Page 17 of Group Studies

Ashe steadied me, his free hand ready to draw a rune of healing.

“I stood up too fast,” I said, clinging to him, unwilling to admit I didn’t know what I wanted. I scrubbed my eyes, tears dampening my cheeks again. Like my magic, even my emotions were getting more volatile every day. “I’m gonna go.”

“Not if it’s to call Saffron, you’re not,” Ashe said. “I don’t know what the fuck the two of you have going on, I don’t need to know, but he’s jacked up right now.” He squeezed my arm. “Look. I’ll drop everything we talked about, for now. Do you want to go to the library or back to your dorm?”

“I don’t know,” I said miserably. I wanted Beryl to hold me. I wanted to let Saffron fuck my brains out without being his secret. I wanted Professor Garnet’s understanding arms around me. And I wanted to let Ashe kiss me. But the minute I did, he’d get pulled into my shit, and I’d probably screw up our friendship. “I can find my dorm on my own.”

Ashe shook his head and walked with me anyway.

As we got back into the dimly lit halls, his magical light vanished, and he wrapped an arm around my waist. I didn’t move away, but I didn’t mold myself to his side either.

Our walk back to my dorm was uncomfortably silent. He watched me open the door and exchanged a look with Roisin before wishing me a good night.

I rushed into my Shell without looking at anyone. I didn’t turn on the lights, just let the darkness surround me. My spinning thoughts ran circles until I managed to focus.

Ashe liked me. I turned Saffron down. I offered up one of my dragon scales. Good or bad, those three things gave me control over my life.

I found my stuffed turtle by feel. With him pressed up against my stomach, I couldn’t stop myself from messaging Beryl.

A: I miss having someone I trust.

Chapter 5

The following morning, my stomach rolled unhappily. I rushed to the washroom and made it to the toilet before expelling what was left of dinner the same way it went in. Once I was sure I was done puking, I efficiently wiped my mouth and got on with my day.

This was becoming my new routine. Though, this morning it surprised me. I thought giving Saffron a chunk of magic would relieve the pressure my magic put on my system. It did not.

Having learned from experience breakfast wouldn’t stay down either, I made my queasy way to the library. I held my breath as I passed two MA officers. They didn’t even glance at me as they continued on their patrol.

Last night, I was so caught up in my conversation with Ashe I didn’t pick up on something important he said. Saffron was the sole heir to the Gibson family, and for some reason, that meant he and I couldn’t be together.

I understood Professor Garnet couldn’t give me special treatment, especially now with the MA breathing down everyone’s necks. Beryl still insisted on protecting me from whatever empire he’d built. And I refused to pull Ashe into my mess. But maybe if I understood Saffron better, it would help.

When I told Saffron I couldn’t have kids, he’d been visibly upset. Yesterday he opened up to me about how important family was to him and I’d not even reacted. The concepts of lineage and family trees were so foreign to me. I didn’t know where to start.

Fortunately, the librarian on duty had some ideas. He directed me to a chapter out of my history book referencing one of the few websites we could access on our phones. I read the pages twice.

Rimmed Mages were created out of the magical fallout and couldn’t trace their magical lineage. However, Natural Mages were the opposite. Some of them traced their heritage back to Merlin and a list of magical names I didn’t recognize. Damon explained the basics of this to me, but other than the occasional complaint about natural mages being hard to work with, I didn’t have any experiences to put it into context.

I didn’t understand how this information helped me with Saffron; the yellow rimmed not Natural Mage. I took out my phone and took a picture of the page before adding it to my list of things needing further study.

My eyes spun, looking at the long list. I leaned back, fighting an overwhelming feeling of helplessness. Half of me wanted to bring Damon back from the dead so I could murder him myself, and the other half wanted the comfort of my old life. I’d known everything, including who loved me. Or so I thought.

“Morning, Kitten,” Ashe said, pulling me out of my little pity party.

I blushed, remembering last night, but Ashe acted like he said he would. We studied quietly together until the first foghorn of doom. After walking me to class, he gave me an awkward pat on the shoulder. I rubbed the spot he touched as he raced down the hall to start his morning of intermediate magic courses.

As the horn blared, I pushed open the door and hurried to my usual spot on Derek’s left. Ashe and I didn’t have any morning classes together, but Derek always made me smile.

My questions about lineage circled in my thoughts throughout the morning.

Finally, during a lull in history class, I turned to Derek. “I’m trying to understand the lineage of natural mages.” I showed him my phone. “I found this family tree. It’s a mess.”

Derek yawned and winced slightly as it pulled on his injuries. “Did you get an extra assignment or something?”

“No.” I bit my lower lip. “I’m trying to understand something Ashe said.” I lowered my voice and leaned over, so I was right next to Derek’s freckled face. “About family lineage and Saffron.”

Derek rolled his eyes. “Right, Saffron.”

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