touching me, or Jamie I was kissing.

‘Ash, I honestly don’t know why I said that,’ I whisper, my voice shaking.

His dark eyes regard me. ‘Well, my guess is that you were thinking about your ex-boyfriend Jamie.’

‘I wasn’t. I really wasn’t.’ I put a hand on his arm, but he flinches away. ‘I think I just... He’s been on my mind lately because you do remind me of him—’

He lifts a hand to his face and rubs vigorously. ‘Argh. Why did I just—’ And then he breaks off, and I feel my heart curl up into a ball, because the time between Ash telling me he loved me and me calling him Jamie must have been less than thirty seconds.

What the hell is wrong with me?

He jettisons a breath. ‘Look... I get... that you loved him, Neve. I do. But if you’re saying his name while we’re together, I can’t... I can’t really deal with that. Especially after Tabitha, I—’

‘I know,’ I say, feeling the shame like a punch. ‘I honestly don’t know why I said it.’

He looks at me, long and hard. ‘Far be it from me to psychoanalyse you, but if you genuinely don’t know why you said it, maybe you need to ask someone who does.’

This is what I was scared of. Being seen as crazy. In need of professional help.

‘I wasn’t lying, Ash,’ I whisper. ‘I do love you.’

He nods, but slowly, sceptically. ‘Or maybe I just remind you of someone you used to love.’

The words crash-land in my chest.

‘No,’ I say. Because even though I can’t deny that, I am also sure that if I’d never met Jamie, I would still want all this. I would still have fallen in love with the man in front of me right now. Wouldn’t I?

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