Page 19 of Rev

I take a deep breath, gathering my thoughts. “I didn’t know what I wanted to do when I walked out of your father’s house. In the end, I chose a path that I later decided wasn’t for me. It’s not something I regret doing, because it gave me a sense of purpose for a while.”

She looks at me, her expression a mix of curiosity and concern. “What did you do, Had—Rev?”

I look down at my hands, feeling the weight of my confession. “Before I joined the motorcycle club and found my family with the Royal Bastards… I was in a seminary.”

Harley’s eyes widen in surprise. “A seminary? You were training to be a priest?”

I nod, feeling a mixture of embarrassment and guilt that, after leaving the seminary, I ended up back in a world of violence. “Yes. I was searching for something, trying to find a sense of purpose, a calling. But the experience wasn’t what I thought it would be.”

“What happened?” she asks softly.

I take a deep breath, the memories flooding back. I spent a couple of years in the seminary, trying to absolve myself of my sins. But the religious life didn’t suit me. I may have worn the collar, but it didn’t ensure I was a pious man.

“I thought becoming a priest would give my existence some meaning. That it would help me find a sense of peace. But the more time I spent there, the more restless and conflicted I became. I had too many questions and doubts that no one there could answer.”

Harley’s gaze is steady, her eyes filled with understanding. “So, you left?”

“Yes,” I say, nodding. “I left, but I was still lost. I didn’t know what to do with myself, or where to go. Hades called me one day and said I should come to Belfast. He’d found the club, and he was happy there. I went to see for myself.” I sit in silence, recalling my first meeting with Monster, the President of the Royal Bastards. “At the club, I found the freedom and brotherhood I’d been searching for. Hades was always there for me, but we’d never been part of a real family. It was always us against the world. The club offered us something more. It was the first time I truly felt at home.”

“So, you joined them,” Harley says, her voice a mix of curiosity and sadness.

“I did,” I admit. “At first, it was just about the bikes, the open road, and the sense of adventure. But then it became more. They became my family. My escape from the world.”

Harley looks at me, her eyes filled with a mix of emotions. “You needed an escape from…” I know she wants to know if I meant I wanted to escape her.

“Harley, when I told you I didn’t want us to do anything to jeopardise your future, I meant it. I didn’t think you’d end up running the feckin’ organisation,” I say honestly. “You deserved a life away from the world you grew up in. Violence and all this other shite is not for you.”

She shakes her head. “Hadrian, I always knew you were unhappy working for my da, but this is me. I was born into this life, and I didn’t want to leave.”

She goes silent, and I glance her way to find her looking at me.

“I enjoy what I do, Hadrian, and I love my father. After you left, I needed an escape, so when my da told me I needed to step up and work for him full-time, I agreed. I ended up learning all there is to know about his world and accepted it as my fate.”

I stare at her, my heart aching with regret. “I’m sorry, Harley. For everything. For telling you I didn’t want you. For hurting you.”

Reaching out, she places her hand on mine. “You did what was best for both of us at the time. I understand why you did it, and why you said what you did. I’m all grown up now, Hadrian, and I’m okay. I’m much stronger than the little girl you knew back then. I promise.”

I look down at our joined hands, feeling a sense of relief mixed with sadness. “There’s more I need to tell you. About why I walked out of the house and never looked back. About why I told your father I couldn’t work for him anymore.”

She nods, her gaze filled with anticipation. “Go on.”

I take a deep breath, the words heavy on my tongue. “I didn’t like the violence, but I left because I was scared. I was afraid of what I was feeling for you and the consequences. You were sixteen, and I was twenty-one. It wasn’t right, and I knew it. But it didn’t make it any easier.”

“I know,” she says softly. “And it didn’t stop me from loving you.”

I feel a lump in my throat, her words cutting through me like a knife. “It didn’t stop me falling for you either. But I had to let you go. For your sake.”

She looks at me, her eyes filled with tears. “And for your sake?”

I nod, feeling the weight of my confession. “Yes. At the time, it felt like I’d fecked up with your father because my feelings for you had grown into something more. I had to find myself, to understand what I wanted. I couldn’t do that while trying to hide a relationship with someone who was off limits to me. It wouldn’t have been fair to either of us.”

She squeezes my hand, her touch grounding me. “I understand, Hadrian. But it didn’t make it any less painful.”

“I know,” I say, my voice breaking. “But I’m here now, and I’m trying to make things right. To be honest with you, I want to show you who I really am.”

She looks at me, her eyes filled with a mixture of hope and sadness. “So, what now?”

I take a deep breath, feeling the weight of her question. “I’m not sure. But I do know I want to be a part of your life in whatever way you’ll have me. As a friend, and as someone you can trust.”

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