Page 79 of Group Studies

It’s my classroom.

I waved back, before curling up in a spot where I could see him.

Aphy, we live in a world full of diverse people with thousands of different beliefs. From magical to mundane, from deeply religious to atheist. The students here tend to band together because it’s them versus the administration, but the split between Rimmed Mages and Natural Mages almost destroyed the world. People getting better means people learning to exist under the code of rules which works for the majority. So we can all live in harmony.

I wrinkled my nose. “I’m not fitting into those rules.”

Professor Garnet’s sigh sounded like a gust of wind in my head. You’re not. But you need to. You don’t need to go through what I did.

My heart sank, thinking of him being passed around while the world tried to fix something that wasn’t broken. I reached towards his blurry shape in my window. “I wish I could be in your arms right now.”

I’d squeeze you tight.

Professor Garnet curled up against his window. I wrote a letter to my twin. After talking to you about family, I got a response back.

“That’s good, right?” I asked, hopefully.

Maybe. It wasn’t his fault but after all this time….I’m still angry at all of them. I don’t want to be, but I can’t stop it. He got all my letters. They’re all piled up with the ones he wrote to me, marked return to sender. Our parents told him they’d sent me to boarding school abroad and I’d made a life there.

I chewed on my bottom lip. “It’s pretty close to the truth, now at least.”

Scarily, considering I don’t think they have any idea. Or maybe they do. I don’t know what's worse, that they lost track of me or knew the entire time.

My stomach twisted; his insecurity matched mine too well. “I think knowing is worse,” I whispered. “At least knowing now is worse.”

Aphy… Professor Garnet trailed off.

“I fell for Ashe,” I blurted, desperate not to think of my past. “And, it turns out, he was the officer who shot me.” I pulled my knees into my chest and put my hands over my head. “And what's worse, I still want him. An MA officer who lied to me. What’s wrong with me?”

We can’t control what our heart wants. The professor said reassuringly. I can’t speak for Ashe. He took a deep breath. I don’t like what Officer Keres is forcing you to do. But, he’s keeping you safe. He has the authority to help us, he’s already using it so you can explore your new magic.

I pulled my hair in frustration.

He can create a world for you, where all I can do is help you fit into the one I know. I’m his man as long as he’s on your side.

I released my head and bit my lips together. Professor Garnet wasn’t betraying me, he was asking me to see the benefits of Officer Keres hypocrisy.

I frowned and wrung my hands together. Did that make it right though?

You didn’t start this, Aphy. He continued lightly. The problems at The Institute are systemic in our society. You, me, Ashe, all of us are caught up in the politics which have been running the world for hundreds of years. And will continue to run the world. All we can do is carve out a life as best we can. I need you to understand.

I found my stuffed turtle and pressed him into my abdomen, feeling very small. “I do. I think.”

He pressed his hand against his window. I rubbed my chest, wishing I could feel his heartbeat.

Now, pretend my arms are wrapped around you and tell me everything. Is Ashe still treating you well? You seemed pretty okay with his attention in the shower.

“That was before…” I trailed off, heat burning my face.

I lay back on the bed. Fear, doubt, and joy spilled out of my mouth. Ashe’s betrayal. How much I missed Beryl. What I’d said to Saffron and Ashe tonight. I don’t know how long we talked, but I needed it more than sex, more than my magic’s drive to complete my transfer.

I’d never opened up to someone like this. Maybe it was because he shared first, or my empty tower felt safe, whatever the reason, I just talked. No guilt ate at me for bothering the professor with my problems. He listened, occasionally telling me to follow my heart and to stop feeling bad about feeling. When I started talking about the other guys, he asked for details, not even a hint of jealousy in his mind voice. He even said he was looking forward to getting to know all of them better.

I wiped a tear out of my eye. An unexpected laugh fell out of my mouth. “I feel lighter, like none of this is as big a deal as I thought it was.”

Because you’re sharing. I couldn’t see the professor’s smile, but I could hear it in his voice. Do you remember your first class with me, when you wouldn’t even tell me your name?

“I do.” I bit my lower lip. “This is okay, right?”

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