Page 80 of Motorycle Daddies

43

MEREDITH

“I’ll send the doctor to come check on you in just a little while,” the nurse says. “In the meantime, it’s important not to crowd or overwhelm her. It would be best if you could take a seat over there in those chairs and take it one by one. If she needs rest, it’s best to prioritize that.”

I thank her, because she has been so kind. I’m drained from trying to use my brain, but also want to talk to the people here in the room with me. Some things feel clear, and some things are hard to make sense of. The events that put me in the hospital are fuzzy, and I can’t believe I’d forgotten about the baby. It’d coming back now, all of it, and my hand hovers over my belly protectively. I feel like I’m waking up in a soap opera and I’m the star of the show.

As the nurse walks out of the room, almost everyone resigns themselves to the chairs in the far corner of the room. They’re talking amongst themselves, but the tension is thick. I think I’m in the largest hospital room I’ve ever been in, and I wonder who had to pull some strings to get this kind of setup. The only one who doesn’t budge and stays by my side is Dart.

“Hey, sweetheart,” he says, and he runs his hand through my hair gently. I’m instantly put at ease, and I know that he’ll take care of me through this.

“Hey,” I manage to say. My throat is sore and I’m not sure how much I can talk before completely losing my voice.

“I can’t tell you how happy I am to see your eyes open,” he says. His words are soft, drifting over me like the sweet rhythm of a lullaby. “I was so worried about you. The last thing I want to do is fight about the baby with anybody, or with you. It’s truly a miracle.”

“When we started all of this,” I say, clearing my throat, “I didn’t think I’d be turning anyone into a dad. I’m still in school. None of this makes sense.”

“There’s no alternative, sweetheart. It happened. We all played a part. You think we’d abandon you now? You’ll be able to finish school and take care of the baby, just like Harlow.”

Harlow.

I look across the room at my best friend, but I can’t be sure if I can call her that anymore. I’m sure she’s reeling from the news, but the fact that she’s still in the room with us lets me know she can’t be completely done with us. She could have left by now and never looked back.

I’ve never seen Grizzly so frazzled. Nobody has any clue that I’m far clearer on Grizzly’s part in all of this than I let on with the nurse in the room. How could I ever forget the way that man makes me feel, just like Dart and Trap? But it seemed kinder somehow to give Grizzly an out. If I act like I can’t remember anything that’s happened between us, then he can work on repairing things with Harlow and keep his daughter in his life at least.

As far-fetched as it seems, I thought Harlow could forgive me easier if I’m experiencing head trauma. I thought ignorance might salvage a relationship between us, or between the two of them. I can only hope it was the right choice to give Grizzly the out and that he won’t hate me for it.

“Thank you, it feels really good to hear you say that,” I say, clasping Dart’s hand a bit tighter.

I can’t help but think about that first time I saw him and how drawn I was to him. I think my soul had to have known that this is the kind of compassion and understanding I need in my life. I need someone who will be there for me and prioritize my well-being over anything, unlike my father who only ever thought of himself.

“Do you really not remember Grizzly, though?” he asks. “I mean, are you really that confused about the relationship we have going on here?”

“I think maybe I just need more time to sort it all out…”

I don’t want to give Dart a straight answer. Not until I can see what the dynamics are between Grizzly and Harlow. Their expressions are strained, and my stomach twists up.

“I understand. I’m sure you’ll get there.”

No one looks more concerned though, and even angry, than Trap. He seemed like he was in better spirits a few minutes ago, but now he’s back to looking completely overwhelmed. I wonder if it’s because he doesn’t care about me on the same level as Dart or Grizzly. I have to think he’s mad at himself for ever getting involved in this relationship in the first place.

I feel ashamed for thinking it would probably be best if the baby isn’t biologically his. If his heart isn’t fully into the idea of being a happy family together, he shouldn’t feel obligated.

“I think I should talk to Trap,” I say, looking up into Dart’s eyes.

Dart squeezes my hand a little firmer, and I can’t help but feel he’s bracing himself for having to walk more than a few feet away from me.

“I’ll be okay, I promise. Can you see if he wants to talk, and you and I can talk again soon?”

“Yeah, sure,” he says.

As Dart’s hand leaves mine, I can’t believe how empty my whole being feels, if only for a moment. He walks across the room and gives a nod to Trap as if to summon him to my side of the room. Trap hesitates, looking at the tiled floor for a moment before standing up, brushing himself off, and walking slowly over to my side of the room at the side of the bed.

“You’re pissed,” I say, hoping that by stating the obvious he will very clearly confirm his thoughts on everything that has transpired in the last little while.

“I’m thinking,” he says, not giving me much of anything to work with. “I’m just thinking.”

“I don’t want you to feel like this isn’t a good thing…it’s not like I don’t have my own reservations.”

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