Page 6 of Self Studies

I focused on the pink-slip:

Notification of Status

To facilitate your re-education, you must abide by the institute's rules. Any deviation will result in immediate termination. Final wishes can be registered with your advisor using form D-42.

The list of rules reiterated what Advisor Crowe already told me. No second chances. If I failed a class or even missed a single lecture, the MA would kill me. I was on death row.

My schedule blurred in my hands.

Let them kill me. Damon was waiting for me in the afterlife.

The fog inside my mind churned as the out-of-place joy I'd felt earlier mixed with a new feeling; curiosity—something I'd never been allowed to feel before. As much as I loved Damon, I wasn’t ready to die.

I shivered. The sweat covering my body cooled fast, leaving behind a sticky layer. A quick sniff of my armpits made me wrinkle my nose in distaste. Stumbling slightly, I pushed my way into the washroom.

Two women paused in their pampering. Their piercing gaze followed my every move through a long mirror above the row of sinks. I quickly scuttled away from them and toward a row of shower stalls along a back wall. Their low voices made my heart race. I drew a thin plastic cloth across the long narrow opening and stripped. Sliding my clothing onto little round hooks at the back, I stepped forward into the spray. A dispenser bolted to the wall held soap and shampoo.

I scrubbed for a long time, though it got rid of the dirt, I still didn’t feel clean. After turning the nozzle the wrong way and dousing myself in cold water, I managed to turn the water off.

“Jesus, really?” A young woman’s voice said.

“Keep your voice down,” the other girl responded, quieter. “She might hear you. Actually, you’re done, right? Let’s head to the cafeteria for dinner. When does your work duty start?”

I squeezed my eyes shut and blocked out their chatter as they left the washroom.

Damon had given me plenty of reading material about the cruelty of others, especially kids. Though no longer considered a kid, even my poor people skills hadn’t missed the looks I got in the halls.

I shivered.

Lacking a towel, I dried myself as best I could with my hands and wrung out my long hair. With nothing else to wear, piece by piece, Damon’s choice outfit went back on. Although I’d never felt uncomfortable in it before, I had to force myself to finish clicking the hardware into place.

Three new faces turned toward me when I re-entered my dorm. They looked to be about my age, just on the cusp of twenty. They lounged easily, books opened, on the fairy-lit bed in the far corner. A beautiful red-headed woman raised her eyebrow and picked up her phone. The sound of a picture-snapping filled the space.

“Oh my god,” one of the girls said dramatically. “The new slut’s one of your roommates?”

My gaze zeroed in on my bed and the swipe card still on it. I couldn’t deal with this on top of everything else. Folding the paper around the swipe card, I tucked both into my corset and fled the room.

The stone halls went by in a blur as I sprinted toward an open doorway. I kept waiting for someone to stop me, but no one did. I charged into the bright sun and that odd joy pulled at me again.

I didn’t see the person until I collided with them. A deep grunt accompanied the flying of papers as we went down in a pile of limbs.

“Watch where you’re fucking…” a man’s voice started to yell and then trailed off. “Hey, you okay?”

My skin tingled pleasantly where it touched his. The contact burned away a layer of fog. I started shaking. A dizzying cocktail of charged emotions pulled me violently in every direction. Love and hate twisted into the hole that housed my broken heart. I untangled myself and scooted away as quickly as possible.

This man was not my master. My age at most, I tried not to stare at his smooth dark complexion and full lips. Black curled hair fell across vivid blue eyes rimmed with sparkling sapphire. He stretched his back, and my gaze moved down to his built chest. The buttons on his uniform strained to stay closed over his bulk.

Embarrassment and something I couldn’t identify joined the emotions threatening to burst through the haze.

He leaned forward, a soft expression on his face. The sympathy in his deep gaze destroyed me. I bolted to standing and raced away from him. Desperate to outrun my own storm.

My ragged breathing drowned out the sound of my flight. Dwarf shrubs, thick patches of sedges, and tall grasses reached for my ankles and tried to tear my slippers from my feet. Far ahead of me, more miles than I could run, loomed a snow-capped mountain range. The glint of light green lichens growing on a larger rock caught my eye. I awkwardly hopped over its knee-high height.

It didn’t take long to reach the barrier Advisor Crowe had warned me about. Completely invisible, I hit it hard.

This had to be what moving through a bowl of gelatin felt like.

The surface tension of the unnatural wall washed over me, instantly slowing my momentum. I struggled forward a few more steps until I could go no further. Although I tried to take a breath, no air filled my lungs. I threw myself backward until the invisible wall’s deadly embrace released me.

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