Page 62 of Motorycle Daddies

“No. I’m sure I’m fine. I’m being…safe and monogamous.”

I don’t exactly want to explain the intricacies of my complicated polyamorous relationship to her, but I know that none of my men are seeing anyone else. In fact, they’ve made it clear that they hadn’t been with anyone in a while before me.

“Is there a way I can see how far along I am?” I ask shyly.

She actually cracks a smile. “Yes, we can actually estimate based on the size of the embryo. We can do the ultrasound here in the office today if you’d like.”

Something inside of me leaps at the idea. I never knew for sure if I wanted to be a mother. I figured I’d lose my virginity years before that happened. But now that she’s mentioned seeing the baby, there’s just some instinct inside me that’s excited. And maybe this will tell me everything I need to know from here.

I nod my head, and she goes to get the machine.

When she comes back, she has both the ultrasound machine and a packet of papers.

“Now, I can go over any of this that you want, and even if you think of questions later you can call me. But this packet has everything that you can look over. It has your options, any possible complications, and exactly what to expect every single week of this pregnancy. It’s my job to be your advocate and your partner in this. So never be afraid to ask questions.”

She’s pragmatic, but I like her. I feel a bit more comfortable.

I scan through the packet and see a paragraph about the importance of prenatal vitamins and why I have to take them. I see that depending on which week I’m in, an end to the nausea may be in sight. I skip over the pages about complications because I don’t want to scare myself any further than I already am. I can worry about that later when I know for sure that everyone’s okay with this.

After I look through the papers and ask a few questions, the doctor has me lie back on the table. She spreads a cold gel against my abdomen and begins moving the wand across my belly.

I hear a strange whooshing sound and look at the screen. Sure enough, there’s the small form of what will soon be another human being.

She makes some clicks and a few different things pop up on the screen. I’m assuming she’s doing the measuring thing she said she could do. She’s quiet for a little bit, and then she turns to me with a smile and starts educating me on all the things that I can’t see in the image, all the different parts and what they mean.

“You’re measuring at about eleven weeks. Maybe a couple of days before that. You have a little bit of time in case you need to make any decisions about this. But now that your first trimester is actually almost over, you might start feeling a little bit better soon.”

I stare at the image in shock. I’ve been like this for eleven weeks and haven’t known. That means I’ve been pregnant most of the time I’ve been with these guys. How did I not know?

I find myself tearing up for no reason. Damn these hormones. It’s not just in the movies I guess.

I thank the doctor and get dressed, knowing that in the next few days, I’m going to have to have some very interesting conversations. But for now, I know that I need to focus on studying to retake this exam, and just getting used to the idea that I’m carrying a little person inside me. Once I feel confident and can wrap my head around my new normal, then I can sit down with the guys. We’ll have an honest conversation, and I can worry about the rest then.

Including Harlow.

34

MEREDITH

Three days after the appointment, I’m losing it. I have a secret pocket in my purse where I’m keeping the sonogram photo. I keep looking at it, hoping the answer will be there. Unfortunately, it doesn’t come to me.

I’m staying at the clubhouse for winter break, so I should have lots of opportunities, but still I never find the right moment to say anything. Grizzly’s busy again, and every moment with Trap and Dart seems precious. I don’t want to ruin it. Not to mention, even though the it’s been a while since they’ve worn me out with a marathon sex session, the exhaustion is overwhelming. They’re starting to worry about me.

Overwhelmed and with no room or space to think by myself, I know that I have to tell someone. I need advice on this. Normally, I would go to Harlow. But even if I was ready to tell her, she wouldn’t be able to give any neutral advice about this. She’d be freaking out about all of the secrets that would be spilling out of my mouth. I need to go to a neutral party.

The problem is, I need privacy. Where am I going to get that?

I call Addy, and tell her that it’s crucial we talk. I tell her we need to talk alone and that I have something I need help with that I need to confess. That I’m finally going to spill the beans. She seems skeptical and excited at the same time.

She does always love gossip, but I don’t think she realizes the depths of my betrayal here. She probably thinks I’ve got something juicy to tell her. Juicy has nothing to do with this at this point.

I go downstairs, looking confident and ready to leave. Addy is coming to pick me up, and we’re going to go to a public place. A café or something. Somewhere it’s unlikely that we’ll be attacked. That way I’ll get the privacy I need.

But the minute Trap sees me and stops me before I get to the door, I feel like it’s never going to happen.

“I need a girls’ day out. I need some space. I know you won’t understand this, but please know I’ll only be gone for a couple of hours. I’ll be perfectly safe. I’ll text you when we get there and when we leave.”

Trap puts his hand on my chin and then pulls me in for a kiss. “Fine. I’ll let you go this one time, but you owe me.” He winks at me, lust in his gaze. “I’m going to have to cover for you, and my ass is going to get beat for letting you go. You best keep your bargain.”

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