Page 47 of Self Studies

Beryl gritted his teeth, his expression falling. He stood and faced Saffron. “You can’t tell me what to do, Boy Scout. You don’t even understand what’s going on.”

With Beryl distracted, I grabbed my phone and shrugged into the straps of my too-heavy bookbag. Swallowing a grunt, I hefted it onto my back and leaned forward to counterbalance the weight. A small circle of students started to form around Saffron and Beryl as the two eyed each other. Whatever their history, I didn’t want to be in the middle.

Maybe a lifetime of living for someone else brought out the fierce need for independence blooming in my chest.

Even if he fixed everything, I suddenly knew I’d never join Ram’s harem, or anyone's for that matter. No matter what my instincts told me, I refused to get lost in another person ever again.

Who was I alone? I didn’t want to be the woman on Mêler. Or the girl who cried every time Beryl put his arms around me.

The Institute judged me before I even set foot in the building. Even my advisor influenced how the world saw me. But I still didn’t feel like I knew a thing about myself. Who was Aphrodite?

* * *

My Psychology of Choice class had already started by the time Saffron caught up to me. I still stood awkwardly in front of the class when he burst through the door. He passed my paperwork to Doctor Roy before scowling at me and marching back out.

Doctor Roy didn’t bother with an introduction. He let me slip into a seat near the door and flipped on a projector before picking up his lecture.

Unlike my morning classes, most of my fellow students looked my age. The Dealership sat across the room, glaring daggers at me. I didn’t acknowledge them. It felt like everyone was looking at me, but I couldn’t tell if that was because of Mêler. I focused on Doctor Roy, trying not to think about what I couldn’t control.

My overly excitable psychiatrist’s hands moved with every word. It didn’t take me long to figure out we were in the middle of a unit on moral dilemmas. Each class would pick apart a different one.

I would’ve loved it, but I couldn’t focus. The images from Mêler spun in my brain. Despite telling myself over and over that it didn’t matter, it did. The class dragged on, and my skin started to crawl. I couldn’t shake the feeling of eyes on me. A chair creaked at my back, making me jerk in surprise. The light of someone’s phone caught the corner of my vision a the walls closed in around me.

A trickle of sweat ran between my shoulder blades, and I used my sleeve to mop my forehead. Although I didn’t want to, I peeled off my hoodie. Prickles of static shockeded me, making my hair stand on end. Something grabbed my leg, and I yelped, shooting out of my seat.

“Aphrodite, what are you doing?” Doctor Roy asked.

I took deep breaths, glancing down at my normal leg. The walls suddenly didn’t seem to close anymore. The sound of phones taking pictures replaced my answer. A few students laughed while others looked at me skeptically.

Doctor Roy stomped his foot. “Childish behavior!” The class quieted, though giggles and whispers lingered. “Remember what it was like when you first arrived and attempt to put yourself in Aphrodite’s shoes instead of pestering her. I might not be able to sense when you’re using magic, but if I catch any of your funny hand motions, I will remove you from class.”

Embarrassed, I sat back down and hissed as the seat’s metal burned the back of my legs.

The young man next to me grinned. “I can cool that seat down for you, give you some relief from the heat. For a price.”

My memories mixed with the present and the steel of the woman’s knife slid into my mouth. I started panting and pushed the memory away. The slightly greasy, black-haired mage in front of me didn’t sound anything like the gruff voice of my attacker.

The heat of the chair blazed. I took a measured breath and forced myself not to panic. There had to be a simple solution. If the chair was too hot, I needed to sit elsewhere.

I slid out of my seat and dragged my bag to a spot where I could rest against the wall—the air cooling with every step. If Doctor Roy noticed, he didn’t comment or get involved. He couldn’t. Why was there a non-magical teacher here?

I chewed on my bottom lip.

Actually, thinking about it, who would choose to teach here? Professor Garnet said everyone lived on site, under at least some of the same limitations. How did anyone get in and out of such a remote location anyway? I’d seen nothing but tundra on my walk that very first day.

Eventually, I cooled enough to slip my hoodie back on and focus on the lecture.

When the foghorn blared, almost every student gestured. Interdimensional pockets opened, filling with supplies. With my new books for this class adding more weight to my bag, I couldn’t lift it. At least, not off the floor. I half expected the cloth to rip as I dragged it behind me.

Not that he had to look hard, but Saffron spied me as I made my way back into the hall. He narrowed his eyes at my bag before wordlessly moving to my side and slowing to match my pace.

Moments later, Mercedes’s giggle came up on his other side. “Where’s your little pet off to next?”

I kept my gaze on the floor.

“Advanced Metaphysics,” Saffron answered.

“With you?” Mercedes exclaimed. “Didn’t she start her day in Practical Magic Application? Like, the class that teaches kids one plus one equals two?”

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