Page 75 of Self Studies

“A woman of few words,” Gabe pointed out, not for the first time. “Good thing I can talk for the both of us.”

He lined up a little vaguely gun-shaped object with my earlobe. I stiffened but watched the metal earring go through cartilage. Pain shot through my ear and down my neck, leaving a mild ache Gabe promised would go away soon. He gave me directions on caring for my new piercing before fussing over my hair once more and declaring me fabulous.

Flushing, I stood and pulled on my hoodie.

I hadn’t noticed Beryl lounging in the doorway, but when I caught a glimpse of him, my heart fluttered. Calming it, I looked at him suspiciously. “I thought you said you were busy today.”

“I am busy, today and every day, after this,” Beryl answered. “But I needed to see you were okay, especially when you didn’t answer my last text.”

“I turned off my phone,” I admitted. “I kept getting texts.”

Gabe snapped again. “They were raving mad. Don’t forget to let everyone know who fixed your hair, girl! I had to unravel three spells that had sunk into your roots.”

I thanked Gabe before moving to Beryl’s side. My heart fell when he didn’t wrap his arm around my waist. We started walking at my pace.

Beryl cleared his throat. “Why didn’t you message me about your hair?”

I frowned, checking one of the possible people who paid for my hair off my list.

“Why did you turn away from me at breakfast?” I shot back.

“Touché. Because I’m dumping your ass, Dot,” Beryl bumped me with his hips. “I tried to do it nicely in the fairies’ office, but you needed a hint.”

I wrinkled my nose, and my heart squeezed painfully.

“I’m undumpable,” I said to cover up my hurt.

Beryl gave me a grin. “You grew some backbone during your nap. Or maybe it’s the new punk rock look.”

I smiled. “Don’t change the subject. I’m not abandoning you like your family did, and I’m not dying like your old harem.”

Beryl sucked in a breath, his shoulders tight. “Can we focus on you right now, please?”

I looked past Beryl and out one of the large gothic windows. The dirt of the ground slowly bled into the vast Alaskan tundra before ending at the discolored shield keeping us all in here.

Using what little bodyweight I possessed, I tried to push him toward the window. Just like the first time we met, he let me. “Kiss me.”

Beryl gave me a sad smile. He cupped my face with his hands and placed a delicate kiss on my forehead. “Dot. Before I met you, I didn’t realize I could care for another person this much, this fast. I’d forgotten I could feel at all. You asked me why I’m bad news. It’s because I am. I realized too young how fucked up this place is. Instead of trying to get out, I made myself a kingdom.”

He dropped his hand and rested his forehead on mine. “You said you think the world of me.” He swallowed. “But you shouldn’t. I’ve not killed students, but my hands aren't clean.” He straightened and looked at me with flat eyes. “Students die every day. Some are executed. Some die during the Aptitudes. Even if they live, some kill themselves afterward. Two took their own lives yesterday. Students even go missing; they vanish as if they never existed. I’ve been watching it happen since I was five.”

My heart broke.

“It’s the way it works here,” he said harshly. “I’m playing the same game everyone else is, only with a different goal. A goal which will hurt you in the end.”

Even if it was true, I didn’t want to believe it. I took a deep breath and leaned against the windowsill. “Don’t push me away. Beryl, you told me not to let the Institute win.”

Beryl wrapped me in his arms. “I have to Dot. Boy Scout’s an arse, but he’s right. Especially after the power you showed during your Aptitudes…God. You’re like no one I’ve ever met. You really are a Goddess. Brave, thoughtful, and wicked smart. All wrapped up in a hot as fuck package.” He squeezed me. “Maybe if I’d done things differently, but I didn’t. I’m trapped. I will not trap you here with me. You’ll find someone or several someones who will get you out.” A shadow crossed his face. “All I do is drag the people around me down.”

I vehemently shook my head.

Beryl kissed my forehead again before pulling me toward my dorm. I opened my mouth a few times to speak, but I didn’t know what to say.

He’d trapped himself. I couldn’t fix it.

The door to my room was suddenly in front of us. I wasn’t ready for him to go. “Do you want to come in?”

Beryl shook his head. “You know I can’t. This is it, for realzies this time. See you around, my Goddess.”

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