Page 2 of Self Studies

He’d kept me isolated because I was special. I was his and his alone. No one else should even see me.

And now this woman was talking to me.

I trembled.

My master’s deathly still body appeared in my vision. Even squeezing my eyes shut, I couldn’t escape the memory of the life leaving him.

It couldn’t be true.

I pressed my hand against my chest. Something was horribly wrong. My breaths came out in short gasps, and the hole in my heart throbbed.

Pulling my heels toward me, I curled into my favorite meditative pose. I closed my eyes and pushed Norah from my view. My breaths came out in measured beats. He wasn’t gone. This strange place was trying to trick me. I needed to stay strong, and he would come for me.

‘The world outside wants to hurt you. They will take you and try to confuse you. Only I love you. Only I know how to take care of you. I am your world. You will die without me.’ My master’s warning filled my mind, and I took heart in it.

‘Control.’

My next breath released slowly. Calmness that couldn’t possibly exist in reality wrapped me in a blanket of comfort, blocking out the chaotic input of life as I slipped into my mage-trance. I reveled in how easily it came, but once my storm of emotions stilled, so did my heart. My master’s orders didn’t come. I existed in the state to serve. Without him, I was purposeless.

“Do you want to tell me your name?” Norah’s question pulled me back into reality.

My name didn’t matter. Only how I could serve.

“Where’s my master? Where’s Damon?” I hated the tremor in my voice.

I opened my eyes as Norah’s caring face fell. She shook her head.

Despite my efforts to bury the truth, the memory of his bleeding body flashed in front of me.

Tears streamed down my cheeks, and I buried myself back under the flimsy blanket. My gut wrenched, and fog filled my head, shrouding my thoughts. I felt like I was watching myself: a life I had no stake in.

I didn’t die with him.

Sudden panic made my heart race. I could still be with him. I cast about, suddenly desperate for something I could use to kill myself. But the small space was empty of sharp objects and tools of self-destruction.

Even if I got my hands on something, I couldn’t do it.

Guilt replaced my panic. I wanted to live.

I barely reacted when the curtains surrounding my bed burst open, revealing a short, stocky man in a brown suit. He quickly shut the layers of blue behind him, keeping my world small.

He turned to Norah. “I was to be made aware the moment she regained consciousness, and yet I find you already here, gabbing.” The man’s voice was harsh, almost guttural. His sharp hand motions added weight to his words.

I scrubbed my cheeks before pressing my palms together.

The man barely came up to Norah’s chest yet still managed to look down his nose at the world around him. A neatly trimmed beard and mustache matched the thick salt and pepper crew cut covering his head. Frameless glasses perched on his nose, magnifying the vivid pastel purple that rimmed his irises. He looked nothing like my master.

Norah bristled. “She’s not been awake long. I was only trying to make her feel more at ease.”

“Your efforts are not necessary.” His sharp gaze trained on me. “Girl, do you need help dressing?”

I froze. He seemed to look through my thin gown. I pulled the blankets farther over me.

“Advisor Crowe, she’s still in shock!” Norah said angrily, stepping between us. The knots in my stomach slightly eased. “She’s not been cleared to leave the medical wing.”

The man pulled a tablet out from under his arm. I glimpsed my master’s name neatly typed across the top before it moved out of my view. He handed it to Norah, and the moment she took it, he stepped to the side and focused on me once more.

“Aphrodite, shall I help you dress, or can you manage yourself?” he asked.

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