Page 154 of The Dommes

It’s a scary thing to think about.

Over in this desk drawer, I have a tiny notebook filled with random thoughts and notes about what I’m doing with my life. Not really a diary. Just scratches and streams of consciousness. One page is dedicated to my relationship with Ira. In one column, I list everything I’ve changed and compromised about myself, from the little things like spending most of our time at her place, to the big things like submitting.

In another, I list what she’s compromised.

There’s hardly anything. She’s certainly never submitted to me, even though I’m not sure I want her to. Then again, the fact that she’s never offered is a point of contention.

Is all this worth it? How much farther can we take this? What will be the tipping point? Will I get tired of paying off Stephanie and waiting for Ira to do more for me? Will this all end because I’m tired of it?

I can’t imagine being tired of it. Thinking about separating from Ira at this point leaves a hole filled with panic in my heart. Why would I do that? Why would I kick away the one thing bringing me the most comfort and happiness? When I woke up this morning in her bed, all I could think about was how content I was to roll in her scent, look at her belongings on the bathroom sink, and raid her fridge before taking a shower and showing myself out.

Even her doorman knows my name now.

Our parents want us to be together. How many people can say that?

Maybe I’m overthinking this shit. Maybe it’s not so bad to be her girlfriend, her, I dunno, fiancée?

Would Ira Mathison ever ask me to marry her?

On the surface, it sounds wonderful. We’d make a powerful couple, especially if our families were officially joined like that. We clearly feel something good and are independent enough to give each other space without compromising our relationship.

There’s just the matter of what I need deep inside.

It’s not enough to submit. I need to dominate as well.

I write this down in my journal: “I will never be a sub. I can only hope to become a switch with Ira. Will she do that for me?”

That’s an answer I can’t bring myself to contemplate.

Chapter 55

Ira

There’s nothing better to do on a Friday night than lose yourself in a woman.

Especially after a week of nonstop meetings, dealing with ranting foremen, and the usual freakout of we’re never going to get this done on time.

I was glad that Katie could come by after work. I was gladder when I whispered my plan into her ear and she nearly ripped her collar out of my nightstand drawer where I keep it.

Tonight we’re trying one new thing. She’s gagged, a silk scarf stuffed in her mouth and tied around her face. If she really needs to, she can say her safe word and I’ll understand, but I assured her beforehand that no hardcore kink is happening tonight. My only wish was to strip her bare, bind her to my bed, and thrust into her until I completely forgot myself.

At this point in our relationship, if I ask her to be nothing but a quiet doll, she’ll more than likely do that. With her collar twinkling in the light, I fuck her, every bit of her warm and inviting – and wet, of course.

Her body is beyond measure. I focus on that, at the way her legs are spread by the ties holding her ankles to the bed, her wrists overlapping above her head, blindfold and gag blocking out every sense but what she can feel and hear. As selfish as it sounds, I don’t want to hear her voice. I don’t want to deal with her demands and needs, as a woman or a sub. I’m thrashed. It’s a miracle I have enough energy to do this much.

If she didn’t want this, she would say so. That’s enough for me to know so I can dive right in and lose the whole world around me.

Kathleen’s body belongs to me. Her existence is all that matters. Our connection is beyond the universe – certainly beyond this bed. My phone is off and the door is locked. I don’t care who tries to get in here, or what kind of emergency has befallen. I don’t care. I need to end my frustration, and the best way to do that is to fuck this irresistible body.

Don’t think I’m totally selfish, though. I can tell, from the way her breaths shoot out of her nose, her whimpers eke from her gag, and her body tightens, that she’s having a wild time.

Good.

Take me forever, Katie. I’m gonna stop at some point – I’m only human – but until then I only care about being deep within this vessel until all the pressure is gone from my weary body.

Hey, never let it be said that I don’t know what I want.

Kathleen’s breathing increases. She’s so wet that I almost slip out of her time and again, but I am someone with a mission, and that mission is soon coming to an end.

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