Page 34 of Self Studies

At least I hadn’t known what Damon kept from me.

My gut still twisted uneasily at the thought. Was it better to know and not be able to do something or live in ignorant bliss?

“Aphy, you’ll be ok,” Saffron said softly, pulling me out of my thoughts. “Student’s behave here. We don’t have a choice. They take away rations, or if someone does something bad enough, they execute them. It’s that simple.”

I swallowed, Saffron’s words not comforting me at all. He jerked his head toward the empty table far away from him again.

Despite our intimacy last night, Saffron didn’t want to be seen with me. It hurt, but I respected his wishes. I made my way to the corner table he’d pointed out. Saffron went the opposite direction and joined a group of young men around our age at one of the bigger tables. They gave each other half-hearted morning fist bumps.

I took a deep breath and turned away from Saffron. Jealousy tried to rear its ugly head, but I distracted it with food.

After inhaling everything on the plate, I patted my uncomfortably full stomach happily and sighed. The sound of someone taking a picture reminded me I had a phone now. I slipped it out of the side pocket. Never having had one of my own, I wasn’t sure what to do with it. Damon had let me use his to place orders. But he’d always given it to me with whatever he expected me to use already on the screen.

Studying the phone, I turned it over in my hands. I identified a hole in the bottom and a few buttons on the side. It looked like a miniature version of the apartment’s tablet. After a moment, I found a piece on the bottom that slid to the side. A wispy thin cable came out. I eyed the connector on the end of it and slid my hand down my hip, feeling for my socket.

“Aphrodite?” Derek’s voice cracked as he said my name. He hesitantly approached my table.

I released the cable, and it coiled back into the slot. “Derek,” I said brightly. The kid lit up as I gestured across from me. “Thank you so much for helping me yesterday. You were fearless. I wanted to find you today. You didn’t get in trouble, did you?”

“Alchemist Blickenstaff wasn’t happy,” Derek set down his tray but didn’t sit. “But, no. Do you really think I was brave?”

I nodded. “I do.”

“Are you sure it’s okay if I sit with you?” Derek asked, shifting from foot to foot.

I pulled on my braid. “Ah, well, if it won’t mess up your Aptitudes, whatever those are.”

Derek hesitated once more before nodding. “I’ve only been here for a few months.” He perched on the edge of the chair. “I’m not sure if they have a reading on me yet.”

I leaned forward with interest. “Aptitudes are a reading?”

Derek flushed slightly and leaned forward. “It’s a very broad term for a lot of things, only a few we know.” He looked around as if worried someone might overhear him. I strained to hear the rest of his explanation. “The staff either don’t know the rules or are in on them. I can’t tell, but their goal seems to be to stress us out until we snap or do something to lower our score, or however they track our rehabilitation.” Derek used air quotes as he said the word rehabilitation. “But I’ve decided to think of it as a score. Doing different things gives you a different number of points. You need a score of one hundred to get out of here.”

“Why a hundred?” I asked, trying to wrap my head around it.

Derek leaned back and bounced, his face lighting up. His voice went back to its usual tone. “Because it’s an easy number to keep track of. I don’t think it works exactly like this, but at least it gives me something to focus on. Why’s your phone off?”

I wrinkled my nose. “Honestly, because I couldn’t figure out how to turn it on.”

I hadn’t even finished answering him before the kid had my phone in his hands. The screen lit up, and he moved into the seat right next to me. “Let me show you how to use it. Fair is fair; you taught me how to prepare water in Alchemy.”

My posture relaxed as his words warmed my heart.

Although I think I mumbled something along the lines of thank you, Derek didn’t respond. Instead, he powered the phone back off to show me what he did to turn it on. I caught on quickly. The black box functioned much more straightforward than it first appeared. He sent me a smiley face emoji text before showing me how to add contacts.

“Everything’s connected through Mêler,” Derek explained. “Though there’s no private chat system, it’s only public sharing. Hence, you still need to exchange phone numbers.” He glanced at my gem. “Your advisor should have set up your accounts. Everything’s on a closed network. We have some internet access, but nothing goes out of the shield around the Institute.” Derek smiled. “Back in the real world, everyone has a phone. My mom always said it was just as much of a right as breathing these days.” His face fell.

I wanted to reach out and hold his hand but held back.

“I heard there’s a way to talk to family - even though this place cuts you off,” He frowned. “But it involves talking to someone who I’m pretty sure gives negative points, so I’ve not really looked into it.”

“Do you miss your family?” I asked.

He started to tear up. “I do, a lot.”

I badly wanted to hug my new friend, but he shook off his tears before they could come and forced a smile onto his face.

“Mêler’s the Institute’s version of social media,” he began talking fast and showing me an icon on the phone. “I’m still unsure how much of it is part of our Aptitudes, but our responses to it are most definitely recorded. The camera that’s built into your phone can turn on and film you with or without your permission; they could be watching us right now.” He sounded both frightened and excited at the same time. “We’re always on camera, anyway.”

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