Page 12 of Self Studies

“It might not be the most beautiful library you’ve seen,” Alice added. “But much like a book, you can’t judge it by its cover.”

I bobbed my head, trying to decide how much I could ask Alice. Although the woman seemed excited to tell me anything I wanted to know, Advisor Crowe’s warning about Aptitudes returned to me and blended with Damon’s rules.

The Institute existed to rehabilitate young mages gone astray by helping them learn to make better choices. Or at least that’s what I’d gotten out of Advisor Crowe’s tour. Everything I did here was being judged. Every question was somehow recorded. Although there were big tests I didn’t understand yet, the Aptitudes were some kind of collection of data concerning my behavior.

Alice wasn’t my friend. She was one of my judges.

I stiffened, suddenly worried accepting the hoodie had been a test that I failed. What if procuring a gem was my first task here? I’d already messed that up. Did I get marked down if I asked too many questions? Damon hated it when I asked too many questions. Most of the time, he gave me a book or a few minutes of supervised research on his work tablet instead of answering.

I studied the bald stone floor at my feet. Asking unnecessary questions seemed like one of those things which wouldn’t go over well in a character test. Furthermore, my questions about how long it took to get a uniform or what a gem was felt more like complaints. Alice was a librarian. She didn’t need to be bothered with my problems after giving me a gift.

The librarian gave me a worried smile when I thanked her but wished me good luck.

I wandered through the shelves until a lone dilapidated blue loveseat, wedged between two angled bookshelves, called to me. I curled myself into it and did my best to ignore my hunger.

Straightening my back, I rested my hands on my crossed legs. One deep breath in, hold, three counts out. Again, calmer this time. I cleared my mind and sunk into a mage-trance. Damon had taught me to control my mind before he’d taught me to walk. He’d be ashamed of how many emotions spilled out of me today. I’d let the world overwhelm me, and I’d broken down in front of Sapphire-Eyes.

A pleasant ache between my legs made me flush, and heat pooled at the memory of thrusting against him that bled into my life with Damon.

But Damon hadn’t been there directing me. No magic swirled through my body, making me ache with need. And yet, my moment with Sapphire-Eyes felt deeper than anything I’d experienced before. It was something I wanted to experience again.

I don’t know how long I sat in the library, long enough for my trance to clear my mind and ease my fears. This was my life now. This institute. These people. Even if I found a way to run, where would I go?

I yawned. It was time to brave my dorm room.

“Hey, someone left these here for you,” Alice got my attention as I tried to sneak out the door.

Suspiciously, I accepted a brown bag. I peeked inside, and my eyes flew wide. It was full of snacks! The plastic-wrapped chocolate cookie rested on the top. Alice gave me a wink and shooed me out of the library. Once in the hall, I slid down the wall and tore open the cookie, savoring the taste of chocolate. The chips, salad, and apple were next. Too soon, the little bag had nothing left in it. Although I regretted not saving the cookie for last, it was too late now. I needed to figure out how to get a gem so I could have more of them.

In better spirits and with my stomach appeased, I made my way back to my dorm.

Darkness filled the room except for a ray of light shining down onto my stripped mattress. The sounds of soft breathing and the occasional rustle of cloth came from the other beds. I did my best not to wake anyone up, searching fruitlessly for a pile of bedding.

Giving up, I slid to the lamp clamped to my bed frame. It hilighted words scrawled in bright red lipstick across my mattress: ‘Stay away from Saffron.’

I took a deep breath and read it a second time. Saffron was a yellow spice, somewhat precious, but I’d no idea what the warning meant. A quick check of the dresser showed no uniform and no spare bedding. With nothing else to do, I removed my clothing under Alice’s hoodie. Wrapped in my new garment and avoiding the lipstick, I curled up at the end of the bed.

It was the opposite of the luxury my master had kept me in, but it didn’t bother me as much as I would’ve thought. I wiggled my fingers in front of my face, imagining pulling the food toward me once more. Magic. I did magic. Then I thought about all the new people I had met. Alice and Sapphire-Eyes had been lovely, the others not as much.

I took a deep breath, intent on puzzling through my still conflicting emotions. But the moment my eyes closed, I fell fast asleep.

Chapter 4

The tin sound of electronic melodies startled me awake. I curled into Alice’s hoodie and watched as three of my roommates stood from their beds along the back wall in matching cream pajamas. They gathered piles of clothing and headed for the washroom. My red-headed roommate from yesterday gave me a dirty look as the trio passed.

“At least she didn’t wake us up when she came in last night,” one of the trio said in a light voice.

“Entitled is still entitled,” a more nasally one answered. “She waltzed into the cafeteria expecting food. Right, Mercedes? I can’t believe she thought she could get away with going around the Institute's rules.”

“Dressed like that.” I recognized the voice of the redhead. “I’m sure she thinks she can sleep her way into anything. Frick her.”

The door to the washroom closed and muffled the trio’s voices.

I took a deep breath before dressing as best I could under the oversized hoodie. If it were up to me, I’d never take it off. My stomach rumbled loudly. Though wonderful last night, the bag of snacks wasn’t making up for my missed meals.

“Holy hell, new girl, do you have a tiger familiar or something?” The covers on the bed next to me exploded.

I jumped in surprise. Another new face smiled at me. Round and rosy, the young woman’s dimpled cheeks looked adorable under short brown hair that stuck up in every direction. Pale pink lips opened in a wide yawn as she rubbed the sleep out of her eyes.

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